In the Blood
by Yaoi-Expert
Summary: So let me get this straight… I killed myself only to be reborn into the Naruto universe into the SHITTEST NINJA VILLAGE EVER CREATED! Could I just stay dead? Please? Semi-self insert OC story, ALOT of swearing (rated T), yaoi in shippuden read to learn more!
1. Fuck my new Life

**Chapter 1: Fuck My New Life**

I never wanted to come back. The world is a shit hole and my life was nothing more than a nightmare on loop… That's why I killed myself; I had simply had enough of my pointless monotonous existence. Unfortunately, for me, I was too sinful for heaven and hell didn't want me so I was spat back into the land of the living. Goody. Then again, maybe this is hell, torturing me with life again. Could I just stay dead? _Please?_

'Fuck you universe!' is all that ran through my mind as I saw light. I can't still be alive, there's just no fuckin way! I MADE SURE THERE WAS NO COMING BACK! I could hear agonising screaming… A woman? What the hell makes a woman scream like that?! I've never screamed like that my entire life, she sounds like she's being ripped apart or somethin, hell she sounds like my mum in her home birthing videos… hold on a mo… this isn't~ no, I'm being silly…

…OH HELL! No…Please don't tell me what I think is happening is actually happening… I'm fuckin beggin you God, don't do this to me… please… If I'm being born again I swear to _all_ the demons residing in the second ring of hell I'll kill myself again! I'LL DO IT BITCH!

It's only now that I'm freakin my ass off that I feel a tightness around me that I can only guess is muscle contracting, trying to force me out back into the shit hole of the world… AGAIN! The only way I can describe what is happening would be, ew, ew, ew, EWWWWW! I don't know whats worse, the idea of being inside some random womans body or being forced out of her love tunnel! I clamp my eyes tighter in horror at the idea, that and the tightness feels like it's trying to crush my head, fuckin OW!

The temperature change is massive… I hadn't noticed how bloody warm it was in there until I was out, it's fuckin freezing out here! CURSE BEING BORN NAKED! I start to curse about how god forsakenly cold it is but all that leaves my mouth is high pitched screams. I CAN'T EVEN SWEAR! _This is definitely hell!_

I'm handed around between a few people which are all dressed in what I can assume is nurse uniforms…Hold the phone… aren't babies meant to have crappy eye sight? As in blind as a bat kinda crappy? Huh? I guess I'm freakin lucky meaning mines as clear as clear can be! First and only bonus of this entire shit storm of a situation… I may have committed suicide to escape life only to be reborn, but at least my sight is awesome…_**YEAH BLOODY RIGHT!**_ Situation still sucks cock.

There are lots of people, I'm assuming doctors and nurses, and I'm quickly wrapped up in a blue blanket… urr, correct me if I'm wrong but, don't doctors normally wrap _**BOYS**_ in blue? I have a nasty bloody feeling that there's a high possibility I'm a boy this time. This is getting better and better… NOT! Not only am I reborn but I also get a friggin sex change… on the bright side never again will I have to suffer the monthly curse of periods … or cramps… fuck it, **BRING ON THE PENIS!**

The blankets around me are warm and tight as I am passed to a woman with messy pale purple hair and tired but happy electric green eyes. She's kinda pretty I guess, but what's with the weird ass purple hair? Does she dye it? Stupid question, of course she does, no one has naturally purple hair… She holds me close to her pale skin whispering softly in an unknown language. On top of it all I HAVE TO LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE!? This is definitely hell! All those years of hating French lessons have come to bite me in the ass by shoving me into foreign language central… would it have killed whoever is screwin me over to drop me back in England? Hell, I'll take America, just somewhere that speaks freakin English… Sadist universe…

A man leans over my apparent mothers shoulder; his hair almost back blue and his eyes a pinkish red while his face is lit up with a dopy grin. WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH MY NEW ADULTS AND HAIR DYE!? Suddenly my eyes lock on somthin I missed the first look at the male with the dopy grin… I stare in horror. Not at the man exactly but at the _thing_ around my apparent fathers forehead. Please, for the love of all things unholy, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! A fucking forehead protector. Tell me he's just an obsessed cosplayer… please, please, please?… He isn't is he? … FUCK IT! MOTHER SHITTING ASS-HOLE OF A COCK SUCKIN WHORE UNIVERSE!

The symbol is one I know little about, three angled slashes… If my obsessive brain recalls correctly, I _think_ it's the symbol of The Village Hidden in Hot Water or 'Yugakure' if you wanna get all technical about it. Yugakure, in the anime Naruto, was said to be the village that has forgotten war… or at least will soon. I'm not sure of this is a blessing or a curse…

My screams in frustration coming out as a shrill baby cry as I swear the colours of the rainbow until I am blue in the face.

So let me get this straight… I killed myself only to be reborn into the Naruto Universe into the SHITTEST NINJA VILLAGE EVER CREATED! This sucks cock. Why not a good village like Mist of Stone? This is truly hell.

What the fuck am I gunna do? THIS ISN'T SOME FREAKIN FANFICTION WHERE I CAN HELP THE BLONDE IDIOT SAVE THE WORLD, this is my new life and I'm being royally screwed over…this isn't even possible… I've been reborn as a figment of someone's imagination… Am I on some kinda drug? This is a total **MIND FUCK!**

Apparently, crying and hysteria takes it out of me, who'd a thunk it? My world blurs around the edges as I feel myself become exhausted and my eyes begin to droop. I try and fight the drowsiness but it's futile, my eyelids feel like led, STUPID BABY BODY!… I hear the jibberish cooing of the strangers that I'm going to _have_ to call my parents. The world falls into darkness… Fuck me new life…


	2. Boobs, Bottles and Shit!

In the Blood

Chapter 2: Boobs, Bottles and Shit!

This life is a cruel joke. FACT!

Apparently I still have the female mindset of my past life so when feeding time came around I was horrified as the woman flashed herself at me and proceeded to try and make me 'latch'. COMPUTER SAYS NO! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I'M DOING IT! I'LL DIE FIRST! I feel my insides churn with hunger and disgust. I will not cave. I'm not doing it!

My mothers shocking green eyes look into mine with worry. She can tell I want to eat but doesn't understand why I won't. I know I'm a boy now, my suspicion confirmed when I was changed… The embarrassment of having to be changed, I'll never be able to look them in the eyes again. Just because I'm a boy now doesn't mean I like boobs anymore that I did when I was a girl. I guess it'll come when I get older… mmm… I think I can wait for that day to come.

Once again there is a boob in my face and I clamp my mouth closed. YOU SHALL NOT PASS! She sighs and puts herself away, thanks whatever god is fucking with me, and sways me in her arms while her eyes watch me with concern and yearning to understand so she can fix the problem.

I have two words for you hun, BABY. FORMULA! Your milk dispensers are a completely LAST resort and I'm not that desperate yet. Yet. Please figure it out before I become desperate.

I can hear a door open and my… male creator… comes in with his dopy smile and a bag. They dispense their jibberish pleasantries, the boob pusher expressing concern in her voice as she looks down at me.

I'm not sure how long it's been since I've eaten, but judging from her expression quite a while for a newborn. He smiles down at me talking once more before rooting around in his bag and pulling out a bottle. HALELUYA! GIVE THE MAN A COOKIE!

I squirm in the woman's arms, reaching out for the bottle letting out gurgles and happy squeaks. I watch him make up a bottle, making sure he doesn't fill it with human moo juice. Three scoops of yellow powder, warm water… I'm so hungry it's like food porn. FEED ME SEYMORE! He hands the bottle to the woman after testing the temperature on his hand. Cautiously, she puts it near my mouth. I need no encouragement as I drain that bad boy.

It tastes like shit but fuck the flavour, anything will do, EXCEPT BOOB JUICE!

Her green eyes light up as I drink, giggling with relief and cooing in a mummy kinda way, her husband doing some sort of dodgy victory dance. I nearly choke as he shakes his booty, formula nearly coming out my nose as I laugh while drinking.

I think I could grow to like them… as long as she stops with the breast thing…


	3. My Brain is Decaying!

In the Blood

Chapter 3: My Brain is Decaying!

My life is on repeat. Unlike a normal baby who has an attention span of a concussed goldfish, I still have the attention span I had before being reborn, as well as my memories. Oh sweet memories of freedom… the taste of alcohol, the scent of wacky baccy from my sister's room on the weekend… sex… oh how I remember sex… I have a _long_ wait until I can experience that again, if I can ever face a woman to do it. Fuck the eternal genin; the eternal virgin is a fate worse than rebirth!

Anyways, as I said my life is on repeat. I wake up to the same sole destroying thing… the cold, squishy feeling in my nappy that fills me with shame and embarrassment as my 'mother' changes me, bathes me and dresses me cooing her nonsense language at me before the bottle. After a few futile attempts with her fun bags, she gave up and finally accepted her tits are a no go so I'm now firmly on the bottle. After that I am played with, brightly coloured toys and stuffed animals are put in front of me and moved while my 'mother' makes silly noises, I've taken to glaring at a particular blue stuffed rabbit with crazy eyes, however I think the woman has mistaken my glares of hate as affection so wherever I go the stupid rabbit comes too. The second I have better motor functions I AM decapitating that rabbit and ripping of its eyes,

After playing I'm fed again and put down for a nap from which I wake up as I did in the morning and have to be embarrassed once more. _**CURSE MY LACK OF CONTROL!**_

More play follows and sometimes we go outside! It's sad when the highlight of your day is clouds and grass. I'm fed again and my 'father' comes home then plays with me. He pulls faces at me and dances around like a complete idiot. I'm then bathed, fed and put to bed.

In short my life is **BORING!**

What's worse is I have no idea where I am in the plot as this useless fucking village isn't mentioned until Shippuden and then you get shit all information about it. For all I know Naruto is already a genin or not even born yet! **I HAVE **_**NO**_** IDEA!** This. Sucks. Cock!

Recently the woman has been pointing at herself saying 'kaa-san' which I have worked out as mum or mother. To shut her up I am trying to copy but it's a slow process. I've learnt a lot though. Apparently, a baby's brain is like a sponge for absorbing information so I have worked out a lot of the language making understanding this new life a little easier. My 'kaa-sans' name is Mokoto and my 'tou-sans' name is Akiku. I've been born into a small clan but that's all I know as far as my heritage.

Oh yeah, one more thing I've learned is my new name. 'Junketsu' which after fuck knows how long I worked out means 'pure blood' _**WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT?!**_ I have no idea what they were thinking when they named me, maybe they're sadists or something dodgy? Fuck this, I can't change it so I'll have to live with it… for now.


	4. Growing up

In the Blood

Chapter 4: Growing up

I've been in this world for around four years now so have a firm grasp on the language so it's like second nature now though sometimes I forget and speak English, which gets me some weird looks. Well EXCUSE ME, can't a kid speak in an unknown language and NOT get weird looks?! No? Shit.

Anyways…

My intelligence is what would be called 'freakishly fuckin high' for someone my age, having a mind far older than your body tends to do that, my 'parents' are thrilled as they think I'm a prodigy. Also on the parent front, I've grown… accustomed to them but… I don't think them as parent's… maybe a distant aunt and uncle but I just don't see them that way. Don't get me wrong I care about them, I just can't bring myself to love them the way I loved my other parents… is that bad?

Through all the shit that is my new life there is a bonus. I have a _kekeigenkai!_ It's nothing special like Sharingan so I was a little put out, but it's not entirely bull either. I can control my blood!

What I mean is I can 'eject' my own blood from my body and use it as an attack or defence. It has some drawbacks like poision and the act of 'ejecting' but once you get over the 'I puke up my blood' thing, it's pretty cool. So far I've only learnt the theory and how to use it in my body, tou-san saying I'm too young to use it effectively right now… _PFFT!_ If only he knew I'm actually about 25 mentally I got it from his side of the family, the Makka Clan, which means 'deep red' so my name is isn't as weird as I first thought, more a sign of my clan's ability. Junketsu Makka.

As I've grown I've found out what I look like. My hair is a dark but bright purple and my eyes are the same pinkish red as my tou-sans. I'm very… feminine looking as my skin is milky and my eyes quite large but my kaa-san says I'm cute to which I can only pout. _**I'M NOT CUTE! **_However I could beat Deidara on the girly award, even with his blonde locks!

Today is a big day for me. I'm starting the academy… Joy… My kaa-san is fussing over me like a prised doll, brushing my hair, straightening my mesh undershirt, tightening the red belt over my purple shirt and checking me all over. The finale of her dress up session is a necklace with our clan symbol of a swirl with 3 varying in size dots within it._** I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING BARBIE!**_ I sigh, as she runs her fingers though my hair once more. I know better than to voice my rainbow thoughts as first and only time I said 'Crap' infront of my patents my you-san fainted and kaa-san chased me like a demon from hell, promising a world of pain! Note to self: _**NEVER**_** PISS KAA-SAN OFF!**

Her fingers brush through my hair once more, she has yet to yield to the fact that it's fucking uncontrollable and **WILL** automatically go to its messy fluffy style the moment her fingers leave it…. JUST GIVE UP ALREADY WOMAN!

"If you keep messin' with ma hair we'll be late" I whine, having enough of being poked and prodded. She smiles at me lovingly before taking my hand and leading the way out of our home and towards the academy.

Around the village you can already see how Yugakure is starting to become a tourist friendly place. There are spas springing up while less and less shinobi are being trained, I being a clan kid automatically had a place in the academy but every year there are fewer and fewer genin.

The academy is small, having been downgraded recently for hotel space; this village really is going to the dogs. When we make it to the gates, kaa-san pauses to lean down and kiss me on the forehead "Be good alright, try and make some friends" her voice soft and motherly as her face lights up with a concerned smile. _**SHOOT ME I'M ANTISOCIAL!**_ I sigh and nod before heading in, feeling my insides tighten with slight nerves.

The classes are small, made to seem even smaller from the size of the classroom while Shin-sensei puts us in a seating arrangement, one student per desk. In total there are 12 kids in my class, 4 girls and 8 boys, all from known clans though I've never spoken to any of them. This. Is. Going. To. Suck. COCK!

Shin-sensei is alright, a little bipolar meaning one moment he's sickly sweet and the next he's throwing stuff at us, but he is mostly nice, MOSTLY.

His hair is white while his eyes are grass green, only highlighted all the more by his deathly pale skin, HE COULD GIVE OROCHIMARU A RUN FOR HIS MONEY IN THE PALE DEPARTMENT! GET SOME _SUN_ MAN!

We learn a lot of things, history, geography, muscle exercises, the theory behind chakra. All these things I know. I'M BORED!

With a sigh, I lean my head against the table staring at my wrist. More precisely at the veins in my wrist, focusing my chakra and making my blood run out of the veins, making them disappear before allowing the flow again making the fine blue lines reappear. I find it interesting how I can make my blood do as I want, though I want to learn how to eject it out of my body.

I sense something coming at me and move just in time to dodge a projectile piece of chalk "JUNKETSU-KUN! PAY ATTENTION!" Shin sensei shouts angrily, little red veins popping on his forehead. I sigh and look towards the board. This is going to be a LOOOONG day…. I hate the academy…


	5. Fan girls and Rainbow Vocabulary

In the Blood

**Chapter 5: Fan girls and Rainbow Vocabulary:**

Apparently, my boredom and natural ability for ninjutsu makes me cool… Just great… just what I always wanted… I'm so sarcastic it hurts…

As a result of my 'popularity' I have a female fan club, the 4 girls in my class leading the revolution and stalking me while the other girls from the other classes keep swooning whenever I walk past… creepy… I suddenly have sympathy for SASAUKE, and I hate that arrogant dick, **GET THAT STICK OUT YOUR ASS ALREADY BRAT!**

The thought sent horrified shivers down my spine. My complete lack of interest only seems to spur them on, going so far that I have to run away from them at break and lunch so I'm not hugged, confessed to or deafened by squealing. I am not exaggerating either! _**THESE GIRLS ARE CRAZY! **_What have I done to deserve _**THIS**_?!

The only bright side is that my chakra control is going to improve dramatically at this rate as I have to pump chakra into my legs to escape the crazy bitches.

Right now I'm running for my life, the girls hot on my trail as I force more chakra into my legs for speed, darting between trees in an attempt to lose them. I look back at them seeing how far behind they are~

_**CRASH!**_

I ran into something soft, sending whatever I hit and myself tumbling to the ground, my back slamming hard against the hard earth. That's going to leave a nasty bruise…

I hear cursing above me as well as a weight on my body "Fucking watch where you're fucking going fuck face!" the apparently male voice snarled. I looked up to see silver hair, magenta eyes and a dirty glare aimed at me. Oh no… **HIDAN!?**

How in the name of hell did I forget Hidan of the Akatsuki was from Yugakure!

_**I'M SO STUPID! **_

He's young, maybe 10-ish? His hair not slicked back and muscles nowhere near as defined as they are in Shippuden. The most shocking thing is _**HE'S WEARING A SHIRT!**_ Hell, I'd venture so far as to say the chibi zerlot is cute, even if he is glaring at me. Hold on… Did I really just call HIDAN cute? _**NO!**__ GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE FANGIRL STATE, BAD JUNKETSU, __**BAD! **_

The words 'fuck face' registered, snapping me out of my musings as I glare back "Who you callin' fuck face, ass hole!" I growled angrily. Before he could answer I heard squealing… oh no…

_**SHIT! THE FANGIRLS ARE COMING!**_

I shove the chibi Hidan above off of me, causing him to gracefully land on his ass, I don't even have time to laugh at his confused face as I start running again, managing to take refuge in a tree with low branches. **THE TREE CLIMBING EXERCISE WOULD BE USEFUL RIGHT NOW! DAMMIT!**

Hidan snarled and swore bloody murder as he stood up from his ass-planted position on the ground before spinning on his heel and aiming his untamed fury at the girls, effectively scaring them away. HOLY HELL THAT'S A LOT OF CUSSING! I let out a sigh of relief until his hate is aimed at me "OI! You little shit, get your fucking ass down here and say that again, I'm going to fucking kill you!" he ranted, to which I roll my eyes making his growl. "Go fuck yourself ass hole!" I hiss, pissing the zealot off as he released yet ANOTHER string of curses, and I thought **I** swear a lot. Chibi Hidan proceeded to climb the tree snarling about he's going to tear be limb from limb. Shit…

Should have known better than to piss the Jashinist off… but it's just so easy!

As he climbed up the tree I jumped out, running back towards the academy building, the swearing zealot in pursuit. As I neared the entrance I was jumped from behind, sending me toppling to the ground with Hidan above me, him straddling my hips to keep me in place and is about to knock my lights out with a well-aimed punch… I'm fucked…

"HIDAN-KUN! GET OFF JUNKETSU-KUN AND REPORT TO MY OFFICE!" Shin-sensei snarled. _**THANK YOU SHIN-SENSEI! I THINK I MIGHT LOVE YOU!**_

From the dirty glares Hidan and Shin-sensei shot one another, I think I can safely assume this isn't their first run in with one another. I am begrudgingly released by the zerlot who growles another 'fuck face' at me before stomping off into the academy. I look down at my dusty clothes and sigh. Kaa-san is going to kill me for getting covered in dirt.

**THANKS A LOT **_**ASS-HOLE!  
**_

* * *

_AN:/: Bonjourno! I'm Yaoi-Expert! and I just thought I'd give you the heads up that I do not update on weekends or bank holidays as those are the only times I can write chapters ahead._

_Also, cheers for all the follows and faves and stuff, they are appreciated._

_I won't write these often as they annoy the living crap out of me as I never know what to write… yeah… if ya want something feel free to contact me!_

_Cheers for the support! (Special thanks to AngelOfAnime97 who reviewed, I shall continue updating as I do not believe in not completing)_


	6. Test Results and Hot Water

**Chapter 6: Test Results and Hot Water:**

I've been attending the academy for about 2 weeks now. In this time we've done more tests than I thought possible! It's not like they're hard, far from it, they're a piece of piss. I don't feel challenged.

Shin sensei has noticed my frustration and has been teaching me more advanced things through break and lunch, as well as setting me harder home work but I still feel frustrated.

I'm staring at the clock at the front of the class, counting down the minutes until the end of the day. 5 minutes, 4 minutes, 3, 2, 1…

The bell rung and I shoved my stuff into my bag quickly and am about to make my exit when shin-sensei caught me. "Junketsu-kun, I need to talk with you" Talk with me?** FUCK**, what did I do?!

The room is empty as I stand before my sensei. "Did I do something wrong sensei?" I ask in a bored fashion. He stares at me for a moment before sighing "Far from it, I've finished marking your tests, you've got perfect scores , you're by far my top student... I feel that you're not getting anything out of my lessons…" I nod slowly, processing his words carefully...

Shin-sensei pulls a large envelope from the top draw of his desk before handing it to me "I want you to give this to your parents… I've organised for you to be moved to a more advanced class" I cautiously take the envelope. Advanced class? Sounds… interesting… I look up at shin-sensei and nod Alight before leaving, staring at the envelope all the way home.

The second my parents saw the envelope they thought the worst and sat me in the kitchen while they read, ready to scald me. THANKS FOR THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE! They soon changed their tactic once they've read it, praising me for my achievement and telling me they are proud of me. HA, IN YOUR FACE DOUBTERS! Why does their kind words mean nothing to me?

Apparently, I start in my new class tomorrow… Joy…

The only highlight is Kaa-san made me sultana cookies as a reward. I LOVE SULTANA COOKIES!

Unfortunately, the sweet bliss that is kaa-sans sultana cookies doesn't get rid of the bitter taste of having to move class. It was going to be like the first day of the academy all over again except this time I won't be with kids my own age... I'M GOING TO DIE… **AGAIN!**

Fuck my life.


	7. YOU!

**Chapter 7: YOU!:**

Tomorrow is today and the tight coil of nerves in my stomach makes me want to puke. This is nothing like my first day of the academy…. I'm not scared… I'M BLOODY TERRORFIED!

Tou-san promised he'd train me after the academy in an attempt to make me feel better but to no avail. I feel like a condemned man as I walk to the academy with Kaa-san. I purposely dawdle to buy time to think up a way to get out of going but I know it's futile, kaa-san won't let me back out and will drag me there kicking and screaming if she has to.

The large building looms creating a lump in my throat that won't relent. Kaa-san kisses my forehead and tells me to be brave before sending me on my way. WHY DON'T I PUT YOU IN A CAGE WITH A RABID LION AND TELL YOU TO BE BRAVE!? Who am I kidding… the lion would run away screaming about how terrifying Kaa-san is… SHE'S REALLY THAT SCARY!

I walk through the bustling corridors nervously, passing my old classroom and shin-sensei and head towards the room specified in the letter. A teacher is waiting outside the room, his black hair long and outgrown, flowing over his shoulders while his milky skin made his shocking blue eyes all the more prominent. WHAT IS IT WITH THIS VILLAGE AS CRAZY PALE SKIN!? GET SOME SUN! His face is stern, schooled into a neutral mask and he wears basic shinobi attire. His eyes lock onto me and I tense. Apparently he's waiting for me… CRAP! Please don't let him be my new sensei!

A dark smile twisted his features as I approached, the door behind him matching the one specified. "So your Shin-Sensei's prodigy brat" he purred all too sweetly sending shivers darting up and down my spine. My involuntary shiver made his smile darken in some sort of twisted enjoyment… **WHY IS THERE A SADIST TEACHING CHILDREN?! **

Rude would be a bad tactic here, he looks about ready to eat me! "Hello, I'm Junketsu Makka, nice to meet you sir" It took everything I had not to stutter, though my voice is notably higher than usual... AT THIS RATE I MIGHT ACTUALLY SHIT MYSELF WITH FEAR! His deep blue eyes trained on me, apparently enjoying my panic. **EVIL MOTHER FUCKER!** Said eyes sharpened at my name "Makka… I am Usagi-sensei and from this moment on, your worst nightmare" he snarled before turning and entering the classroom…. First the evil stuffed rabbit and now the evil rabbit sensei… WHAT DID I DO TO PISS OF THE RABBITS!? I follow the sadistic man into my new class, standing awkwardly near my sensei "LISTEN UP BRATS, WE'VE A NEW KID IN THE CLASS, HE'S ONE OF SHIN-SENSEI'S LITTLE UP STARTS!"

He might as well have painted a target on me. All eyes were on me in a death glare… The class must be at least 9 or 10 years old… FUCK! I'M IN WAAAY OVER MY HEAD! I'm going to die. Whispers ran round the classroom. Words like 'little brat' and 'dead meat' hit my ears making my blood run cold. _**I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!**_

"YOU!" came a screech from the back of the room, magenta eyes glaring daggers at me. HIDAN!? _**YOU'VE GOT TO BE **__**KIDDING**__** ME!**_ I'm not going to die… _**I'M GOING TO BE **__**SACRIFICED**__** AND **__**MUTILATED**__** BEYOND RECOGNITION!**_

Usagi-sensei glared at the chibi zealot "Shut up and sit down" he snarled at Hidan who hisses **"LIKE FUCK I WILL!"** His shouted, voice laced with malice. The dark aura around Usagi-sensei grew, engulfing the entire room. Chibi Hidan flinched, feeling the killing intent and begrudgingly sat down.

I was sent to the seat at the front. Apparently, because I am such a 'squirt' I have to be at the front to see. IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M SHORT! I'M ONLY 5!

The day went from bad to worse. Usagi-sensei has it out for me, calling on me in lessons to catch me out. Thanks to my superior knowledge drilled into me by my parents and my own personal knowledge from reading and memories of the anime from my past life I kept up with relative ease. However this seemed to infuriate him even more. The more physical stuff of ninjutsu and genjutsu was no better as he made me run extra laps and trapping me in genjutsu after genjutsu which I had difficulty dispelling.

Weapons have never been my forte, something Usagi-sensei picked up on and twisted to his own sick sadistic advantage. Every time I missed the target I _became_ the target for Usagi-sensei's kunai and shuriken that came flying towards me at unbelievable speed making it nearly impossible for me to dodge. I'M NOT A HUMAN PIN CUSHION!

By the time taijutsu came around I was cut and bruised to holy hell, once milky skin blooming with back and blue markings, red streaks from where weaponry sliced into my skin... PLEASE DON'T LEAVE SCARS!

Usagi-sensei had a twisted smile on his face as he looked at me as I waited to have the living shit beaten out of me in a sparring match "Makka-kun in too deep? Why don't you just go back to your soft shin-sensei brat" I clenched my jaw. So that's what this is about? I have spent years training, long before I was in the academy so I could do this. I've been moved up a few years as a reward for my hard work, there is no way in HELL I'm going to dishonour myself by retreating. As much as it hurts, no matter how much I hate Usagi-sensei… THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVEN'T BEEN BORED SINCE I WAS BORN! I looked the evil bastard of a sensei in the eye, glaring hatefully, feeling my blood boiling under my skin trying to find an escape route "No fuckin way am I quitting, GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU SADISTIC BITCH!" I snarled… He's so lucky I can't eject my blood right now…

There was silence. Usagi-sensei and the other students stared at me in disbelief…

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU SURE TOLD SENSEI FUCK FACE!" Chibi Hidan boomed manically, a smirk plastering his face "about time someone else gave that fucker a piece of their mind, surprised such a small fuck did it though" he erupted into laughter again, weaving through the other students, his sadistic laugh cutting through the tense atmosphere. I'M A SADIST MAGNET! The chibi zealot upon reaching me threw his arm over my small shoulders pulling my into his rib cage tightly, nearly cutting off my air supply "You're a little fuck but I like ya brat" he purred and smirked down at me. CAN'T… BREATHE!

I could feel sensei glaring at us hatefully "DETENTION!" he snapped pointing at Hidan and myself.

Kaa-san is going to flip.

Hidan continued to smirk down at me as I squirmed to escape his death grip he has on my shoulders, managing to wriggle so I can once again breathe, SWEET OXYGEN!

… I am so screwed…


	8. Jashin's Devine Calling

**Chapter 8: Jashin's Devine Calling:**

I sat in detention, Hidan sprawled over the table beside me "Fuck Usagi-Shit head, the guys a prick, I should just sacrifice him to Jashin-Sama, Mother fucking heathen" the zealot quietly ranted beside me.

I never really understood the whole Jashin thing, what it actually stood for and stuff… I guess I'm in the company of the right person to find out… "Jashin?" I asked, politely confused. The chibi zealot looked at me "He's my god" he snapped. He's got to be bipolar. I nodded slowly "And what does Jashin do?" I questioned. Hidan's eyes lit up and a smirk crossed his lips "Listen up heathen! Jashin is the god of destruction and death. The Jashin faith is for those devote of heart! He is a strict lord and those that take up his name and do not fulfil their obligation to the religious dogma of the faith will suffer in the next world far fucking greater than anyone else, including those made into sacrifices to Jashin! With any sole claimed and punished by Jashin, the suffering of those that defile the faith of Jashin will be made to suffer by the followers of Jashin before they are permitted to receive their eternal damnation at the hands of Jashin!"

I nodded slowly, processing everything. For someone so… dense, he sure knows a lot about his religion and is passionate… even if it is a little scary coming from someone so young. His magenta eyes sparkled strangely "You should convert heathen; Lord Jashin always needs more followers to spread the word of his teachings and to show filthy fuckin heathens the errors of their ways!" He purred starting to get closer. I backed up nervously on the bench as Hidan creeped forward as the sparkle in his eye grew… THIS. ISN'T. GOOD! "I think… I'm a little young to follow something so serious?… don't ya think?… I mean… I'd only do a half-assed job~" I was cut off as Hidan near jumped me, trapping me against the wooden bench with his legs straddling my small body.

HELP, RAPE! PERVERT! … Hold on…help, rape, pervert… help rape a pervert… DAMMIT THIS ISN'T THE TIME FOR WEIRD THOUGHTS!

"It's best to start young, to show your commitment to Lord Jashin!" HOW DO I ALWAYS END UP ON MY BACK WITH HIM!

Whatever god is fucking with me threw me a bone as Usagi-sensei entered, forcing Hidan to relinquish his trapping and conversion of me though that strange sparkle hadn't left his eyes… Why do I feel that this isn't over?


	9. Trees and Secret Conversations

Chapter 9: Trees and secret Conversations:

Once detention was over, I was relieved to see tou-san waiting for me, letting me make a quick getaway before Hidan could continue his Jashin conversion treatment again. _**I DON'T WANT TO BE PINNED DOWN AGAIN!**_

Tou-san smiles goofily at me "I see your day was productive, new friend?" he asked pointing at the zealot youth who had accompanied me out of the academy before I made my quick getaway. I smiled "Sort of" That goofy smile spread. I've never been big on the socialising, even in my past life I found it difficult, maybe because I was considered weird or swore like a sailor, or maybe just maybe I _**FUCKING HATE PEOPLE AND SCARED THEM AWAYON PURPOSE!…**_either way I was antisocial so it was never easy, a trait that has been passed on to my new life so having a 'sort of friend' is very positive in tou-san's eyes. His goofy grin widened "ALRIGHT YOUNG MAN, TIME FOR TRAINING!" he cheered throwing his arms in the air and shaking his booty like a mad man. _**STOP **__**SHAKING IT I BEG THEE! **__**IT BURNS MY EYES!**_

I felt my cheeks flush crimson as people looked. I smiled nervously before punching him in the groin. Tou-san doubled over with anime tears in his eyes "WHY MY CHILD?!" he whined sadly. I smiled innocently, pulling my puppy eyes. Because of my feminine look I can pull it off. My father froze staring into my eyes for a moment before more anime tears waterfalls "YOUR SO CUUUTE!" I was pulled into his arms as he rubbed his cheek against mine "DADDY'S ADORABLE BOY! I KNOW IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, DADDY LOVES YOU SOOO MUCH!"

_**GET OFF ME YOU CREEPER, I DON'T WANT YOUR TEARY HUGS!**_

I smiled darkly; tou-san is too easy. "Tou-san? Weren't we going to train?" I asked sweetly, wanting to get as much training done as possible before I had to face the wrath of Kaa-san… that woman could make SATAN cry like a little girl…

We went to the clan training grounds where we stopped in a clearing littered with targets and the trees were marked where ninja tools and jutsu had been aimed.

Tou-sans usually goofy demeanour changed from fun loving daddy tou-san to training tou-san. Despite his normal personality, he is very serious when it comes to training, especially when I'm involved. "Junketsu, So far in your training you've learned the theory of our ability and how to control it within your body to stop bleeding out if wounded. Meaning your progressing so quickly, today we will be learning the basics of how to control your blood outside your body. It's going to require perfect chakra control to do so… today you're going to climb a tree using only your chakra"

I had been really excited until he brought up tree climbing. In the anime, I had watched Naruto repeatedly fall out of a tree and land gracefully on his ass while trying to master the technique… This is going to hurt. A LOT! Tou-san threw a kunai at my feet, which I picked up with a sigh.

I build up my chakra in my feet, trying my best to balance the warm substance_**. I JUST DON'T WAN T TO FALL FLAT ON MY FACE!**_ I gulped nervously before opening my eyes and running at a tree.

Surprisingly I didn't fall straight away. I made it a couple of meters before the bark beneath my feet cracked. I marked my spot before spinning mid-air and landing on my feet. I stared at my mark for a moment. Too much chakra. I sigh before trying again… IF THE KNUCKLE HEAD CAN DO IT I CAN TOOOO! Right?

The sun had long since set, I've been doing this for a few hours now and I'm making progress but it's hard. My muscles ache like crazy, it hurts more than when I was teething and trust me when I say, I SCREAMED THE FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!

Small beads of sweat ran down my face as I pant heavily. I can feel my muscles quiver under sheer effort of standing. I'm about to try again then tou-san stops me with a smile "That's enough for today, you've done really well, A lot of genin would have problems reaching the height you have" He giggled, eyes sparkling with pride. I wish it made me happy but it doesn't. I pant heavily but smile back none the less.

My legs give out under my weight and I fall to my hands and knees. I growl at myself as I force myself back up on my wobbling legs. Tou-san's shoulder length black blue hair sways in the breeze as he appears beside me, bundling my small body up in his arms. I squirm at first but I give up quickly, knowing it's futile. I allow myself to be carried, nuzzling my nose into tou-sans shoulder, his soft hair tickling my cheek.

When we arrive home Kaa-san is about to explode until she sees me bundled in tou-sans arms who smiles at her "the young mans had a busy day, climbed over halfway up a tree and made himself a little friend" he chirped quietly. I could hear the pride in his voice. But it didn't fill me with pride like it should have. I smiled tiredly none the less as I hear Kaa-san sigh "well, let's get you cleaned up and fed so you can go to bed… A tired ninja is a bad ninja" She takes me from tou-san. I see them share some sort of silent conversation with their eyes briefly but I'm too tired to care.

After a bath, having my cuts covered in ointment and a quick dinner I'm in bed. I can barely keep my eyes open as my parents say goodnight and turn out the light.

(POV change)

Juketsu's parents sat silently at the dining table "He's progressing far faster than we could have dreamed, a true prodigy" Akiku said proudly "If he continues at this rate, we could move the plan forward" his purred as his red eyes sparkled darkly. Mokoto nodded with a sad sigh "He's so young, we need to be careful" The two shared a look, silence once more enveloping the house.

_AN:/: _

_It's Friday so no new chapter till Monday guys!_

_Cheers for all the favourites, follows and reviews they mean a lot to me._

_A special thank you to __**PCheshire**__ who has been incredibly helpful in giving ideas of abilities Junketsu should have! YOU'RE AWESOME!_

_I hope you guys enjoy the chapter… you get to find out a little more about the blossoming friendship between Junkersu and Hidan…. NEXT CHAPTER! Sorry to those who hate to be kept waiting and/or cliffhangers but it lets me know you'll keep reading if only to find out what happens next!_

_HAVE AN EPIC WEEKEND!_


	10. Jashinist in Training?

**Chapter 10: Jashinist-In-Training?:**

Sore. That's how to describe how I felt when I woke up. Every muscle ached and protested as I moved. Kaa-san greeted me a normal, my breakfast already on the table as I stiffly made my way into the kitchen "good morning Junketsu, how are you?" she chirped happily, humming a soft tune. I smiled, quickly sitting down and eating, Kaa-san is a great cook and I'm not waiting for it to get cold. IT'S LIKE EATING NYAN CAT! "Sore thank you, yourself?" I said in my usual tone, chowing down quickly, every once in a while slurping down some milk. Kaa-san giggled; "slow down little man, you don't want to choke" I nodded, feeling a blush form on my cheeks "Hai, Kaa-san"

We were in a comfortable silence, her soft hum being the only sound. I finished my breakfast and stacked my plates neatly in the sink before Kaa-san handed me my lunch. I put on my sandals and we left.

As usual she left me at the gate with a kiss on the forehead. Unusually, I was rugby tackled by a chibi Jashinist who had apparently been waiting for me. I **DIDN'T** YELP LIKE A LITTLE GIRL! "Fuck face!" he greeted cheerfully, somehow having my small body over his shoulder. I squirmed in an attempt to escape. "My name isn't 'fuck face' ass hole, it's Junketsu!" I hissed but Hidan just chuckled. "Whatever fuck face" I'm pretty sure the bastard is smirking. I pout with a sigh "so why am I over your shoulder?" I questioned through gritted teeth.

The chibi zealot suddenly had a bounce in his step "Because I have decided that you fuck face, are a Jashinist-in-Training!" He announced proudly as I squirmed even more "WHAT!?" was all I could scream in my current state of UNADULTERATED HORROR, to which the Jashinist laughed "I know your honoured, I am personally going to save your fucking heathen sole, then we're going to rid this world of the fucking heathen scum!" He near cheered as he tightened his grip on my legs so there is no chance of escape. WHAT HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO?!

Apparently, Usagi-sensei isn't over yesterday's little outburst as he glares at Hidan and I as we enter the class, eyes glinting with the promise of suffering. SADISTIC RABBIT! I take my place at the front of the class and Hidan follows, glaring at the original occupant of the seat next to me until they move. DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM!

During class it's clear why Hidan is so dense…HE DOESN'T PAY ATTENTION! He sprawls out on the desk and stares off into space. Whenever Usagi-sensei asks him anything he either shrugs or gives a string of curses. HOW HE'S PASSED THE CLASSES SO FAR I WILL NEVER KNOW!

As soon as break rolls around I'm grabbed and dragged off towards a clearing "Alright fuck face! First lesson of Jashinism~" I sigh and cut him off "whoa there, I have a question!" the chibi zealot looks at me with a glare for interrupting him but signals for me to continue "How are you passing the class if you spend your lessons staring off into space?" Hidan's glare changes to slight embarrassment and confusion "What's it fucking matter?" I run my fingers through my fluffy purple hair "If you wanna be a good shinobi you need knowledge and you don't seem too interested in gaining this knowledge…" Hidan glares at a nearby tree "I've never been that fucking good at fucking book shit" he mumbled. I smile at him brightly, apparently catching him off guard from the look on his face. "It's settled, I will learn all about Jashinism… **IF** you and I spend time every day going over the basic stuff needed for being a shinobi!" I announced. At least I can help develop Hidan's ninja career and make him more of an effective shinobi, maybe he might not die at the hands of the pineapple head.

The zealot in question gives me a cautious look "Why you so interested in my learning?" he asked suspiciously. I tilted my head to the side innocently "meaning we're in the same class and all, when we become genin there is a chance we'll be on the same squad. I just wanna make sure you're not a complete baka, numb nuts" I smile sweetly at the last remark. The Jashinist was about to swear bloody murder until I caught him off guard with my smile making him freeze up… so this works on him too… he's going to be even more fun than I thought. The zealot blushes looking away mumbling that he agrees to my conditions. AWW! If only I had a camera… THIS WOULD BE GREAT BLACKMAIL MATERIAL!

Through break Hidan tells me about Jashinism in a passionately animated fashion. He really does love his religion… and dissing other religions… especially pagans… he seems to have a particularly dark loathing of pagans… scary.

As soon as break is over we're back in the classroom and being told theory behind ninjutsu before going outside and putting it into practice, attempting to make clones.

I sit on a large rock while Hidan starts making hand signs, creating a slightly dodgy clone of himself. Not bad for a first attempt but still not great either and it's face reminds me if the terrifying blue stuffed rabbit with the crazy eyes I decapitated aged 2… good times, the rabbit was asking for it. I have a giggle which makes Hidan cuss "LIKE FUCK YOU COULD DO ANY BETTER FUCK FACE!" he snarled defensively. Suddenly my smile changes to a dark one "wanna bet?" I purring in a sickly sweet fashion though Hidan didn't seem to notice the sly undertone in my tone "Yeah I fucking do, If you do fucking better than me I'll… I'LL WEAR A DRESS TO THE ACADEMY TOMORROW!" that's better than any money "deal" I smile sweetly, slipping of my rock into a standing position and make the signs Hisuji, Mi, Tora…

POOF!

4 perfect clones appear and I start to laugh manically "I look forward to tomorrow, HIDA-CHAN!" I giggled as Hidan's jaw hit the floor "HOW'D YOU DO THAT!" he screeched but by this time I'm literally rolling around on the floor laughing my fucking ass off, my hands gripping my sides they hurt so much. One of my clones sighs "Baka, I wasn't bumped up classes for a laugh ya know" As I gain control of my fit of giggles I dispelled the jutsu and stood straight "Bet you look good in a dress, you've got the legs for it" I giggled with a playful wink making the chibi zealot blush crimson. DAMMIT, ANOTHER BLACKMAIL OPORTUNITY WASTED!

Hidan got me back in Taijutsu practice by thoroughly kicking my ass. Sometimes quite literally… OUCHIE! He may be dense but my god he packs a punch. MY BRUISES HAVE BRUISES! I got a few shots in but I was seriously fucked through most of it, didn't help my body still hurt from the tree climbing yesterday… I'M NOT MAKING EXCUSES!

By the time lunch rolls around my skin was blooming with more bruises. I'M A DALMATION! WOOF!

We ate lunch under a tree before I pulled out my textbooks. I went over the basics, explaining chakra in a way that Hidan could understand as the instructors made it really wordy. We also looked at some of the history of our land and for the first time I saw Hidan taking an interest, even asking questions so I could explain. I also managed to get in a lecture about diet as I noticed that Hidan's lunch consisted of a lot of meat and not a lot else to which he cussed about veggies and compared them to rabbit food.

The day was finished off with weapons practice; thankfully Usagi-sensei was too busy harassing Shin-sensei to use me as a human target whenever I miss. Unfortunately Hidan notice my aim was poor so took the piss before showing me how to do it better.

The second lesson was over I was out of there, tree climbing exercises wait for not man… boy… girl reborn into a boy's body?…WHATEVER! I waved goodbye to Hidan before heading off with tou-san. I'm going to get it if it's the last thing I do!

Higher… CRASH!

Higher… CRASH!

Higher… CRASH!

Once more I fell from a potentially deadly height, only just managing to break my fall. I stare up at my latest mark… SO FUCKING CLOSE!

Once more…

I build up my chakra again, closing my eyes and calming my thoughts. I feel my chokra flood my body like a warm wave before I direct it down into my feet. I snap my eyes open and run for it

Higher, higher, higher, HIGHER!

I stop as I reach the top, balancing carefully while I continue to pump chakra into my feet… Beautiful…

The sun is setting over the village, creating black outlines of the buildings like shadows. I can safely say this is the most beautiful thing I've seen in this life. Tou-san appears behind me. "How's it feel to be on top of the world?" he asks softly as he crouched near my ear. I smiled tiredly "like I'm finally getting somewhere" We stayed there for several minutes, just taking in the view, the only sound being the soft twitter of bird calls.

Even though I'm not supposed to be part of this story, I can still try to be a good shinobi… I shouldn't try to change anything… but that doesn't mean that I won't change it unintentionally… who knows; I might have changed something already…

All I know is this life doesn't suck cock as much as my last one

* * *

AN:/:

YO! sorry this is late but shit happens, on the bright side quite a long chapter for me WOOT WOOT! BIG UP THE PERVERT!

hope you all enjoy


	11. Water and Blooming Friendship

**Chapter 11: Water and Blooming Friendship**

If I thought tree climbing was going to be a pain in the ass then water walking in anal rape with no lube!

It was funny when Naruto did it but now I'm doing it, IT. SUCKS. COCK!

I don't even have tou-san to give me a few pointers as he left for a mission this morning and won't be back for a few days, if I get this down by the time he gets back, I can be that one step closer to learning how to eject my blood

I'm standing beside one of the few natural hot springs that hasn't been taken over by a spa or resort staring into the water, my purple outer shirt, netted shirt and weapons neatly founded and stacked under a tree leaving me only in my black shorts, I'M NOT TAKING THEM OFF, IT'S INDECENT EXPOSURE!

I'm soaked through and I don't wanna do it again, I'm just going to fall in AGAIN! I glare down into the water before sighing in defeat and building up chakra in me feet, trying to balance it and alternate it before taking a step out onto the water's surface…

Balancing is hard and maintaining and alternating the flow of chakra is even harder… 1 step… 2 steps… 3 steps… 4~ ACK!

My concentration is broken and I fall with an almighty splash and a yelp. DAMMIT! I WAS DOING SO WELL!

I swim back to the surface and drag myself back onto dry land "fuck! Fuck! FUCK!" I hiss in annoyance. I know I'm doing something advanced for my age but COME ON! I mastered tree walking in 2 days for the love of hell!

Being this pissed off isn't going to help me, I need to relax… I sit on the grass nearby and cross my legs into a meditative position before taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, listening to the breeze rustling through the trees, carrying with it the gentle scent of blossom on the bushes around the village… I feel my heart slow, becoming a gentle beat…

I snap my eyes open; I'm going to get this!

Building up my charka once more I take a bold step out onto the water's surface, this feels right, maintain the flow and alternate it to the movement of the water. I walk towards the centre, my concentration unwavering… I think I've got thi~

"Fuck face!" came a familiar voice, my concentration breaks as does the surface of the water as I once again get an unexpected bath. DAMMIT!

I swim back up, hearing Hidan laughing his ass off as I yank myself out of the water "Hahahahahahahaha that was priceless!" He sniggered as I glared at him "I'm going to kill you… DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO DO THAT!? I WAS DOING SO FUCKING WELL!" I shout before pouting, crossing my arms across my chest. Hidan still laughing like a mad man and I growl… THAT DOES IT!

I lunge at him, tackling him to the floor making him cry out in panic as I channel chakra into my limbs for more strength and sit on him. Hidan smirks before fighting back as we tumble along the floor. The anger I felt not so long ago has fizzled out into amusement as we wrestle, the chibi zealot's arms wrapping around me and yanking my small frame into him, trapping my arms between us

We stay in place catching our breathes, me panting more than him as my stamina isn't as good as his yet before I hear a chuckle ripple through the zealots throat "for someone so fuckin small you're not bad at wrestling" he taunts me lightly, jabbing my side playfully with his spare arms that isn't holding me still. I half glare at him before sighing, "You wanted something?" I asked, shifting my eyes to meet his magenta. His smirk waivered a little as unsureness crossed his eyes "I, urr… I wanted to see if you were fucking busy and were interested in getting food or somthin" he said, voice further conveying his insecurity.

We haven't known each other long; it's not surprising he's unsure if we're friendly enough to do stuff outside the academy. I didn't know Hidan was capable of such an emotion, from the little of him you see in the anime you wouldn't think it was possible.

I can see his shoulders tense as he awaits my answer. I smile sweetly "Food sounds good" I chirp to which I notice the Jashinist's shoulders relax as he exhales lightly in relief. DAMMIT, LITTLE HIDAN IS SO CUTE…what? … Not cute cute, just cute slightly shy when it comes to friendship cute, HE'S NOT CUTE CUTE!

I grab my clothes and weapons, I can get water walking down later… friends need to come first sometimes.


	12. Yaoi Fan girls, BBQ and Perverts

**Chapter 12: Yaoi Fan girls, BBQ and Perverts:**

_****Time Skip****_

I have been attending the academy since I was 5 I am now 7 making 2 years in total. LOOK AT MY AWESOME MATH SKILLS!

I'm very advanced for my age and even considered advanced in my class of 11-12 year olds. All those hours of hard training haven't gone to waste. My genjutsu is just above average, my ninjutsu is great and my taijutsu is pretty good too after Hidan decided a Jashinist-in-training needs to be able to fight in close combat. Yes, I am still learning about Jashinism and it's not as terrifying as I first thought though it still freaks me out a little… ALRIGHT _**A LOT!**_

My weaponry… still sucks cock, however, I have shown a passable ability with kunai, shuriken and senbon, which was expected meaning I _**HATE**_ close combat. More importantly is my kekeigenkai. I can now eject my blood not only through my mouth but am quite good at ejecting through my skin, which apparently is something even tou-san has difficulty with. I've also started to build up immunity to poisons by taking daily doses to help out when using my kekeigenkai.

Hidan has also come along leaps and bounds. He's specialised his weapon to a basic scythe though he rants about how he's going to get one more fitting of his religion. He's mastered all the basic techniques after a lot of punches and blackmail with my secret weapon… the photo of Hidan in a DRESS! He'll do anything hide that. He's also improved academically since I've made him study and he does well on his tests though he still hates his veggies and insists he's a carnivore-only though kaa-san can scare him into eating them which I find hilarious to watch. It is safe to assume Hidan is terrified of her. WHO WOULDN'T BE!

Tomorrow is the genin exam. Like Konohagakure, tomorrow is a simple written test and a performance of a jutsu, though won't know which jutsu until tomorrow.

I'm sitting with Hidan under our usual tree; academy is over for the day so we're just enjoying the sun, Hidan happily talking about what kick-ass things he's going to do when he's a ninja and how many sacrifices he's going to make to Lord Jashin.

I myself am examining my purple hair. In the past 2 years my hair has gotten even more uncontrollable, having now manifested itself into fluffed out purple spikes which refuse to be tamed. I've even grown a sort of side fringe over most of my left eye though it's just as uncontrollable as the rest. I'M A PURPLE LION, HERE ME ROAR! …meow…

I go tumbling as I am suddenly rugby tackled, my back hitting the hard ground hard as I feel a weight on my body. I look up to see Hidan smirking down at me while his legs straddle my hips while his hands hold my wrists above my head. "I knew you weren't listenin' fuck face!" he laughed. His voice has got deeper, meaning he's 12 now I'm assuming puberty is hitting or is about to hit causing his change in voice.

I pout pulling my puppy dog eyes "I was thinkin' unlike you I have more than one brain cell so can afford to think from time to time" The chibi zerlot continued to smirk, he's become more muscular over the past 2 years so there's no chance of me escaping so I'm stuck. "With that pout you look as fuckin cute as a bitch" he purred while I glare at him. HE ALWAYS SAYS THAT TO PISS ME OFF! "You ass hole!" I growl at him, which makes him laugh. Apparently he's accepted 'ass hole' as a nick name, I guess I've kind of got used to being called 'fuck face' and it doesn't annoy me as much as it once did. Hidan stares down at me strangely, sometimes I wonder if he can tell I know more about this world than I should, that weird look he's giving me seems to hold some sort of knowing that I don't quite understand.

"YAOI!" Comes a fangirl scream from behind us and we both tense, titling our heads to see a pale blue haired girl. Yuki. We escape our play fight position on the ground quickly and she pouts "AWWW! DON'T STOP!" she's Hidan's age and in our class and rather OBSESSED with Yaoi, I can't blame her, in my past life my hobby ***cough*** obsession ***cough*** was watching ***cough*** stalking ***cough*** a little yaoi from time to time ***cough*** A LOT of Yaoi EVERY NIGHT ***cough*** ever since she caught us having a play fight with Hidan on top straddling my hips while we both panted heavily, she's stalked us taking pictures which look worse than they actually are.

Hidan growls "FUCK OFF YOU BITCH, NOTHIN' HAPPENED YOU LITTLE WHORE!" he spat hatefully. I've found Hidan doesn't really interact well with others and as a result, I'm his only friend. Our entire class hates him because of his language and disrespectful way to addressing everyone. They hate me because I'm younger than them and associate with Hidan. All I have to say is FUCK THEM!

Yuki giggles with a blush, amber eyes raking Hidan's form, it's obvious that even though she loves yaoi, she fancies Hidan. _**ALOT!**_ She's popular and has a taste for bad boys so fell head over heels for the local chibi Jashinist when he started his rebellious period of fighting and skipping class, dragging me with him yet keeping good grades. However, as obvious as it is to everyone else in the class, Hidan doesn't seem to notice her infatuation, in fact if anything, he complains about her the most, going so far as to paint her face on a target and aim his weapons at her, strangely enough hitting her eyes more often than not. PLEASE NEVER HATE ME, I LIKE MY EYES!

Hidan snarls angrily and grabs me, as I am spun and thrown over this shoulder "Go eat shit whore" he hissed before walking off rather quickly, from my place over his shoulder I can see her checking him out. I shiver averting my eyes. Being older than my body makes it weird, STOP STARING AT HIS ASS YOU CREEPY PERVERT!

Hidan uses the flicker technique and we appear in the main part of the village before he puts me down "stupid fucking bitch, nothing but a dirty little whore, one day I'll sacrifice her to Jashin-Sama" he muttered hatefully, a killer intent exuding off him. Last time he gave off such negative waves he nearly killed the guy, to this day he can't be a shinobi because of the damage inflicted. I shiver nervously "Hida ass hole?" I ask, snapping the zerlot out of his dark ramblings "yeah?" he asks, He likes it when I call him Hida anything, be it ass hole, kun or chan, he just likes it and normally made happy when I say it. I smile "wanna get somthin to eat, I'm starving!" I chirp. He smirks like usual and nods "HELL YEAH! I VOTE BBQ!" I giggle and nod. Hidan loves his meat.

We sit in the BBQ restaurant, watching ribs and slices of meat sizzle, Hidan practically drooling while eyeing the biggest rib. I smile and roll my eyes before stretching my arms above my head, feeling stiff from training earlier, I can feel a light click in my spine that feels like heaven and I purr contently, eyes closed. When they open they fall into magenta "hmm?" I hum in question which only gets a smirk. I shrug and roll my shoulders "you went so hard with me today, I'm sore" I complained about out earlier training, making Hidan snigger with a blush "sounds fucking dirty" he purred making me blush, in my past life saying the word p, pe…DAMMIT!… the male sex organ would have me passed out, I'm not much better off in this one though a hormonal and perverted Hidan is slowly desensitizing me to it.

I swear my sole just escaped from my mouth as I stare at him wide eyed flapping my mouth like a fish out of water. He can make anything dirty… I mean ANYTHING! I shake my head to clear my head before checking the meat.

The second it's done Hidan pounces on the large rib he's been eyeing. I take smaller bits humming absentmindedly while I eat. BBQ is messy and my fingers are coated in the sticky sauce but I don't mind, the best bit is licking your fingers at the end.

"What's got your head in the fuckin clouds fuck face?" Hidan asked out of the blue making me jump. He smirked at my reaction with a rib hanging out of his mouth to which I pouted as I sighed " I'm just thinkin bout tomorrow, If we pass there is a high chance that we won't be on the same squad and I hate everyone else in the class" I murmured then took a small bite of the meat. Hidan sighed "I don't like the fuckers either, if you're not on my team I'll end up fucking killing them" he growled before ripping flesh from bone and discarding the remains in a POOR RIBS DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE! "I guess" I smiled and quickly snatched up another piece of meat before Hidan could devour them all.

Licking my fingers, I twirl my tongue around every digit, savouring the taste; I love BBQ, not as much as Hidan but I really do love it. After many years of eating BBQ with the Jashinist opposite me I have got licking the remnants of BBQ down to an art form, wherever BBQ has touched my tongue will find. I look over Hidan who jaw has hit the table. I look at him strangely "What?" I question clumsily around my fingers. His cheeks burn up bright crimson "you're so fucking innocent sometimes" he mumbled, shifting in his seat and averting his eyes. I tilt my head in confusion. His mind must be a weird place.


	13. Peice of Piss

**Chapter 13: Piece of Piss:**

The morning was bright as I pulled on my clothes, Black shorts, mesh undershirt, purple long sleeved shirt with red lining, red fabric belt in a knot at the front around my hip but over my shirt, bandages around my hands and ankles, black sandals and clan necklace before I brush my hair through and put on my weapon pouch and shuriken holster.

I eat a quick breakfast and bolt out the door to Hidan's. He doesn't live far away and after a short run I'm knocking on his door. The chibi Jashinist answers, tapping on his sandals and pulling on his shirt, I have a feeling it isn't going to be long until he starts walking around half naked as he's always talking about how uncomfortable they are. If it was his choice, I think he'd be walking around completely naked.

We leave and have a pleasant stroll to the academy; the village is still sleepy as there are now more civilians than shinobi, which tells me this village won't be a shinobi village for many more years. If I'm lucky it'll last until I'm firmly into my teens but I have a feeling I'm just being optimistic. Hidan glares at the village, I guess he's come to the same conclusion "This place is turning into a shit whole" he growled. I sigh but nod none the less "kinda sad in a way"

As we arrive, there are already a few people waiting in the classroom. Usagi-sensei is once more harassing Shin-sensei who has his nose buried in a mountain of homework that's yet to be marked. I sit in my normal seat and check my weapons while Hidan swings his scythe around gracefully.

Once everyone is here Usagi passes out our written test. I'm not worried about this bit, I have a keen mind and I'm the most academic in my class so this shouldn't be so bad. Even Hidan will breeze this.

After 20 minutes of furious writing I'm done. We have another 10 to wait before this part of the exam is over so I lean back in my chair while Usagi-Sensei collects my written exam, marking it immediately. I watch his hand make little ticking motions over my work and I smile. BREEZED IT!

As the others finish up and we are allowed to talk Hidan smirks at me "That was fuckin' easy!" he laughed manically. I smiled "Yep, piece of piss" I giggled.

The room soon falls into quiet chatter, every few minutes a name is called for the second half of the test. I'm still not sure what it's on but I shouldn't have any trouble, I'm good at all the basic jutsu they can ask.

Hidan is called first and I wish him luck though we both know he doesn't need it. I wait in my chair quietly. Waiting.

The chair beside me is pulled out and I look to see Yuki beaming at me "Yaoi boy" she chirped happily. I feel my left eye twitch and a small growl rumble in my throat. I give her a glare before looking ahead trying to ignore her "AWW, don't be like that yaoi boy, I just wanna talk!" she whined, tugging on my sleeve like a small child. I continue to try and ignore her but she's too annoying "What the fuck do ya want?!" I hiss to which she smiles happily "To talk, silly!" She beams at me. I flinch away and mutter 'I wish ass hole was here to save me'. Her ears prick up at the mention of Hidan "Hidan huh? You 2 spend a lot of time with each other, like boyfriends" she poked making me growl, "WE'RE NOT GAY!" I hiss with a blush, she giggles happily "you sure? you spend a lot of time pinned down under him. You practically ooze sexual tension" she squealed happily. **SHE READS _TOO MUCH_ YAOI!** My jaw hits the table. "WE DON'T _OOZE_ SEXUAL TENSION BITCH, WE'RE _JUST_ FRIENDS" I yell.

Just before she can counter my name is called. _**THANK YOU GOD WHO IS FUCKIN WITH ME!**_ I make a quick exit into the neighbouring room.

Usagi-sensei and Shin-sensei are sitting behind a large desk, neatly covered in folded headbands. I look them both in the eye and smile "What you want me to do?" I ask softly and Usagi-sensei's eye twitches while he mutters brat. He's quickly hit my Shin-sensei who smiles back "You will perform the transformation jutsu for us, transform into Usagi-sensei" I nod then smirk "Do I have to include the stick up his ass?" I question with a snigger while shin-sensei has to hold the fellow chunin back from attacking me, his kunai already out of the holster ready to come flying at me. I laugh and make the hand signs quickly before a Puff of smoke and I transform into Usagi, down to the glare and evil smirk.

Shin-sensei smiles happily "You pass, come back tomorrow morning and you'll be put into your squad and assigned to a jonin" I'm handed a headband and I bow, releasing the jutsu and leaving.

The second I'm out the building I'm jumped by Hidan and sent tumbling, once again flat on my back "WE PASSED!" he cheered in my face the second he saw my head band, having already tied his own around his neck. I smiled and nodded. After a squirm I managed to flip out positions so I was sitting on him, legs straddling his sides while his hands sit on my hips so I don't fall off. I can tell he let me swap our positions but I don't care. I smile down at him brightly. His magenta eyes sparkle in the strange way they do and I giggle at the dopy smile that has settled on his face.

"SO CUUUUTE! UKE ON TOP!" we heard a girly squeal and a flurry of clicking sounds. I look up to see Yuki, frantically clicking the button on her camera, blood running from her nose and a blush on her cheeks, Her headband tied around her waist. THE CRAZY BITCH PASSED?! _**NOOOOOOOOOOO!**_

Hidan and I scramble from our positions on the ground and make a run for it, Yuki following shouting about how we don't need to be shy and how cute we are while Hidan threw a string of cusses back at her. Whatever god is fucking with me, _**PLEASE MAKE HER LEAVE US ALONE!**_


	14. 3's a Crowd

**Chapter 14: 3s a Crowd:**

In the morning after the exam, I am sitting in my usual classroom looking at the head ban. I decided to tie it around my right thigh above my shuriken holster. Hidan is sprawled across the table in boredom as Usagi-sensei looks over his list "ALRIGHT BRATS! AS YOU'VE ALL PASSED, I NEED TO TELL YOU YOUR SQUADS BEFORE I CAN SEE THE BACK OF YOU SO SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION, I'M NOT REPEATING MYSELF!" He hissed

I jabbed Hidan in the ribs making him sit up and pay attention. Please don't separate us. Usagi started listing off names and telling them their squad name. Every time a squad was announced I felt my insides tighten more. Please, PLEASE!

"Hidan, Junketsu~" Hidan and I both laughed happily in celebration "~ and Yuki, you will be team Aka" We both suddenly stopped celebrating and fell into a state of doomed depression, little storm clouds settling above out heads while Yuki was celebrating "YAOI!" Was all we heard. I'd have been fine with anyone… ANYONE BUT HER!

Hidan and I made good our escape at lunch, being told we'd meet our sensei afterwards. We jumped out the window before Yuki could follow and ran for our lives, looking for somewhere to hide.

We stopped by the river, sitting beneath a tree "I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN OUR SHIT CLASS, THE SUCUBUS WHORE IS WITH US!" Hidan ranted, swinging his scythe around angrily.

I flop down on the ground to lay on my back, staring up as the sky before closing my eyes, hands tucked under my head for support "We have the worst luck, Bet Usagi-Sensei rigged it to make us suffer" I mumbled in annoyance.

The bright light beaming down on my closed eye lids that made me see red was obscured. I pop an eye open and meet with magenta. Really close magenta. My other eye opens as I flinch in confusion "Hida?" I Ask, voice slightly higher than usual. He's close, too close, as in seriously violating my personal space. I feel his warm breath ripple over my face making me squeak nervously.

Hidan's face is serious and his eyes have that strange shine "I hate her, I'd be fine in just a 2 man cell with you… we don't need anyone else" he purred. I nod slowly, careful not to make too many sudden movements; he was so close we were practically toughing. He smirked down at me strangely…

"YAOI BOYS, OH YAOI BOYS, WHERE ARE YOU!" I heard not too far away. Hidan growled before pulling away releasing a string of curses. He let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.. I scrambled up from my laying position to standing just in time to See Yuki burst out of the bushes "HA, FOUND YOU!" she squealed happily. Hidan seemed to have a dark cloud over his head, shooting little lightning bolts as he glared at her. I laughed a little and she flinched, obviously feeling the dark aura aimed at her. I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly and a slight blush dusting my cheeks. I have no idea what's going on here…

We had lunch and returned to the classroom to find Jonin. Several stood at the front of the room. To say the least they were intimidating. Well, all but one…

"MY ADORABLE SON!" Tou-san squealed and he threw himself at me, arms open for a hug. I side stepped and he flew past me, hitting the closed door we had just entered through. I feel a vein on my forehead pop angrily "THIS IS NOT THE TIME TOU-SAN!" I shouted and tou-san whimpered, waterfalls of tears gushing "But, but, WHY MY DARLING BABY BOY!" suddenly he flickered from where he was to my side, Yanking me into a hug as he rubbed his cheek against mine "WHY ARE YOU SO DISOBEDIENT, WHO HAS POISONED YOU AGAINST YOUR LOVING DADDY?!" He near screamed. MY POOR EARS! I THINK I'M DEAF!

Everyone was staring, the jonin were looking at him like he was crazy, the ones who knew him, slapping their hands over their faces, embarrassed for me. Tou-san suddenly tenses and glares at Hidan "I WAS YOU WASN'T IT HIDAN!" tou-san hissed glaring daggers at him. The Jashinist tenses in panic, Tou-san can be scary…

The killer intent radiating of tou-san made the chibi zealot back up and take shelter behind me as I pinch the bridge of my nose with a sigh I'm going to have to do it, my 'Secret move: Crocodile Eyes' Suddenly I look tou-san in the eye, my pinkie-red eyes becoming wide and threatening to overflow with tears while I make my lower lip shiver "T,Tou-san, why are you so m,mean, I hate mean people" I whimpered in the cutest sad voice I can do.

Anger dissolves into shame and tou-san wells with tears and is suddenly curled up in the corner in the foetal position mumbling 'I have failed my baby, I'm a bad daddy, my little angel hates me' a distinct rain cloud floating above his head.

I smirk at the sight, turning on my heel to make a peace sign at Hidan, I can practically feel a pair of black wings and horns sprouting and Hidan stares down at me "I'm no angel, I'm the devil incarnate" I giggle with a wink

As we are finally sorted into our squads, the newly formed teams and their jonin sensei's dissipate... 3 guesses who our sensei is… Yeah, you guessed it…

"My darling son, I look forward to teaching you! … And your little friends…" I sigh heavily from my spot on the academy roof where tou-san led us. Hidan sweat drops and gives me a look asking silently if tou-san is really like this. I nod and he sighs.

"So meaning we're now a team, let's get to know one another. I'LL GO FIRST! My name is Akiku Makka, Junketsu's daddy, but you can all call me Akiku-sensei, I love my son and wife, I hate anyone who makes Junketsu sad and my dream is to lead my clan to greatness!" He cheered all too happily.

He then points at Yuki who giggles "I am Yuki Aurora, I like my yaoi boys and anime, I hate sour food and boys who won't admit there is sexual tension~" Her amber eyes fell on me and I glared "~ between them and other boys and my dream for the future is to become a kick-ass kunoichi!" she giggled loudly before tou-san's eyes fell on Hidan

"My names Hidan, I like the ways of Jashin and violence and my friend fuck face, especially when we go get ribs, I fucking hate vegetarian food, succubus whores, Pagans and those who defile the ways of Jashin and my dream is to convert as many of you fuckin' heathens to the way of Jashinism and kill all fucks who don't"

Finally, Tou-sans big glassy eyes fall on me in a loving way "Your turn my darling boy" he practically fangirled

"My name is Junketsu, I like training with tou-san and Hidan as well as sultana cookies and BBQ, especially with Hida-Ass-Hole, I hate Fan girls and being bored… my dream for the future… to protect my friends and become strong"

Tou-san nodded approvingly at us "ALRIGHT MY LITTLE ONES! TOMORROW WE DO A TEAM MISSION! MEET ME HERE AT 7AM! DIIIIIISMIIIIISSED"

Suddenly tou-san was in front of me looking bashful, his index fingers lightly pushing against each other and a dopy smile on his face "My darling son, I was wondering if you'd like to get dinner" He asks. Sheesh HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S ASKING ME OUT! I smile awkwardly "Urm, Hida-ass-hole and I have plans" Tou san deflates sadly "…Alright… maybe next time?" I smile uncomfortably "Sure"

Hidan throws me over his shoulder before tou-san can abduct me, yuki following after us "Sensei is really… unique" she said with a giggle. I sigh, hanging over Hidan's shoulder "you have no fucking idea" I'm bounced on the zealot's shoulder, him angling me more comfortably on his shoulder "Your dad is fucking crazy, the first time we met he shoved a bar of soap in my mouth saying my fucking 'potty mouth' had corrupted your fragile little mind, then proceeded to fuckin death glare at me the rest of the night, he's fuckin psychopathic!" I giggle at the memory; Hidan literally swore bubbles for 20 minutes! He looked like he had rabies!


	15. One-on-One?

**Chapter 15: One-on-One?!**

We meet as planned at 7am, Tou-san too happy for so early in the morning "GOOOOD MORNING LITTLE ONES! TODAY IS THE DAY, LETS GET DOWN AND BOOGIE!" He cheered, shaking his booty. I face palm, sometimes I wonder if I'm actually his…

I'm sitting on the floor leaning on Hidan for support, the zealot having fallen asleep. I death glare at tou-san who whimpers "Anyways~" he said, gaining his composure "our mission is a team exercise so I can see if your worth teaching" that caught the other 2, Hidan suddenly jolting awake.

All three of us standing before tou-san, the other two not really paying too much attention...

I had been expecting something along the lines of the bell training to test our team work but apparently this village is more about throwing their genin to the wolves as it is not seen as important and something you just naturally pick up.

No wonder this village fails…

Tou-san's face changed from his fun loving self to training tou-san to which I automatically stood at attention.

Hidan and Yuki haven't seemed to notice the personality change so I was nice… and stamped on Hida-ass holes foot. "What the hell fuck face!" he hissed as he hopped in place, however my lack of response and rigid stance made him see the change so he followed suit Yuki copying Hidan.

"Your test is to fight me, don't hold back… unless you want to die" he said neutrally, his eyes like stone as he looked us over in a scrutinizing us. Before he smiled darkly… I forget tou-san can be scary sometimes! IS EVERYONE IS THIS VILLAGE BIPOLAR? "Who's first?"

Yuki and I step back causing tou-san's eyes to train on Hidan. The slightly flustered Jashinist looks either side of himself, noticing me and Yuki have moved back before his head snaps around to look at me with a slight glare as me mouthed the words 'bastard' to me. I smile sweetly at him before he looks away. Hopefully tou-san isn't too hard on him… hopefully…

All I have to say is OUCH! Tou-san meant it when he said not to hold back. Hidan's been sent flying more times than I can count, _**AT THIS RATE HE'LL SPROUT WINGS!**_ Tou-san isn't even using his kekeigenkai! THERE'S NO HOPE IN _HELL_ ANY OF US CAN WIN!

Once more Hidan is speeding through the air before slamming against a tree, his scythe skidding across the ground. The chibi zealot tries to get up but his legs give out under his weight with fatigue, his breathing laboured.

Tou-san just stands there, waiting to see if Hidan can come at him again. Once Hidan indicates he can no longer continue, Tou-san's pinkie red eyes turned on the one closest to him. Yuki. I see her tense but she bites back her growing nerves and steps forward. This isn't going to end well. "R.I.P TO THE GIRL WHO ANNOYS ME, HER DAY IS OVER, YAOI STALKING IS OVER!" I sing aloud to Rita Ora's tune…. DON'T JUDGE ME! Yuki visably tences at the song and I snigger, Hidan even let out a faint chuckle, she's totally screwed….

I sneak off to Hidan's side, the Jashinist still sitting at the foot of the tree he was slammed into "You alright Hida?" I ask softly, only now noticing the trickle of blood running down his chin. Magenta eyes turn to me "Your dad is fuckin' strong" he managed between his panting as he smiled. I can't help but smile back, if he's swearing he's fine.

I slip my hand into my kunai pouch and pull out a box of food pills, tapping out 3 into my hand before giving two to Hidan who eats them without question, the other I roll between my fingers, waiting…

I watch the fight with interest, Yuki is a clan kid and she's _kinda _good at mid-range attacks but I can tell she's hiding something, maybe a special ability or clan jutsu… I'm going to have to do a little research it seems…

Yuki slams against the ground, she doesn't shine at taijutsu so the second he got close she was well and truly fucked. Tou-san doesn't excel at taijutsu either but he can easily take a genin down, I hate to think what he'd do if we were the enemy and not some little genin...

The crazy fan girl stays down in defeat and those familiar pinkie eyes fall onto me. CRAP!

I sigh before standing, quickly consuming the food pill with a loud crunch between my teeth… Ewwww, tastes like shit… I walk forward towards my doom… this is going to HURT…

We stare each other down, the breeze rustling the nearby trees as I finger my shuriken holster… waiting…

The second Tou-san's eyes sharpen I throw a flurry of weapons and create more space between us, an assault of shuriken, kunai and senbon slicing the air. My aim is good but his dodging is better as he weaves around them. DAMMIT!

Tou-san flickers up close and personal, slamming his fist forward only to be met with my forearms in a block, the sheer force of his punch causing me to skid but I channel chakra into my feet to keep me in place. Another swing and I duck only to receive a nasty kick to my ribs which creak dangerously as I slam into a tree.

I quickly channel more chakra into my feet and bolt up the tree trunk, using the leaves as cover as I weave through the branches looking for an opening. Though I'm playing to my own advantage, I'm playing to tou-sans too.

I can see Hidan and Yuki sitting on the ground looking up, trying to spot me…

Weapons slice up into the branches but I evade with ease, years of Usagi-sensei using me for target practice allowing me to do so. _**I NEVER THOUGHT I'D THANK HIM FOR BEING A SADISTIC CHILD ABUSER!**_

Several minutes pass and we're getting nowhere. Tou-sans weapons suddenly change course, no longer aiming for me but…

_**EVIL FUCK!**_

Kunai and shuriken glide through the air towards an un-reacting Hidan and Yuki, they don't notice in time.

Before I know what I'm doing I'm running, everything in slow motion as I drop from the tree tops, I can hear my heart beat in my head, feel the blood rushing through my veins, feeling the pulsation of life within me before I eject, the metallic taste all too familiar. A burst of adrenaline…I feel ALIVE!


	16. Blood and Tears

**Chapter 16: Blood and Tears:**

Hidan and Yuki stare... Before them a wall of red twists and swirls before breaking its shape and returning to me, spiralling around my body in a double helix formation, rotating slowly. I pant lightly, growling angrily at tou-san who has a strange smile working its way on his lips. OROCHIMARU PEDO SMILE! "Are we going to stop playing games now?" he purred, pinkie red eyes sharp.

A slither of red escapes from his sleeve, twisting towards me but I block with one of the helixes. The world is pulsating in my eyes as I am suddenly very aware of everything around me. One half of the double helix around me unravels, shooting away and going after tou-san. Everything is in slow motion, I watch the movements of his muscles, the blood supplying them with oxygen sensing every heartbeat... this has been happening recently, is it normal? I watch carefully as tou-san's body backflips away as he releases a flurry of kunai that are blocked with my blood wall. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME! He steps back and I smile GOT YA!

The second helix around me unravels and shoots forward slicing tou-san across the cheek. He looks surprised but I know better than to think I caught him off guard… I cut him though…WOOOOOO!

Blood clashes, mixing and separating violently, every cell carefully manipulated to do my bidding, I will not fail. The adrenaline in my system is almost euphoric, heightening my senses, every attack effortlessly evaded, my eyes fixated on my prey… nothing else matters.

A battle of just blood manipulation is getting nowhere… I discreetly make hand signs…

Tou-sans blood makes it around mine, speeding at me like a red dart, piercing my chest….

Water spills from the wound before the body bursts into water… _**WATER STYLE: WATER CLONE JUTSU **_**BALANCED WITH A**_** SUBSTITUTION JUTSU **_**BITCHES!** He's open for an attack…

My blood wraps around his body constricting around his muscles… I know he's holding back but… I've never felt so alive… tightening my grip my blood squeezes him firmly, indicating that I could crush him… I'm tired… CURSE STILL HAVING A REALITIVELY SMALL CHAKRA SUPPLY! WHY MUST I BE SO YOUNG!

"That's enough" was the one command I heard. Tou-san recalled his own blood to which I did the same before panting heavily, coming out of my hiding place in the tree tops… SUBSTITUTION JUTSU IS AWESOME!

Hidan is by my side in a heartbeat "Oi fuck face, you alright?" he asked, his voice concerned. AWWW! _TINMAN __**DOES**__ HAVE A HEART!_ I smile weakly and nod "low chakra" I mumble as Hidan gives me a strange look before he suddenly explodes "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?, WHAT WAS THAT ATTACK?!,FUCKIN EXPLAIN!" he snarls… I was expecting something along these lines to happen when he found out…

Tou-san looks down at Hidan then looks to me "You never told him about our family?" he asked with a curious voice to which I shake my head. OF COURSE NOT! Hidan is getting impatient, mumbling curses under his breath "JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY!" he hisses.

Tou-san, being the evil bastard he his, vanishes leaving me to explain things to Hidan, thankfully he grabs Yuki, mumbling something about 'male bonding' making her whine about yaoi. _**DAMMIT YUKI, WE'RE NOT YAOI BOYS!**_

When they're gone I finally look Hidan in the eye. That's when I see it. He's worried "Fuckin tell me already, what was sensei talkin about your family!" he near pleads… I've never thought I'd see the day when HIDAN of all people practically BEGS… it's creepy… I sigh, he's going to think I'm a freak but I guess I've got no choice…

"The Makka clan has a kekeigenkai~" I began, feeling unsure of how to explain. I'm not sure of this village's outlook on kekeigenkai, for all I know it could be like the mist village and I might be hated… I don't want Hidan to hate me… please don't hate me… "~being a member of the clan… I can use my blood as a weapon" I mumbled, fiddling with the red fabric belt around my waist, it's suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!" the Jashinist shouted angrily, suddenly grabbing my shoulders tightly in a vice like grip, shaking me slightly "THAT'S SOMETHING YOU FUCKING TELL YOUR BEST FUCKING FRIEND, DON'T YA TRUST ME ENOUGH TO TELL ME THIS SHIT!" He roared making me flinch as his grip tightened to the extent of pain. His eyes are wild, an almost pained look tinging those magenta pools.

"I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A FREAK IN _YOUR_ EYES!" I finally shouted, feeling my eyes prickle, threatening to overflow with tears "I DON'T CARE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO HATE ME, YOU'RE MY ONLY FRIEND" I sobbed, my voice shaking as I tried to breath. Tears began to run down my cheeks, unable to be held back any longer. I don't want to cry in front of him, I don't want to be weak in his eyes… I use my long sleeve to try to dry cheeks of tears, trying to make them stop but they won't stop coming. **_WHY CAN'T I STOP CRYING?!_**

I sniff and shiver, rubbing my eyes when there is warmth surrounding me. My eyes shoot open in panic to find myself within the tight embrace of Hidan. Tears roll down my cheeks "Hida?" I whimper but he just pulls me closer, holding me tight as he rested his head on my shoulder, his cheeks blushed furiously "you're not a freak" he mumbled into my ear making me shudder, slowly relaxing into his warmth. "And I could never hate you… you're the only person I could never hate, ketsu… I fuckin care about you…" I feel his arms tighten as he breathes in deeply against my shoulder. I burry my nose into the crook of his neck, the scent of metal and blood overriding my senses. I never knew the ass-hole could be so sweet… I guess the anime doesn't reveal everything about the characters personality… I like this side of Hidan.

I can feel my cheeks warm as blood rushes to the surface, I look up at Hidan only to fall into the most gentle magenta, the Jashinists features have softened giving him a less dangerous appearance, he's close but this time I don't mind, it's not awkward or weird, it's warm and natural, like a heartbeat. But what hit me where his eyes, they seemed to look into my sole, past everything I am to the insecurities I buried long before this life, as if he understands…

He smiles down at me "common, let's go get some fuckin BBQ, my treat" I smile and nod, rubbing my eyes once more. He relinquishes his hold around me "Never knew you were a softie" I giggled making Hidan smile, not smirk, SMILE! **I THINK I BROKE HIM!** "You tell anyone I'll hunt you down and sacrifice you to Jashin-Sama, Jashinist in training or not" He warned though his voice held a playful tone.

I think… I think I'm beginning to like this world…just a little bit…

* * *

**AN:/:**

**Soo... what do you guys think of the fluffy ending? yes, no, maybe?**

**Hope you all are enjoyin the story so far ^.^**


	17. Morning Training

**Chapter 17: Morning Training**

Hidan and I bumped into Tou-san on our way home yesterday, apparently he was impressed with us so has confirmed us as a genin squad and that we needed to be in the missions' office tomorrow at 08:00 am to receive our first mission… _**YAY**_**, SOME TOTALLY **_**USELESS**_** D-RANK THAT IS MORE LIKE A **_**FUCKING CHORE**_** THAN A MISSION, I'M **_**SO**_** EXCITED I COULD **_**CRAP**_** MYSELF!**

Thankfully I don't have to be up for a few hours so I'm happily curled up in bed, enjoying the soft twitter of birdcall outside my open window… so peaceful…

Tweet, tweet tweet… tweet… _**CRASH!**_

I quickly jump up from my bed kunai in hand and quickly head over to the window… "FUCK YOU BIRDS! I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKIN EGGS! _PISS OFF!_" looking out, I see Hidan lying flat on his back with small branches surrounding him and two-parent birds dive-bombing him in an attempt to protect their un-hatched eggs… _**WHAT THE HELL?!**_

I put away my kunai and jump out my window, landing gracefully next to the heap of Hidan on the floor. IF HE DOESN'T SHUT UP HE'LL WAKE THE ENTIRE VILLAGE!

"Explain" I growl angrily. HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY BEAUTY SLEEP! The zealot in question smiles sheepishly "Fuck face, I err… was just coming to see if you were interested in doin' a little early morning training… a little one on one?" his voice trailed off at my un-amused face…

_**POW!**_

I punch him hard in the face causing him to fall backwards, unconscious…. What? I'M NOT A MORNING PERSON OKAY!

I throw the idiot over my shoulder and walk up my house wall back to my room which is no easy feat, DAMMIT HIDAN IS FREAKIN **HEAVY!** _LAY OFF THE BBQ!_

I dump him on my bedroom floor before proceeding to grab the cup of water on my night stand and tipping it over his face… if this doesn't wake him up I might actually kill him… I can't be bothered to get more water… but then again blood does stain…

Luckily for him he does wake up, looking a little dazed before sitting up and glaring at me "you're a real bastard sometimes fuck face" he growls in annoyance to which I smile sweetly "Love ya too ass-hole" I giggle as Hidan's face lights up like a cherry. TODAYS MISSION: EMBARRASS HIDAN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! Revenge is a dish I like to serve blushing... hehehehehe…

The second he's fully conscious again, the zealot demands I go train with him as compensation for my brutal attack… IT WAS _HIS_ FAULT, **WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?!**

Getting changed into my usual attire, I am dragged from my home, the world is still pretty dark, WHAT THE HELL IS THE TIME?!

Through the sleepy streets we walk, passing the closed shops and spa resorts which are very common in the village; taking advantage of the natural hot springs in the land of hot water. I can feel myself frown at the thought of a shinobi village being reduced to a mere tourist resort, it's pathetic! You wouldn't see any of the 5 great shinobi villages doing this, hell; even the less well known villages of waterfall and Star wouldn't stoop this low…

Away from the village we end up in a training ground with a river running through it, the soft babbling sound making me sigh in contentment, that is until Hidan ruins it "ALRIGHT FUCK FACE, TAIJUTSU WARM UP!" he announced loudly before launching himself at me, GIVE ME SOME WARNING!

His fist connects with my face, well my clones face, LIKE HELL AM I JUST GUNNA STAND AROUND AND GET PUNCHED. I myself launch a surprise attack from behind, kicking the Jashinist up the ass and sending him crashing forwards to head butt a tree. OUCHIE!

He quickly springs to his feet and runs at me guns blazing; I willingly back myself us against another tree and dodge just in time for Hidan to punch the tree, earning a string of curses. I sweep my legs under him, putting him of balance and, bring my elbow down into his stomach to which I hear a wrenching sound.

Flickering away, I land on the rivers surface channelling my chakra to stay there… this is gunna be good… Hidan follows after me, believing the water is shallow and automatically falls in with a yelp, HAHAHAHAHA! Hidan can't water walk yet!

The tables soon turn, as soon as he lands a nasty kick to my side he starts his merciless attacking, I block most and throw a few nasty strikes but his sheer physical strength outweighs mine and I'm soon trapped against a tree, with Hidan holding me in place.

WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND TRAPPING ME PLACES?! It's because of his trapping Yuki thinks we're yaoi boys… WE'RE NOT!

I mumble an "I give" to which Hidan relinquishes his vice like grip on my arm, however I'm still backed up against the tree…

Being older mentally has its advantages; my mind concocts a plan for revenge.

I force my blood into my cheeks, creating a blush and pull a girly pout as I look Hidan in the eye "Hida-nii ish so mean to me, don't you love me, I love you nii-san" my voice is soft and cute… the reaction is priceless.

Hidan's face is the colour of a tomato, his magenta eyes wide and his mouth hangs open, opening and closing like a fish out of water as his words get trapped in this throat. He's frozen in place and burning up by the second. REVENGE IS A BITCH!

I burst into laughter, I couldn't help myself, his cheeks seem to darken all the more as he glares at me "Ha fuckin ha fuck face" came his sarcastic hissing to which I smile "Aww, don't be like that Hida-asshole" I giggle, throwing my arms around his shoulders "You know I think you're awesome really" He Smirked and suddenly I'm over his shoulder and we're spinning, the world a swirl of amber and pink as the sun begins to rise.

I suppose getting up this early wasn't too bad…I guess…

* * *

**AN:/:**

**Yo, I just thought i should let ya all know that next weeks updates are going to be a little more spaced out due to me being on holiday. SORRY!**

**I hope you are all enjoying the story so far, thank you for all the support!**


	18. D-Ranks Suck Cock

**Chapter 18: D-Ranks Suck Cock:**

As 07:30am rolls round, Hidan has beaten me black and blue with taijutsu. I returned the favour during the free spar, meaning he knows about my blood ability I gave him a taste of all the training I've been doing, pummelling him as repayment for all the bruises.

We're sprawled out on the grass, staring up at the sky having a few moments rest before having to head back to the village for our first mission… I'd rather stay here, not chasing cats and pulling up weeds.

I'm absentmindedly humming a song from my past life, I was a huge music fan back then though I had a taste for bands like the Misfits, Slipknot, Soulfly, Tool and Type O Negative. It didn't stop me from enjoying other music on the side. Kagamine Len - Gigantic O.T.N* is ridiculously catchy… the mother fucker is stuck on loop in my head! **IT'S DRIVING ME BERSERK!**

As I humm, I hear Hidan sigh "oi fuck face, what ya hummin?" he asked, his deeper voice slightly higher than usual with curiosity. I can't really tell him 'a song from my past life where you're an anime character' it would make me sound crazy…. I'M NOT!

"just a random song" I mumble to which Hidan lets out a low hn sound "sounds alright" he noted absentmindedly. I tilt my head side ways to look at my teammate. He's staring up at the sky, face unnaturally calm and relaxed. I smile to myself before I lightly jab him in the ribs making him tilt his head toward me with a half-hearted glare before he smirks "ALRIGHT fuck face, we gotta bloody go, psycho-sensei won't like it if his 'precious baby' doesn't arrive on fuckin time" he chuckles to himself as I pout "don't wanna" I whine before rolling away from him.

I hear slight movement behind me and then suddenly the world is spinning and I'm over Hidan's shoulder like a sack of potatoes "PUT ME DOWN YOU ASS HOLE!" I hiss, clawing at his back but he just chuckles "you sure you ain't a fuckin bitch? You're starting to fill out like one"

I think my jaw just hit the floor "AM NOT YOU FUCKIN PERVERT!" I hiss, flailing in the zealots grip which only tightens around me in response. THE BASTARD! HOW DARE HE COMPARE ME TO A GIRL!

After about 10 minutes of incessant squirming and back clawing I finally yield and allow myself to be carried. I hang over his shoulder limply, mumbling in annoyance "just you wait you dick, I'll sacrifice you to Jashin"

Hidan chuckles. That's when I realise I'm starting to sound like Hidan! NO! I WON'T BE A ZEALOT! NEVER! "Good fuck face, JASHIN-SAMA WILL BE PLEASED!" he cheered. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO…. did I mention _**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_

Coming back to the village we still had about 10 minutes before we HAD to be there, I only noticed we were going on a detour when we walked passed our destination, DOES HE KNOW WE'VE PASSED THE BUILDING?!

"Oi ass hole, we just walked past the missions office!" I complained, whacking the zealot in the middle of the back to make sure I have his attention. He let out a slight hiss of discomfort "I know fuck face, just getting something" he growled

We headed into the market area not so far away when Hidan stopped "Oi, Can I get 2" I glare and whack him in the back "MANNERS" I hiss making his sigh "FINE! Oi, can I get 2 please, happy now fuck face!?" he moans to which I giggle. I hear the exchange of money and Hidan finally puts me down, I automatically spin around to come face-to-face with a stick of meat?

From Hidan's smirk I am most likely staring at the food item like it's an alien "huh?" I ask in confusion, which only seems to make the ass hole smirk all the more "breakfast" he states before thrusting it into my hand.

We walk back the way we came, Hidan wolfing down the thing that looks suspiciously like what American's would know as a 'corn dog' though I never tried one in my past life, WHAT? THEY WEREN'T COMMON FOOD WHERE I CAME FROM! I give it a sniff, smells alright… I take a tester nibble of the end, tastes alright… Deciding Hida isn't trying to poison me I continue to eat it.

I'm so engrossed in this new food I don't noticed we've arrived outside the missions office. I look over to Hidan to see his face as red as a tomato staring at me wide eyed… Did I do something? The way he's staring I'm exspecting him to get a nosebleed… oh wait… there it is. A small trickle of blood makes its way down his face… WHAT I DO?! "Hida?" I ask unsure but he quickly looks away mumbling something along the line 'never watch him eat them again' and 'looked so pervy'…. I think I never wanna take a holiday in Hidan's brain…. EVER!

We enter the missions' office…

Here we are, team aka on our first mission which is…

LITTER PICKING…

I know you're jealous, my awesome ninja mission is way better than guarding an important person or fighting for your life… _**ANBU EAT YOUR HEART OUT!**_

The only positive in this was Hidan's face when he heard our mission, it was like he was sucking a poisoned lemon, I nearly wet myself with laughter at the sight!

So here we are, heading round the village with baskets and litter spears spiking any trash we see… So much fun I could cry…

Yuki is overly positive and as a result Hidan is trying to impale her with his litter spear, that's not a euphemism either.

"LET ME STAB HER, JUST FUCKIN ONCE!" Hidan snarled while I pushed the raging Jashinist away from the pale haired bluennette "BAD BOY HIDA!" I growled, using chakra to reinforce my muscles. "I'M NOT A DOG!" The silver haired Jashinist barked. I hear Yuki giggle behind us "so Hidan's your pet?" She asks in a sly voice. I feel my eye twitch.

Tou-san is suddenly holding Hidan and myself back as we both turn on her "NOOOOOO!" we both screech in unison, nearly dragging tou-san sensei with us as we try and get at her. I'M SURROUNDED BY PERVERTS!

When we FINALLY calm down, the mission is over and we report back to get another… weeding a garden…YAY! ANOTHER TOTALLY LAME AND BORING TASK!

The garden is no flower covered, it's a herb garden, a few which I have seen before "Sensei, aren't these medicinal herbs?" I ask to which tou-san smiles "YES! I can see your mother is already working her charm on you!" he squealed to which I pulled a confused face. What's Kaa-san got to do with this?

Noticing my face tou-san giggles "Kaa-san is a fine medical ninja before she retired to have you, she's probably been teaching you about the herbs without you knowing, she's always been sneaky like that" he purrs in a reminiscing way… KAA-SAN WAS A NINJA_**?! NO WONDER SHE'S SO SCARY!**_ Why didn't I know?

Maybe I can get her to teach me about medicine… Having Hidan, the soon to be immortal, on my team it might be a good idea… Why do I feel I'm going to regret this?

We complete a few more crappy missions before we're done for the day, tou-san returning in his report on them and us getting paid…. **MONEY!** It wasn't a massive amount, but it was fair considering that the missions we did were not difficult ones, just labour intensive.

* * *

**AN:/:**

***Kagamine Len - Gigantic O.T.N REMEMBER THIS FOR THERE WILL BE A SPECIAL CHAPTER CENTRIC AROUND THIS SONG LATER IN THE STORY! (PCheshire influenced it... thank you for getting me addicted to it buddy)**

**Another chapter is going up today... especially for Sarah132c (PROMISED i WOULD)**


	19. Medic Nin from Hell!

**Chapter 19: Medic Nin From Hell!:**

When I got home kaa-san was there as per usual baking saltana cookies… She may be scary but her sultana cookies are like heaven!

She smiles brightly at me and I smile in retunn "How was your first day as a real ninja been?" she asked in a knowing way "Boring as hell!" I sighed going to her side to help her out to which she smiles…

"Kaa-san~" I ask softly, I'm not going to poke the bear by being too forward… SHE'LL EAT ME! She humms for me to continue "I was wondering… if you knew where I could learn a little medical ninjutsu… Hidan is a little accident prone and I don't want him dead when we go on harder missions because he's too gung hoe" MUST NOT SWEAR… BITE TOUNGE! She slows her pace, looking at me from the corner of her eye… PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

"Are you sure you want someone to teach you… it's hard and needs commitment… you'll have to work even harder than you already do" her voice was soft and lightly concerned but I could hear a calculating undertone… she's thinking it over…

"I'm willing to work even harder for the good of the team… I just need someone to teach me" I proclaim with confidence, looking directly at her. Our eyes connect, Pinky red looking into unnaturally vibrant green… then a near evil smile makes its way on her lips… I knew I was going to regret this...

"ALRIGHT! Meaning you're so determined I, The Lavender Fury, will teach you" WHAT DOES SHE MEAN LAVENDER FURY? PLEASE DON'T BE LIKE KUSHINA!

I'm going to die at her hands… she is exactly like Kushina… DOWN TO THE SHORT TEMPER! …. I thought she was scary before but THIS. IS. REDICULOUS!

"JUNKETSUUU! WHAT IS THIS HERB CALLED, YOU GET IT WRONG I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" she hissed and I swear my sole escaped…. THINK JUNKETSU, _**THINK! **_"urr…Megusurisō*?" ….PLEASE DON'T BE WRONG! To my relief she smiles sweetly "correct" She pulls out another from the many pots and jars not littering the table "And this one?" she asks in a dangerously sweet voice sending chills up my spine… FUCK! I stare at the plant in question… large flat leaves with black berries…. DAMMIT! WHAT ARE YOU! Whose bright fuckin idea was it to ask kaa-san for training… oh yeah… I'm so stupid…

Apparently my time is up "This my boy… is _Atropa belladonn… _better known as Bella Donna or Deadly Night Shade… VERY TOXIC due to the presence of tropane alkaloids" She's acting too sweet… Senbon are suddenly flying "YOU BETTER GET RUNNING SHONEN, MY SENBON ARE LACED WITH ATROPA BELLADONN EXTRACT" he snarled. I need to encouragement and bolt for it. NOTE TO SELF, _NEVER GET HER QUESTIONS WRONG __**EVER AGAIN!**_

* * *

_**AN:/:**_

_**Only a short chapter, sorry about that but i wanted to highlight what Junketsu's mother was like... SCARY!**_

_***Megusurisō - Used in Naruto anime for eye strain**_


	20. Blood Affinity and Unheard Conversations

**Chapter 20: Blood Style: Blood Affinity**

Without question, genin missions are PAINFULLY EASY! Half the time I could do them with my eyes shut… however, as easy as they are … I've recently started to notice something… a strange feeling. NO, _**NOT**_ PUBERTY YOU PERVERTS!

It was barely noticeable at first, but the more I concentrate on it, the more it makes itself known. It started as a light pulsation of the near surrounding area, like a buzz… but now…

It's been a few weeks since it began to distract me and I'm fascinated. It happens whenever I'm anywhere near people, everyone having their own distinct pulsation… I've worked it out as part of my kekeigenkai…. I'M SO CLEVER, GIVE ME A SULTANA COOKIE!

This pulsation… its blood… other peoples blood rushing around their circulatory systems. I don't know how this works, I don't know if it's normal but I'm not asking, just in case. LIKE HELL AM I BECOMING SOME CREEPY EXPERMINET!

I know this ability is strange, as a clan we Makka are able to control our own blood within and outside our bodies, I know from extensive research that we CAN'T use another's blood…. But… if it's impossible, then why can I sense it? Why does it seem to call to me? … It's strange…

All the more interesting is that when I extend my senses and concentrate as hard as I can… I can feel more than just blood; I feel a warm wave of energy which I can only compare with my own chakra though I know it's not mine…

It's because of this; I've taken to training alone. Tou-san and Hidan are banished from my training sessions as I came up with the crappy excuse of needing to 'further my training by working on my individual skills' which has allowed me to work this much out.

Meaning I have no idea if this is an existing technique or not, I decided to name it myself, Blood Style: Blood Affinity… I'm so creative it hurts…

I'm sitting crossed legged deep in the forest near the outskirts of the village; this isn't one of my usual training places so Hida-ass hole and tou-san won't think to look for me here. Hell, this part of the forest is abandoned; no one comes here, though I have no idea why not…

As I extend my senses I'm greeted with the increase of the near constant pulsating buzz as it grows and becomes more prominent. I feel small pulsations all around, the rush of the blood running around the bodies of animals… birds, insects, a warren of rabbits… I can feel them all… my range isn't huge, maybe a couple hundred meters but it's growing with time.

The more I concentrate, the more clear the feeling becomes as the warming feel of chakra greets my senses. The natural chakra is quite easy to feel but I have no interest in trying to harness it as I don't fancy being turned into a stone thank you very fucking much.

I can feel the world, anything with a pulse I can find, as long as the blood is pumping around the veins I can sense. This coupled with the chakra sensing, I'll be a bitch to hide from… RUN ALL YOU WANT, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME! AS LONG AS YOUR HEART BEATS YOU'LL BE IN MY SIGHTS! … Wow that was kinda dark… Hidan's rubbing off on me in a bad way…

There is a spike of chakra and a new heartbeat within my range. Human, large chakra… Jonin?

It's shortly followed by another chakra beating heart but with a smaller chakra as it follows the same route, converging on the same place, not too far from me… the chakra seems jittery, maybe something interesting?

I open my eyes and quickly stand from my position on the floor and heading in the direction of to where the two chakra signatures were. What can I say? Curiosity killed the cat, it also kills the Junketsu

I'm quiet as I approach, masking my chakra creeping silently through the forest…

"It's dangerous to meet like this you know… if people find out what we're doing, the entire clan will be executed" came a painfully familiar voice… tou-san? His voice is cold and neutral, not like his usual self… it sends nervous shivers darting up and down my spine…

I stay where I am, silently listening, what is going on here?

"I know sir, it's just… are you sure we can trust him to hold his end of the bargain, we've all heard the stories, If we're betrayed it's going to destroy us" came another voice, the smaller chakra

This feels bad; the entire situation is screaming Uchiha coup d'état to me. I'M GUNNA BE SO PISSED IF MY CLAN IS COPYING THE UCHIHA!

COPYING THE COPY NINJAS!

"He's not going to betray us, he's going to save us, we've lived too long like this, we're nothing more than restrained animals in this village, it's barely a shinobi village any more, it's pitiful, together we'll show this world our clan is great, it is more than just our pride at stake, it's our entire way of life, our clan has become small and weak, if we don't act now… we will cease to exist"

I think… tou-san is off his rocker… being clan head might have gone to his head… he sounds… like he's planning something stupid…

I can feel the calm beating of tou-sans heart, steady like a beating drum… I wait for them to leave, I don't want to attract their attention by moving… this could be bad, the only question is what do I do?

* * *

**AN:/:**

**YO! I have a question for those wha are reading... I'm in debate for chapter 22 (which I am writing at the moment)... A reader sugguested I do a chapter in Yuki's POV and I was wondering what you all think? would you peeps wanna find out what is going through the fangirls head or do you wanna just say with Junketsu? I put it to you so PM me what you guys want and the result will come out when the chapter goes up... IT'S UP TO YOU!**


	21. Chunin Prep

**Chapter 21: Chunin Prep:**

I've been a genin for a couple months now we've done more D ranks than I can count and enough C ranks to keep us busy… AND NEARLY _KILL_ US! The village is full of psychos, sending genin on infiltration missions!

On top of my group missions, I've been doing missions with tou-san to help my kekeigenkai development… SUCH FUN! He's not acting weird but I know something is wrong, he's watching me like a hawk on these missions as if he's looking for something… I don't like it

My individual training is going well and my blood affinity technique is getting more and more awesome every time I do it! It's starting to become second nature, I can feel other people's blood without trying now but I still have to concentrate to feel their chakra. I can even tell people apart by their blood and chakra so no more sneak attacks from Yuki or other fan girls… I HATE FANGIRLS EVEN **MORE** THAN I HATE RABBITS!

I also learnt a new blood attack called Ruby Spear. Tou-san says it's a basic C rank attack of the clan that all clan members should know. Basically it uses chakra to shape and sharpen cells into a flexible spear or spears that can be aimed like senbon into vital organs, causing severe wounds or death. It's REALLY effective. The demonstration on a mission made me feel sick for a week, the Iwa nin knew a lot about it from the agonised screams he let out before he died. The memory of it still turns my stomach…

Kaa-san is also on the teaching wagon, near kidnapping me from team training, not that I complain because it means more precious time away from the psychopathic yaoi fangirl who is getting MORE ANNOYING BY THE DAY! She's teaching me all about herbs; how to focus my chakra correctly and when I'm not on missions forcing me to practice on animals like fish…the woman is a slave driver! I literally have nightmares about her training, more than once waking up screaming the answers to her questions!

My speed of learning is apparently verging on demonic; I'm absorbing information faster than I can get it. I was not this fast a learner in my old life, I was good but not this good… tou-san and kaa-san love it but apparently I'm scaring some of the other genin teams who have heard about me… well the boys… the girls love me, PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THEM!

I thought my days of fangirls were over… HOW WRONG I WAS! If anything it's got A LOT worse, I'm getting love letters and girls confessing to me… I DON'T WANNA! GIRLS ARE CREEPY!

Hidan is developing well, he's got even more into his religion if that is at all possible, teaching me more about it but also doing more practice of his sacrificing. It used to be just on animals but since his first kill he's gone into murder overdrive. He's been talking to me about teaching me how to sacrifice to Jashin! HELP! He's already got me praying to him… Infact the more I learn, the more I'm convinced he's the one fuckin with me… Jashin if you are the one fuckin with me I will hunt you down, god or not and kill you!

We've all had our first kills, even Yuki as shocking as it seems. She's definitely a scary bitch…I've found out her family use a type of boiling water style jutsu… she boiled her first kill alive from the inside out… what's worse is she did it ACCIDENTLY! SHE HAS NEAR _**NO CONTROL**_ OVER IT!

My first kill was… violent… I 'accidently' crushed a shinobi who was about to attack Hidan from behind with one of my blood helixes, It was pretty messy all that blood screaming out to me… when no one was paying attention I sent a small wave of chakra out and it came to me, like a magnet, as if it wanted to be mine… It was creepy as hell but kinda cool… does that make me a twisted individual? I haven't told anyone, I know I'm not meant to be able to do it… I'm not going to be considered something special. I'm not anything special, I just am a little different… I haven't repeated my little test again but I have a feeling I should…

Team aka has been gathered in the 2nd training ground, tou-san apparently has something important to tell us all. Hidan is still wearing his shirt but I don't think it's going to last long, he's complaining more than usual about how uncomfortable they are and how they get in the way… I'm expecting him to one day turn up naked, PLEASE DON'T HIDAN, I'LL BE SCARED FOR LIFE!

The second tou-san arrives we stand at attention, the other two have learnt that it is better to pay attention around tou-san for his sudden change from normal to Satan's personal trainer from hell.

"Hello my little ones, it's such a beautiful day!" tou-san giggled happily as he walked towards us with a spring in his step… he's too happy… HOW ARE WE RELATED AGAIN?

"As you know we've been a team now for a few months and as a result we've done enough missions to be considered for the chunin exams and I being the best sensei in the universe have recommended you for them! I'M SO EXCITED MY LITTLE BABIES ARE GOING TO THE CHUNIN EXAMS!" He squealed happily, doing a 360 spin on his heel… kaa-san MUST have had an affair… there is no way in hell we are father and son…seriously, what the fuck!?

Hidan has a smirk on his face the second he hears the news "FUCK YEAH!" He cheered while Yuki giggled happily… I'm surrounded by sadists… I nod my head in understanding but in all honesty I'm not sure if we're ready, yes we have developed team work but Hidan still tries to murder Yuki every mission for some sort of yaoi innuendo aimed at us, yes our individual skills are good but Yuki has no control, Hidan is too scythe happy and I'm still developing mine in secret.

A sudden question pops into my head "sensei… where are the exams being held?" I wouldn't say any of the smaller villages would hold them so it would have to be one of the 5 great shinobi nations, leaf, cloud, mist, stone or sand… I don't really like the sound of any of them… I'm too lazy to travel all the way to one of them…

Tou-san's happy smile falters slightly "It's going to be held in the Mist"…

…

… WHAT! OUR TEAM, COMPRISED OF 2 KEKEIGENKAI USERS AND A JASHINIST IS GOING TO THE BLOODY MIST WHERE THEY HATE KEKEIGENKAI USERS!? I'M GUNNA DIE! HIDAN'S GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO SERVIVE!

I feel my blood run cold at the thought, the bloody fucking mist village… Is the village trying to kill us? Maybe. Is tou-san crazy for willingly taking us there? DEFINITELY! Am I the only one thinking this is a bad idea? Yes… Yuki doesn't seem to recognise the danger… yes they don't cull kekeigenkai clans any more but that's because there are most likely none left in their village… I don't even know which Mizukage is in power right now… PLEASE BE MEI! I don't really fancy going there to find out which Mizukage is in power… nope, don't wanna!

Tou-san smiles at me "MY ADORABLE SON, THERE IS NO NEED TO WORRY YOUR SWEET LITTLE HEAD, DADDY WILL BE THERE TO PROTECT HIS LITTLE ONES FROM ANYONE BAD!" he suddenly flickers himself in front of me, yanking me into a bone crushing head "BUT YOUR CONCERN IS ADORABLE! DADDY LOVES HIS PRECIOUS BABY!" He squeals in my ear while nuzzling me. _**DO YOU WANT TO DEAFEN ME?!**_

I can feel my cheeks burn up with embarrassment. MAKE HIM STOP! Please don't let him do this while we're in the Mist village… I'll never live it down…

I'm suddenly yanked away from tou-san's squealing by Hida-asshole who pulls firmly into his side with his arm tightly wrapped around my shoulder. He smirks down at me playfully "we're gunna breeze it fuck face! WE'RE GUNNA BE BAD ASS CHUNIN!" He cheers to which I smile… bad-ass chunin...

We leave in a couple days… I guess I have to prepare… I just want to come back in one piece… and preferably **NOT** in a body bag… It's definitely Jashin who is fucking with me…


	22. A Day Served 3 Ways

**Chapter 22: A Day Served 3 Ways**

* * *

**AN:/: WARNING! FANGIRLING, ALOT OF SWEARING, DEROGATORY LANGUAGE 3 P.O.V**

* * *

***Yuki P.O.V***

Tee hee, yaoi is so hot… the only thing that could be better than yaoi is live-action yaoi with Hidan-kun and Junketsu-kun… the cute boys on my team! **THAT WOULD BE SO HOT!** I have no idea why they deign it! Hidan is obviously after little Junketsu's tight ass, the pervert tee hee, but Junketsu-kun _**OBVIOUSLY**_ has feelings for Hidan-kun, the insulting pet names, the play fighting which ends up with Junketsu-kun pinned down being straddled by Hidan-kun… OH THE WONDERS OF YAOI! JUST GET ON WITH IT AND KISS… AND HAVE SEX… AND LET ME WATCH! I WILL PAY TO WATCH! _**PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!?**_

We leave for the chunin exams tomorrow so we have no mission today, we're **SUPPOSED** to rest but **HOW** can I rest knowing THAT THERE IS _**UNRESOLVED SEXUAL TENSION**_ WITHIN MY TEAM? Yes Hidan-kun is sexy as hell, But it's so painfully obvious he fancies Junketsu-kun I can live with it… AS LONG AS I CAN WATCH!

I have a load of picture evidence that they want each other… oh my HidaJunket picture collection is so HOT! MY YAOI BOYS! EEEEEK, **THEY'D BE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE!**

I know Junketsu-Kun is a **SUPER UKE** so Hidan-Kun would have to initiate it, _**HE'S JUST BEING A BIG BIRLS BLOWSE ABOUT IT!**_ It's simple Hidan-Kun, dominate him, kiss him, mark the pale skin of his neck, tease him _**THEN HAVE HIM HARD WHILE I TAKE PICTURES!**_ Easy. Tee hee…

At this moment I'm hiding in the bushes near my yaoi boys fave tree. I know they will meet here today, they always do when it's their day off, they sit around and talk have a little sexy wrestle then go eat BBQ where Junketsu-kun licks his fingers in a serductive way which gives Hidan a boner under the table… **HOW HIDAN-KUN HASN'T JUMPED HIM YET I WILL NEVER KNOW, IF I WAS HIM I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE, JUNKETSU-JUN IS JUST BEGGING, HE'S PRACTICALLY SCREAMING 'PLEASE HIDA-ASSHOLE FUCK ME!' **

I can feel another nose bleed coming on at the thought… Hidan fucking Junketsu-kun would be Sooo hooot!

I hear to fermilliar voices approaching_**, MY YAOI BOYS ARE SO PREDICTABLE!**_

They sit together under the tree having their usual conversation about Hidan-Kuns god 'Jashin'? Is that his name? IT SO _**CUTE**_ HOW JUNKETSU-KUN MAKES AN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND HIDAN-KUN'S HOBBIES AND BELIEFS! It's even cuter how Hidan looks at Junketsu like a love sick puppy, gazing into his pinky red eyes in that lovingly dazed way! HOW HAS JUNKETSU-KUN NOT NOTICED?! Or is he just playing dumb to tease Hidan?

The way they look at each other, _**THEY JUSY OOZE SEXUAL TENSION! FOR THE LOVE THAT IS YAOI JUST COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR HOMOSEUALITY AND HAVE SEX! **_

Then again, there is that part of me that wishes Hidan-kun would notice me, he's always looking at Junketsu-kun and no matter how often I try and make my feelings know he doesn't seem to notice and is just plain mean to me… I'm not saying Hidan-kun and Junketsu-kun wouldn't be hot_**. IT WOULD.**_ I just wish Hidan-kun would look at me the same way he does Junketsu-kun, maybe even CONSIDER me if Junketsu-Kun is too stubborn to admit his feelings… I wouldn't even mind being part of a love triangle as long as Hidan could be mine sometimes… I could share if it meant I could have him to myself every once in a while.. he just never seems to notice… either that or he just doesn't care.

As they begin to wrestle, Junketsu-kun is quickly pinned against the floor, their faces close together…. KIIIIIIIIISSSSSS! I whip out my camera, capturing the beautiful moment before I can no longer restrain myself "YAOI!" Erupts from my lips as I bound out the bush for a clearer shot… only to receive the dirtiest, sexiest glare from Hidan-Kun… He's giving off more killing intent than should be possible for a genin before he swears hatefully at me, throws Junketsu-kun over his shoulder and flickers away… Did I just ruin something? _NOOOOOO!_

***Hidan P.O.V***

I fuckin' hate this… Every fuckin' day is the fuckin' same… I fuckin' hate this village, I hate the fuckin' people and I HATE being restrained by this shit hole… THE FUCKIN' HEATHENS WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF JASHIN SAMA!

I sit in my apartment shirtless and in silence… this shitty hole of a village should just fuckin' die… I hate this place and I hate everyone in it… a soft knock on my door snaps me out of my hateful musings… the one reason I bother to stick with this crap village. I'm up and am making my way to the door faster than the Yellow Fuckin Flash… the once slow beating in my chest slightly faster than before… I hate this reaction… IT MEANS _**NOTHING!**_ …. Nothing…

I open the door and fall into pinky red orbs and a smile that could melt the coldest of hearts… my best friend… my only friend… the one person I _ACTUALLY_ fuckin' like in this nightmare of a shinobi existence… he makes me feel warm… I can't stop the mucles in my face beginning to form a smile but I force myself to smirk instead… I won't fuckin loose to myself… stupid fuckin body…

"Put a shirt on you flasher, WHAT THE HELL ASS HOLE!" comes that femilliar half-hearted snarl, like fuck is angry at me, if he was he'd get that look his demon of a mother gets when she's pissed… That thing is no woman… more like a tailed beast in a bad fuckin mood… and that's on a fuckin good day!

How my Fuck face lives with THAT I have no fuckin idea… couple that with his psycho dad and you have a match made in the darkest pits of hell… How fuck face is so fuckin normal is a mystery, though I know there is something darker in him… for all that childish sugar bloody coating, he's got power… more than he himself knows… any fuckin dip shit can see it in his eyes…under that innocence there is something nasty… I can't wait till it fuckin comes out… together we'll rid the world of heathens… together…

I growl lightly at him but I don't really mean it and he fuckin knows it… HE'S TURNED ME FUCKIN SOFT! I yank on my shirt and grab my scythe "I ain't no fuckin' flasher fuck face, and why would I flash you? Though you could be mistaken for a fuckin bitch with those big fuckin eyes and girly build" I tease with a smirk to which he blushes with a glare… Fuck that's cute… NO! _**NOT**_ CUTE! HE'S A KID… AND MY _FRIEND_…_** I AIN'T NO FUCKIN' PEDOPHILE!**_

"FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!" he hisses angrily… however his anger soon dissolves away into a pouting face and his eyes seem ten times more amazing, like slightly pink rubies…"Besides, how'd you know what my body is like… unless you've seen it, Hida-nii?" I feel my face begin to burn up and my heart slamming against my rib cage… HOW DOES HE ALWAYS FUCKIN DO THAT!? I feel like my face is on fire as I whip my face away to hide my embarrassment… for someone so fuckin innocent he's good at making things sound pervy… Jashin-sama, is this a test? Is he a temptation I'm supposed to conquer? Or did you send him to me? Either fuckin way this friendship is driving me bloody insane… he's my friend… nothing more… right?

We've wandered out to our usual tree and I feel a small wave of relief "Alright fuck face! Jashin lesson time!" I cheer, plonking my ass down at the base of the tree. Junketsu moves far more gracefully, decending swiftly down to his knees before twisting his legs into a crossed position, his delicate and milky skinned yet calloused hands resting in his lap. I smirk at him "First things first, what is the key teachings?" I ask to make sure it's drilled into him. He learns faster that what should be fuckin natural so I know he remembers… he doesn't forget his training or anything he considers important… he's like a fuckin elephant with that crazy brain of his!

I listen to his response, perfect word for word as per usual, His voice is sweet, still higher than mine but he's still young so it's yet to break… but I like his voice a bit… grrrr… _**ALRIGHT A-FUCKIN-LOT, HAPPY NOW?!**_

I continue asking questions to which he answers perfect word for word… Jashin-sama would be proud, I fuckin am! Those pink rubies shine with pride when he knows he's done something right and his lips twist in the right corner of his mouth, he doesn't notice he does it… one of his little quirks… a little tell that he's happy… it makes me happy… FUCK IT NO! HE'S MY FRIEND! _NOTHING_ FUCKIN MORE! Suddenly I'm falling backwards and I'm staring into those large eyes, filled with playful mischief. I can't stop the smirk that works its way to my face as I spin us to pin him beneath me, his legs either side of me as I'm on my hand and knees above him, usually I'm straddling him but due to the angle it's ended up like this… I can feel my cheeks burn up again as I think about the defenceless position I have him in… completely at my mercy…

Our bodies are close, I can feel his rib cage pushed against my own as he breathes in and out, his eyes are large and his dark yet bright purple hair has fluffed out around him and that soft smile… my heart slams harder against my rib cage, the way it does for him… the closeness of his face allows me to feel the warm ripples against my skin sanding a small shiver bolting down my spine…. FUCK, _FUCK,_ _**FUCK!**_ I FEEL LIKE SUCH A PEDOPHILE!

HE'S A KID, 5 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME! AND MY BEST FRIEND! ARGH! FUCKING SHITTY CRAPPY ASS RAPING MOTHER FUCKER! A KID… A BOY SHOULDN'T HAVE THIS AFFECT ON ME!

"YAOI!" I hear from my left making every muscle in my body tense… THE EVIL CUNT OF A SUCUBUS WHORE! My head snaps in the direction, as does Ketsu fuck faces to see the bitch drooling with a nose bleed and her camera making high speed clicking noises. I HATE HER! I WANT HER DEAD! I'M GOING TO RIP HER HEATHEN HEAD OFF THEN BURN HER BODY!

I glare at the bitch, trying will all my might to burn holes into her or make her explode, DIE WHORE! "GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU SUCUBUS PROSTITUTE, NOTHING FUCKIN HAPPENED, WE'RE NOT FUCKIN YAOI BOYS. EAT SHIT!" I snarl, getting up and throwing fuck face over my shoulder, he squirms a little but he wants away from the psycho bitch just as much as I fuckin do.

I make a break for it, flickering away to somewhere more populated. BITCH ALWAYS STALKING US! I put ketsu-fuck face down and we walk in silence for several minutes.

"Hida, you wanna get food?" chimes his soft voice and I smirk. "BBQ!" I cheer with a fist pump to which he giggles. I love BBQ but it's always that bit better when fuck face cooks it, he doesn't burn any of it… **FUCK YOU I'M SHIT AT COOKING!**

We make it there quick, taking our usual booth and ordering the usual…. Ribs… fuck face orders fucking vegetables too which he's gunna force me to eat; he's a nutrition dictator… hehehe… dic-tator… Dick…

I can feel the drool running down my chin as I watch fuck face masterfully move the ribs, ensuring no burning and even cooking… he'd make a good house wife… house husband… no, wife suits him bloody better… though he rip my balls off I ever said that to his fuckin face…

The second he signal I can I swipe the biggest rib, the sticky coating painfully hot but I ain't waiting!

I watch as fuck face chooses smaller bits and puts some vegies on my plate with a warning glare, the same on his mother shoots out at me whenever I eat there… _'don't fuck with me and eat. The. Vegetables. Or. I'll. Shove. Them. Down. Your. Throat.'_ Look… scary fuckin genetics.

Fuck face eats carefully, not so much as a drop of sauce on his clothes or face, fingers fuckin only… he likes to lick them clean afterwards… HE'S TOO INNOCENT! CAN'T HE SEE HOW SERGUESTIVE IT LOOKS!? … no…

The second a finger touches his tongue I am hypnotised… it swirls and I can feel my cheeks burn… I'm not a pedo yaoi boy, I'm not a pedo yaoi boy_, I'M NOT A FUCKIN PEDO YAOI BOY!_ _**SHIT!**_

He looks up at me in that innocent way he does and I can feel my entire shitting body ignite with embarrassment… **DAMMIT FUCK FACE!**

I make good my escape after paying half… I wouldn't fuckin mind paying for him but he's a 50/50 kinda fuck face… I go home, desperate for an ice cold shower… I'm not a fucking pedo yaoi boy, I don't like him more than friends… he… he doesn't like me more than fuckin friends…

I sigh and return home to my empty house…

***Junketsu P.O.V***

I get up as usual, grabbing my clothes and quickly pulling them on. I'm meeting Hida-ass hole for another Jashin lesson and he'll have a hissy fit if I'm late. I quickly brush my teeth, hair and slip on my shoes before bolting out the door.

It's a short run to Hidan's and I'm there! NEW _SPRINT TO THE ASS HOLES HOUSE_ RECORD OF 2 MINUTES 12 SECONDS! I quickly knock on the door waiting for an answer.

The door opens **fast** to reveal a HALF _**NAKED**_ HIDAN!

"Put a shirt on you flasher, WHAT THE HELL ASS HOLE!" I hiss, MY POOR VERGIN EYES! **EVERY TIME DAMMIT!**

I _KNOW_ he's smirking he always does, I don't have to see it to know he is. I can hear fabric, a small grunt and the sound of metal "I ain't no fuckin' flasher fuck face, and why would I flash you? Though you could be mistaken for a fuckin bitch with those big fuckin eyes and girly build" he taunts to which I unveil me eyes to see a now fully clothed Jashinist smirking like a Cheshire cat… bastard… I feel my cheeks burn up and I glare at him _**I DON'T HAVE A GIRLY BUILD, I'M A BOY DAMMIT!**_

"FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!" I hiss angrily glaring harder. My evil brain suddenly clicks and I change my glare into a pout and look him in the eye …"Besides, how'd you know what my body is like… unless you've seen it, Hida-nii?" I ask all too sweetly. His face lights up crimson as he stares at me, eyes wide _**REVENGE IS A BITCH, DON'T FUCK WITH THE DEVIL INCARNATE! **_I can sense his blood rushing around his veins and arteries at high speed as his heart beat increases, _**I GOT HIM GOOD! **_I love this new ability, I can tell just how embarrassed Hidan is when I fuck with his head… I'M NOT EVIL… much…

We make it to our usual tree and I smile, I like this spot. "Alright fuck face! Jashin lesson time!" the slowly un-chibi-ing Jashinist cheers as he drops on his ass at the base of the tree. I carefully drop down to my knees before twisting them out to cross my legs for a gentler landing.

He's smirking at me which reminds me of my science teacher in my first life… that smirk means one thing to me… POP QUIZ!

"First things first, what is the key teachings?" DING DING DING, WE HAVE A WEENER… I'm so clever it hurts_**… I HATE POP QUIZES!**_

I feel my brain spark to life, searching my memory for the right info before I answer "anything less than utter destruction is a sin" I say to which Hidan smirks.

This hellish process continues until I notice Hidan zoning out. He's staring at me but I'm not sure if he actually sees me. **I'LL TEACH THE BASTRD FOR ZOMING OUT WHEN HE'S LISTENING TO ME!**

I pounce fround my sitting position on the floor to grab hi shoulders using my weight to push him backwards. However my plan backfires as he snaps out of his thinking just in time to spin us with a smirk, my back slams against the floor hard and although it hurts a little it's nothing serious, especially compared to Kaa-san's medical training… SHE'S A DEMON!

I'm trapped…. _AGAIN!_ I spend more time on my back with him than I do anything else, THIS SUCKS COCK! I squirm a little, my legs spread either side of his hips and my hands are either side of my head. His cheeks are cherry red and I tilt my head with a smile. He always looks so cute when he blushes… NOT IN THAT WAY, AS IN LIKE LITTLE KID CUTE!

Our bodies are close, practically pressed together as I can feel the muscles iof his chest ripple against me when I breathe. The scream of his blood is fast paced, guess I embarrassed him again, SCORE!

However, I feel a second blood rush it's~

"YAOI!" I hear in an almost PAINFULLY high pitch voice… **FANGIRL!** Hida-ass hole and myself both snap out head in the direction of the shrill squealing to find Yuki, a waterfall of blood gushing from her nose and a pervy smile that could rival OROCHIMARU! Her finger is slamming against the capture button so fast I think I can see smoke… SHE'S CRAZY!

"GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU SUCUBUS PROSTITUTE, NOTHING FUCKIN HAPPENED, WE'RE NOT FUCKIN YAOI BOYS. EAT SHIT!" I HEAR Hida hiss, his cheeks lightly blushed and is magically standing up above me. I'm still on the floor but ready to move if he attacks her.

The world is sent spinning as Hidan grabs me, throwing me over his shoulder and we disappear faster than I can glare at Yuki for stalking us. STALKING! And we're going to have to spend near _ALL_ out time with her during the chunin exams… I'M SO EXCITED I COULD CRY!

Hidan puts me down once we're away from our deranged fan girl of a team mate and we walkin silence though I can still feel Hidan fuming. I smile sweetly; I know exactly how to cheer up a moody Jashinist "Hida, you wanna get food?" I ask to which I get a deranged smirk "BBQ!" he cheers with a fist pump to which I giggle. He really loves his meat…

As soon as we're there Hidan leads to out usual booth and we order ribs and some vegetables, **HE'S GOING TO EAT THEM EVEN IF I HAVE TO FORCE FEED HIM!**

As it cooks I can see Hidan drooling on the table, once again watching the biggest rib. I smile at the familiar sight, turning my attention back to the meat and vegetables so they don't burn.

The second they're done he snatches up the biggest rib before I can warn him how hot it is. I think from the alarmed look on his face he's just found out the hard way… IDIOT!

I put some vegetables on his plate which he glares at but I hold him in a silent threat, _**HE WILL EAT THEM IF HE KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR HIM!**_

I eat the smaller bits but I'm more interested in the sauce on my fingers… The moment I'm done my tounge is swirling around them like usual, seeking all the yummy sauce.

As per usual I get that look from Hida-ass hole I don't get, I don't even think he's realised he's blushing the colour of a tomato. I look him in the eyes and his entire BODY matches his cheeks! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE!

We quickly pay before leaving, going our separate way, him going home while I go and get a little more training in.

* * *

**AN:/:**

**this is the last of the pre written chapters so you'll just have to bare with me... also NEVER exspect a chapter this longer ever again... MY HAND HURTS!**


	23. On Our Way

**Chapter 23: On Our Way**

Senbon… check

Poison coated Senbon… check

Kunai… check

Shuriken… check

Food pills… check

Explosive tags… check

Bandages… check

Basic medical kit… check

Atropa belladonn extract… check

Fox glove digoxin extract… check

Doing inventory is near painfully boring, I'm sitting on my bed room floor ticking off everything I need… I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS LAST NIGHT! It's about 04:30 am and instead of sleeping I'm checking my tools for the chunin exams in the Mist village which I leave for today… yay, I'm a kekeigenkai user going to a village where they CULL kekeigenkai users, I'm totally going to die… this sucks cock. **HARD!**

Kaa-san helped me make a few poisons last night and tou-san was bouncing off the walls in excitement, squealing about how we'll easily massacre our way through the competition… what a normal and healthy family I live in…It could be worse… I think…

Deciding I have everything I could need I pull out my sealing scroll, readily prepared and ready for action, it already containing some basic clothes, food and water for the pain in the ass journey to the bloody Mist village, the idea sending shivers up my spine while the mental images of my beaten and bloody corpse being strung up outside the village… THIS IS SUICIDE! Why couldn't we have gone somewhere more friendly, even IWA would have been nice…_I could have seen a chibi Deidara!_ … But no, Jashin is having more fun torturing me… WHAT THE HELL DID I EVER DO TO HIM?!

Sealing the carefully prepared items into the scroll, my pouch and shuriken holster already prepared, I tuck it into my kunai pouch, however I'm not stupid enough to put the antidotes in the same place, they're bandaged against my inner thigh just under my shorts leg to conceal them, I'M SO CLEVER!

I can feel anxiety eating at my confidence, death is not overly pleasant and the first time it was on my own terms… I don't fancy finding out what it's like to die any other way. Once is enough for anyone.

But it's not just the exam… tou-san… I need to find out what he's planning that's so bad it could have the entire clan executed but I can't see how I can without revealing that I know something… I could just wait, bide my time and see how the situation develops but… by the time I know it could be too late… I have over a month of just him Hida and Yuki… if I'm careful I could do a little digging, but nothing that is going to be suspicious…_ no second death for me!_

I hear running and my door slams open "WAKEY WAKEY MY DARLING BABY!" … speak of the devil and he shall appear, apparently that works for tou-sans too. How can he be so awake THIS early? … I FEEL LIKE I'M GUNNA COLLAPSE! He must be crazy… or at least mentally deranged.

Kaa-san seems to agree with me as I hear a low growling behind him, both tou-san and I tense… THE BEAR HAS BEEN AWOKEN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

"Akiku… I'm warning you to SHUT UP BEFORE I RIP YOUR MANHOOD FROM YOUR BODY AND THROW IT TO STARVING DOGS!" comes her deadly snarl, looking nervously around tou-sans frozen figure I catch a glimpse of kaa-san's ruffled pale lavender hair, her eyes ablaze with green flames and giving off more killing intent than I thought humanly possible, her hands balled into fists and a dangerous glare etched into her naturally pretty features. THIS IS ALL TOU-SAN'S FAULT! WHY MUST HE BE SO LOUD!?

Tou-san suddenly snaps to life raising his hands defensively "I'm sorry hunny, my beautiful lavender queen, I was just excited… I… I'll shut up now" he whimpers in a high pitch squeak of voice, his body shaking like a leaf… _tou-san must be a brave man if he created me…_ I hear her hiss at the high pitch voice of tou-san, pulling senbon out of thin air and throwing them at him… ENEMY ATTACK! I narrowly manage to evade the senbon thrown at tou-san, WHY AM I BEING ATTACKED?! I DID NOTHING WRONG!

Tou-san ends up on the floor while kaa-san stares me down… the mist isn't going to get a chance at me if kaa-san gets her hands on me first… suddenly she's up close ready to deliver a knockout blow "no mummy _I love you!"_ came my desperate attempt to avoid damage from the mad woman that is my mother, AND I THOUGHT I WASN'T A MORNING PERSON!

I clamp my eyes shut, waiting for my pending doom…. Only to receive a kiss on the forehead? ... My eyes snap open to receive a one arm hug and be dragged towards her and tou-sans bed room "mummy needs to sleep with her ketsu-teddy" came he tired reply… NOOOOOOOOOO! HIT ME; BEAT ME SENSELESS, ANYTHING BUT THE KETSU-TEDDY!

I'm thrown on the bed, head pulled into her cleavage as she passes out with a vice-like grip holding me in place… HELP! I'M SUFFOCATING! I squirm but to no avail…_why does this shit happen to me?!_

When kaa-san is done using me as a living teddy bear, I escape the house at lightning speeds as she starts throwing senbon at tou-san again for letting her sleep in… _I feel no sympathy_…

I bolt to Hidan's hoping to holy hell he's awake, PLEASE, _PLEASE_ BE AWAKE!

I knock on the door urgently; hoping to escape before kaa-san can notice her ketsu-teddy is gone. The door is ripped open and I'm frozen, eyes wide…

…

_**NUDIST!**_

My eyes burn as I stare at Hidan in all his naked glory… I'M SCARED FOR LIFE! I SEE EVERYTHING! DOES HE HAVE NO SHAME EXPOSING HIMSELF TO A CHILD!?

"PERVERT NUDIST STRIPPER!" is all that escapes my mouth; my eyes feel like tennis balls as my entire body ignites with embarrassment. Hidan seems no better, his jaw hanging agape, hair scruffy and eyes wide in panic and his ENTIRE body erupting into tomato red!

Time seems frozen, seconds stretching out for what feels like hours_**. SERIOUSLY**_, WHY DOES SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!

Suddenly time comes back and Hidan suddenly bolts into his apartment looking for something, _**anything**_, to cover up what I've just seen… I NEED BRAIN SOAP! I'm going to be haunted… my nightmares are going to be made of Hidan's nudeness! I CAN NEVER LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AGAIN!

After several minutes of standing awkwardly by the front door, Hida-ass hole sheepishly returns, face burning burgundy with clothes covering him up THANK JASHIN!

Awkward… silence… say something…_ANYTHING!_

"Hi" comes his unsure greeting, we can't even look each other in the eye… "Hey… urm… I guess I came at a bad time… I'll just~" I'm about to turn tail and run but he grabs my shoulder "its fine… Was my fault… slept, well ya kno" I feel my face burn all the more "yeah…"

I never thought something could be so painfully awkward, yes I've walked in on people naked, I've seen more of tou-san than I care to mention, but this _isn't_ the same… this is the to be S-rank rouge ninja Hidan of the Akatsuki, immortal and complete sadist… in my first life, I'd have crawled through broken glass and lemon juice to catch a _glimpse_ of one of the Akatsuki naked but Hidan isn't just a bad-ass Akatsuki member anymore, he's my best friend, the idiot who makes me laugh, throws me over his shoulder, trains with me and the person who I spend every moment I can with…

We stand awkwardly for several minutes until I can't take it any more "do you NOT OWN PERJARMAS, what kinda pervert greets people at the door naked!?" I tease angrily with a little smirk. He blinks a couple times before mirroring my smirk "Mistook ya for a hot bitch fuck face!" I won't let this get awkward; he's one of my precious people.

I wait in his apartment while he sorts himself out, grabbing his weapons and his supplies for the journey. For once in his life he's organised, having already done all the prep as we're out of there pretty fast.

We head down the street heading to the meeting point to wait for an hour when a pale purple thunder storm arrives "JUNKETSU! YOU THINK YOU CAN LEAVE FOR THE CHUNIN EXAMS WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR MOTHER!?" I'm not the only one to tense, Hidan looks like a rabbit faced by lion, his back rigid, eyes wide and his skin deathly white… _everyone fears kaa-san!_

THWACK!

He fist slams down on my head hard making my word become dazed and blurred, why am I surrounded by child abusers?

I can hear ranting and as I recover from the harsh blow I see Kaa-san shaking Hidan like a rag doll, her hands fisted the front of his shirt dangling him off the ground "YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK AFTER JUNKETSU, IF HE RETURNS WITH SO MUCH AS A SCRATCH I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR INSIDES OUT AND CHOKE YOU WITH YOUR OWN INTESTINE! Are we understood?" her scream ending in a sickly sweet purr. The look of purr unadulterated terror on his face in near comical "y, yes Mokoto-san" he squeaked to which kaa-san smiled "I'm so glad we see eyes to eye Hidan-kun… JUNKETSU~" she suddenly shouted, dropping Hidan and turning her attention to me "YOU BETTER BECOME A CHUNIN OR SO HELP ME KAMI I'M GOING TO TRIPLE YOUR MEDICAL LESSONS!" … I think my soul escaped… triple… _**TRIPLE?! … Anything but that, please for the love of all that is unholy, I HAVE TO PASS!**_

Tou-san rescues me from my terrors scooping me up and running away with a _'see you in a month hunny, love ya!' _Hidan quickly trailing behind as we go to the village gates. Other teams have already set off while some are waiting for their sensei's, Yuki is there waiting screaming 'YAOI!' The second she spots us… a month of THAT… kill me now…

With all of us together we set off on our journey towards possible death or glory, Hidan cheering about chunin exam while Yuki giggled happily. I settled for a smile… I just hope I come out of this alive…


	24. Boats and Summoning Demon Rats

**Chapter 24: Boats and Summoning Demon Rats**

Torture…That is the only way I can describe the 2 days of journey so far. Due to the positioning of the land of boiling water, we not only have to cross our home land but also the land of fire… that's right, we're taking the scenic route though enemy territory… I think tou-san is trying to kill us… I hear you asking why… BECAUSE HE WANTS A PRETTY VIEW! Yep, he's risking his genin teams' lives including his only child and heir to his clan for a pretty view… WHAT THE HELL!

So far we've gone unnoticed which I am painfully grateful for, the last thing I want is to be chased my leaf ninja, let alone meet any of the main cast, I don't think I could stop myself asking for their autograph which would get some weird looks!

However, there's a reason I'm whining, not just because we're in the middle of enemy territory, no that's not my only reason…THERES TOO MANY TREES!

The land of fire is like a forest all over! Seriously, the further in we go the more trees there are, it wouldn't be such a pain in the ass if we had more experience with dense foliage. Right now trees suck cock.

It's hard to keep track of the others like this and Yuki keeps straying behind which isn't helping Hidan's short fuse and _its all tou-san's fault! _It's not massive for me as I can sense them but navigating through the treetops like this is difficult and has me on edge… out lack of experience has us at a disadvantage. If we're attacked I'm not confident we could counter effectively. In short, _**I want out of this stinkin forest before the shit hits the fan and we all end up dead!**_

We're travelling fast, much to our resident fan girls distaste who is whining CONSTANTLY… shut her up already before Hida-asshole shuts her up permanently… my team is so dysfunctional…

"Can't we just have a little break, PLEASE sensei, pretty please?" come a whine from the back of our little group for the one thousandth time this hour. Hidan, who is to my left glaring holes into tou-sans head, whips his head round with a snarl "SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH OR I'LL SACRAFICE YOU TO JASHIN-SAMA!" Came his venomous hiss causing her to pout "no need to be so mean about it, you're too stressed, it's all the sexual tension! You and Junketsu should make out! You'll feel much better!"

I flick 3-poisoned senbon at her that she only manages to block with kunai "We're. Not. Yaoi. Boys, say it again and I'll make sure you die a slow and agonizing death" I growl lowly, my pinkie red eyes glaring into her pale honey. I can see her tense, physically flinching under my gaze… it seems I'm mastering the art of the glare… ONE DAY I MIGHT RIVAL GAARA!

I begin to turn back only for my gaze to fall into magenta. He's got a dark smirk on his face, the kind that says 'we could kill her and hide the evidence' I'm tempted… but we need her… hold on, just when did I get _this_ evil?

Facing forward, tou-san is looking back at me, those hawk-like eyes on me, something unnervingly calculating behind his usual happy spark… It disappears as fast as it appeared, replaced with a stupid smile… I don't like that look…

An unknown blood flow makes it into my range, heightening my alert, I concentrate… it's got a sizable chakra, but its size isn't big enough to be human. **WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS **_**THAT?!**_

I slow my pace ever so slightly catching tou-san's attention but we continue… it's following us, keeping its distance but it's following us none the less… I think about warning the others but knowing Hidan he'll turn around and hunt our little stalker down before I could work out what they want… think first, kill after…

I can see a break in the trees ahead, FREEDOM! The trees thin out quickly and the scent of salt hits my senses suddenly, the trees having blocked it out before. It's some sort of port town, not overly big but thriving, the number of people is massive. Tou-san stops before the town "Alright my lovelies, we have about an hour before the boat leaves so we~' I zone out right there… boat…boat?… BOAT!

Memories of my old life rush me of boats, well to be more specific, sea sickness… the waves going up and down and up and down… urgh, even the thought is turning my stomach… please not a boat… I'd rather swim to Kiri than take a boat… I think I can feel myself turning a lovely shade of green… if this is happening now, what's being on the boat going to be like… actually I don't wanna know…

My thoughts of hurling my cookies over the edge of the boat are interrupted by that charka, its come back into range… definitely stalking us…

I send the others ahead telling I'll catch them up and that I just want to enjoy the view, the second they're gone I'm heading back into the forest, heading to the coordinates of this stalker… surprisingly, it continues forward, practically trying to meet me half way. I stop momentarily as I find it hard to concentrate on the target and move all at once. I close my eyes and send out my senses feeling and narrowing down onto that one heartbeat… it's moving stupidly fast… closer, closer, closer… heading right for me…

Closer, closer closer…. Why isn't it stopping?

I snap my eyes open out of my concentration as I am cannon-balled by something small with claws and fur, falling from my standing position to flat on my back with a thud.

A pair of long ears and chestnut fur meets my gaze as pale honey eyes stare down at me, whiskers twitching…. A rabbit…. A FUCKIN RABBIT!?

I narrow my eyes in a hateful glare… I FUCKIN' HATE RABBITS! "WHAT THE FUCK YOU LITTLE BOB-TAILED RAT!" I hiss angrily at the bloody demonic rodent. Its eyes narrow back at me… it's glaring at me? "Who are you calling rat pretty boy!" came an annoyed female voice… did… did the thing just talk back…. AHHHHHHHHH!

My muscles tense as I stare dumbfounded at the rabbit sitting on my chest glaring down at me. I guess I look pretty stupid since the she-rabbit began to laugh "Hahaha, you look really stupid kid!" she chuckles, lightly thumping its long back foot against me, it's fluffy front paws rubbing against its face.

I glare at it "what'd you expect; there ain't a lot of talkin' fuckin' rats in the world!" I snapped, I DON'T LIKE BEING LAUGHED AT BY A RAT!

The rabbit, once getting over its laughing fit notices my glare "you look like you're sucking on a lemon kid, what is with the sour look" she hums, obviously enjoying insulting me. I'M CURSED WITH RABBITS!

I can feel the vein on my forehead pulsate angrily "would you mind explainin to me… WHY YOUR SITTING ON MY CHEST AFTER LAUNCHING YOURSELF AT ME!?" I shout angrily.

The rabbits ears prick up, the left slightly flopping before a creepy smirk appeared… RABBITS SHOULDN'T SMIRK! "Alright pretty boy, I've decided I like you, you're a stupid gaki who can't tell the difference between a rabbit and a rat but I your chakra is formidable so you're going to be my new summoner"…. Eh? … WHO'S SHE CALLING GAKI!

"Like. Hell. NOW GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" I snarl shoving the she-rabbit off my chest and standing "I hate rabbits and I hate you, got fuck yourself!" I glare hatefully before turning to leave… big mistake

"STUPID GAKI, I WASN'T ASKING, I WAS TELLING YOU!" comes the she-rabbits growled, WHAT KINDA RABBIT _GROWLES?! _It's fast as a long fury foot comes flying, hitting me in the side of the head and knocking me off balance, _**fuck she kicks hard!**_

On instinct I counter with a punch however she dodges swiftly, biting down on my arm! LITTLE BITCH!

She flips away and lands with a light hop "you're not fast enough to hit me gaki, just give up and accept it; you're going to be my summoner!" I glare at her while redirecting the blood in my arm away from the wound to stop bleeding. I pout cutely, hoping this works "why are you so mean Usagi-chan that really hurt" I whimper, making my eyes glassy and forcing blood into my cheeks to make me blush.

Her eyes widen and her chestnut fur pales as I watch her soul escape anime style… is there anyone who is immune?

I bolt before she has time to recover, if I find Hidan he can sacrifice her and no more rat summoning crap!

I make it fast into the town, flaring my chakra to find them tow which I do! Thank you Jashin… No!

I speed to them, near knocking Hidan over "Rabbit, psycho, evil, summon, LITTLE BITCH!" I shout urgently, earning looks of confusion.

"YOU PLAY DIRTY GAKI!" is all the warning before I'm jumped by the devil rat sending my forward toppling both myself and Hidan over so that I'm on top, Yuki squealing about yaoi… THE RABBIT IS CURSED!

Hidan snarls beneath me, hand shooting out and grabbing the rat by the scruff and yanking it off my back "WHAT THE FUCK WHORE" he snarls in the rabbits face and… she spits in his eye… I'm gunna kill her… NO ONE SPITS ON MY FRIEND!

Everyone freezes as I give out more killing intent than I thought I could muster "I hate rabbits… no one disrespects my precious people AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE!" I snarl, Tou-san yelping that is the second coming of the Lavender Fury before taking cover behind Yuki.

****** 10 minutes later ******

The devil rat is sitting in Yuki's arms with a sizable lump on her head, Hidan having a firm grip around my waist to stop me attacking the stupid fur ball any more while snarling how he's going to finish her off himself.

"Alright my darlings calm down" Tou-san smiles sweetly "My baby Junketsu, apologise to the Usagi summons for attacking her" he commands, his voice is sweet but his eyes are absolute… "Sorry rat-face" I mumble earning a growl from the demon. Tou-san's attention turns to the little devil "Usagi-san, apologise for upsetting my baby by spitting in Hidan's eye" the rabbit pouts before sighing "Sorry for spitting in your boyfriends eye, I should have spat in yours" I snarl as does Hidan _**"HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" **_We both erupt together in anger. Tou-san restrains both of us by our clothes… I'm. Going. To. Kill. Her…

We sit at the dock, demon rabbit in toe, having only a few minutes to wait now for the boat, the she-rabbit demanding I sign her summoning scroll. "You're such a Gaki! It's an honour to receive the rabbit summoning, our clan is noble and waaay cooler than any other, and we practically shine with awesomeness! I can't believe~" I cut her off with a growl "I'm gunna kill you and make bunny BBQ for Hida-ass hole if you don't shut your rat trap! RAT-FACE!" I hiss

The she-rabbit growls with a glare "MY NAME IS KURI USAGI, YOUNGEST DAUGHTER OF THE RABBIT BOSS!" she snaps and I glare "WELL I'M NOT CALLED GAKI, its JUNKETSU MAKKA!"

We both look away with a pout… I hate rabbits….

The world spins as I'm thrown over Hidan's shoulder my team, plus the Kuri rat heading towards the boat… _SAVE ME!_


	25. Turning Green

**Chapter 25: Turning Green **

Urgh… I hate boats, why did it have to be boats… urgh… When we first got on the boat I thought I'd be fine, as I didn't instantly feel sick… oh how wrong can I get…. I'm clinging to the railings for dear life staring out over the edge into the dull bluish-green water, my head spinning and my stomach threatening to relieve itself of its contents… Again… HOW IS THERE**_ ANYTHING_** LEFT TO BRING UP?!

I feel my entire body shake; I've been here since about 20 minutes after we set of… that was about 4 or 5 HOURS ago… I'm begging you, make it stop… The boat will arrive tomorrow morning so I might be suck here until then… I'm gunna die...

The sun is setting… what a lovely back drop while my insides escape through my mouth, and the smell of sea salt and puke is near unbearable… this sucks~ once again retching over the edge, my body finding more to eject into the sea, **_WHERE IS IT ALL COMING FROM_!**

I feel my body shiver, all my muscles quivering… puking is exhausting…

"Still heaving gaki? Would have thought you'd have manned up by now" Came the sarcastic voice of Kuri the demon rat… I can't even puke in peace… "Fuck off rat face" is my weak reply as I tighten my grip on the railing for support. "Only if you sign my summoning and proclaim I'm the best" She says cheekily, I'm not going to get rid of her… fuck my life… "Anyways gaki, your boyfriend is getting worried about you" I glare at her "Not my boyfriend! JUST friends!" I hiss angrily, feeling a wave of nausea hit me "and I'm a cat summoning that shits rainbows, you two want each other" she stated in a matter-o-factly kinda voice, I turn to glare at her "You sound just like Yuki, why can't anyone see we're just friends?" I grumble, as the world spins a little less than it did a few minutes ago "Stupid pretty gaki boy, keep telling yourself that, it won't change the facts" she taunts with a smirk, ears perked up with the left flopping slightly, amber eyes a mix of amusement and pure evil. Stupid rabbit. "Once you've finished hacking your guts up, there's food… your sensei sent me to tell you… and if I was you I'd get below deck soon, the weather is going to turn cold" She sighed before hopping away the way she came.

I lean against the railing, allowing the breeze to ensnare my senses, feeling my heart slow and my breathing become rhythmical… if it wasn't for all the puking I could get used to this…

I stare out to sea, the light refracting of the surface, causing it to shimmer like liquid diamonds. The soft whisper in the wind from the crashing wave's inducing relaxation… The rats words sit in my head…why does everyone think me and Hidan are more than friends, we're close and we spend a lot of time together, we're practically inseparable and we know each other like the back of our hands, what makes each other tick, but that's because we've been friends for so long… it's completely normal for friends to know everything about each other… what do they see that I don't?

I'm lost in thought when I feel a familiar presence beside me, leaning on the railings and staring out at the whispering waves with me. I turn my head slightly to look at him, only noticing now how much he's changed. His jaw is strong and defined, powerful muscles in his neck leading down to broad shoulders, arms well developed from weapons and his stature matured, lean and muscular, built for power and able to move at a fair speed… he's no longer the child I met in the academy, he's becoming the Hidan I once watched, one of the most feared men in the shinobi world…

Magenta eyes turn to look at me, his eyes bright in the light of the dying sun and his slightly messy silver hair almost pink as is skin glows… When did the Hidan I know change so much? I stare at him for a few moments more before I smile thinly "You alright Hida?" I ask softly, still looking him in the eye. He's inspecting me carefully, giving me the once over as his magenta eyes soften "I should fuckin be asking you that" He smiles at me and I chuckle lightly "I've felt better but nothing overly terrible, shouldn't you be down stares where the food is, bet there's BBQ" We continue to stare at one another and he smiles just that bit more before sighing and leaning on the railing so that he can rest his head on his right palm with the left arm lying flat against the metal bar "I'll go down soon, just wanted to make sure you hadn't fuckin puked yourself to death or fallen overboard, if you drowned I'd be suck with the whore and your psycho tou-san" I giggle at the thought "Plus kaa-san would kill you for breaking your promise… _and_ I'd haunt your sorry ass" He pouts slightly before it dissolves into a contented smile. I breathe in deeply before sighing and pulling away from the rail with a smile "Com'on, if we hang around up here all day you'll bitch when you miss dinner" His eyes linger on me before he smiles and follows, throwing his right arm around my small shoulders "hell yeah!" I smile and we leave the dying rays of light behind, the liquid diamond sea whispering sweetly…

The temperature quickly drops as night rolls in, tou-san having sent us to bed telling us he'll watch tonight. Hidan and I are sharing a room while Yuki has one to herself much to her fury of being separated from her yaoi boys. The demon rabbit is Jashin knows where and I'm not about to give a shit right now, I'm exhausted and cold.

Pulling my sealing scroll from my pouch I open it and press the symbol with for my clothes, pouring chakra into it causing my clothes to appear. I quickly grab my usual sleeping shorts and large t-shirt before sealing my clothes again.

Hidan has done the same though he seems to only wear trousers in bed… when he wears anything at all… The room is small and there is nowhere to change in privacy so we do so with our backs facing one another. I can hear him whining about shirts as I change but he soon falls silent. Once I'm changed I turn to see Hidan gawking at me… WHAT THE **HELL**! I feel my cheeks burn up as if on fire "HIDA!?" I squeak as I receive a slightly perverted and evil smile from my zealot friend "You've seen all of me, I'm just evening the playing field… you really look like a bitch from the back" his smirk spread as I feel my cheeks darken… he, he… **PERVERT!**

I jump the pervert pushing him backwards to sit on his stomach with my legs straddling his hips before flicking him in the forehead "you're such a pervert, if you're not careful Yuki will really believe you fancy me and she'll stalk us even more" His cheeks are lightly flushed but he wears that smirk still "Like I give a crap what the whore thinks~" Suddenly we're spinning, Hidan reversing our positions so I'm beneath him, my legs still either side of him which makes me squirm "there are only 2 things I fuckin give a crap about in this shitty ass world, Jashin-sama and my best friend fuck-face, for all I care the entire shinobi world can rot in hell" he said all too darkly, staring me dead in the eye… It was never stated how old Hidan was when he rouged off… but I have a feeling it's not going to be long… he means what he said… his eyes tell me he isn't lying. I stare into his eyes and he stares back, those magenta orbs hold a secret, one that I want to know. This secret toys in his eyes as a dangerous glint hidden behind ambition and ferocious loyalty.

He smirks down at me "your cute when you're on your back and helpless" I glare at him "AM NOT YOU CREEY PERVERT" I hiss to which he chuckles, relinquishing his old and allowing me to sit up. It's cold when we separate, the temperature plummeting…** I HATE THE COLD!**

We get under the covers of our futons, the room in complete darkness. It's just getting colder and colder, this if fuckin ridiculous! I twist in the bedding to face Hidan who is buried in the blankets, just his silver hair poking out the top… apparently neither of us like the cold.

"Hida" I whisper to him in the darkness. I see the lump in the futon move before his head emerges to look at me. I squirm around to look at him properly "I'm so cold I think body parts are gunna start droppin off" I squeak. He stares at me for a moment before his eyes glint in the darkness, before he sits up and crawls across the floor with his covers. Slipping in my futon with me, the throws his blankets over us and pulls me into his chest. I think my entire body is glowing red with embarrassment but I snuggle closer into the warmth of his body, THE GUY IS A FREAKING HOT WATER BOTTLE!

I hear him hum as our bodies entwine, his arms tightening around me and his nose burying itself into my hair. That familiar scent of metal and blood that only Hidan possess making me relax. I like it when he hugs me, I'll never tell him that I like it but I think he knows.

I feel something lightly brush against my ear "Night Ketsu" came his close deep whisper sending electricity down my spine and my cheeks burn… in my old life, I'd have squealed like Yuki watching yaoi, But I'm a boy now so just curl up into his warmth "Night Hida" I mumble against his shirtless chest. His blood swirls around his veins quickly, feeling his heart beat beginning to slow as we both become more relaxed in our sleeping arrangement, I guess we're both a little embarrassed… but it's not bad.

The rhythmical beating in his chest lulls me into relaxation as I feel the gentle grip of sleep take over…

…

…

…

"GAKI, GAKI'S BOYFRIEND GET UP!"

My eyes snap open in confusion only to be blinded by bright light streaming in from the window… I'M GOING TO DECAPITATE THIS RABBIT LIKE I DID MY STUFFED ONE!

I feel a tightening around my waist as I'm pulled backwards into Hidan's body, his nose burying itself into my shoulder. My cheeks burn up helplessly, you'd think being a blood user I could stop blushes as I can make them… nope… I'm doomed…

"Hida-ass hole, we gotta get up and kill rat face" … no movement except me being nuzzled more… "Hida-ass hole, Yuki's naked and has come out as a Yuri fan girl"… no response but a contented sigh… I'm gunna have to pull out the big guns… please don't let Yuki be nearby… "Hida-ass hole, I've been meaning to tell you I'm secretly gay and desperately in love with Usagi-sensei"… suddenly I'm spinning, my back slamming against the futon with my arms pinned either side of me, wild magenta eyes staring down at me burning with fury… maybe I went a little too far…

Every muscle in his chest ripples, his jaw is tense and his face looks dangerously angry… yep too far… "WHAT DO YOU MEAN _IN LOVE_ WITH USAGI SHITHEAD?! NO MAN IS _ALLOWED_ TO TOUCH YOU!, YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO BE ANYONE FUCKIN ELSES!" he shouts with a snarl, eyes taking on a wounded spark like I just stabbed him with a kunai … Didn't expect that reaction… anyone else's?, when did I belong to someone in the first place? … He must hate Usagi-sensei even more than_** me** _to react _THIS_ badly

"Now that I have your attention, it's time to get up" He looks confused momentarily before glaring at me, his cheeks lightly pink "I'm going to kill you, YOU SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUTTA ME!" Suddenly there's a sadistic gleam in his eyes… crap…I try and escape bit his vice like grip holds as it yanks both my arms above my head so he can hold me still with one… the gleam growing…

*** 3rd POV***

Yuki and Kuri wandered through the boats halls, hoping to get the boys out of bed. They had already been called but had yet to emerge. "Stupid Gaki and gaki boyfriend, pair of lazy asses" Kuri growled in annoyance as she hopped along, Yuki giggling beside her "their yaoi boys, they're most likely dressing while denying their undying love for each other… wish they'd just go at it like rabbits already… no offence Kuri-chan" The rabbit glared at her but let the comment slide.

"Hida wait, please stop I can't take any more!" came a shrill cry causing both rabbit and girl to freeze momentarily "Just take your punishment like a good boy Ketsu" came a quieter yet almost devilishly deep voice…

Yuki's eyes suddenly filled with stars "MY YAOI BOYS!" She squealed before taking off down the hall, Kuri following after her.

The door opened to reveal a disappointing sight….

Hidan was tickling the purplnette boy beneath him who squirmed and desperately tried to suppress giggles "Hida, no more, haha, please!" Yuki's head dropped "DAMMIT! WHY AREN'T YOU TWO FUCKING! I WANTED A SEXY PICTURE FOR MY HIDAJUNKET COLLECTION!" she whined while the she-rabbit just laughed at the sight. Both boys froze before looking embarrassed and escaping "FUCK OFF!" they snarled before slamming their door.

***Back to Junketsu POV***

After being near tickled to death, we changed fast, leaving the room and went out to find out what was so dam important we needed waking up, Since waking up I'm starving but the thought of food sends my insides doing summersaults… no more puke I beg thee!

Making it on desk I see why we're being summoned… in the not so distance, there is an island in view, heavily masked in thick mist… the land of water…I've never been so relieved and mortified in my entire second life… on one hand, SWEET LAND! On the other, ONE STEP CLOSER TO DEATH!

Soon we are in port and are once more safely on dry land, OH HOW I'VE MISSED YOUR UNMOVING WAYS! We spend a few minutes having something to eat whilst tou-san checks the maps… if he picks another scenic root I'll gut him…

"ALRIGHT MY DARLINGS! FOLLOW MEEEE!" Comes tou-sans happy squeal as he shakes his booty again… please don't do that when we get to Kiri… they'll disqualify us thinking we're a joke…

We move fast through the tree tops, tou-san first, me and Hidan pulling up on the sides, the rat rabbit between us and Yuki coming from behind. "Gaki, you know if you signed my scroll you could summon my older brothers to carry the team and save energy" the she-devil chimes as we glide from tree to tree "I'm not signing rat-face" I hiss angrily. She glares at me "Gaki" "big-ears" "Pretty boy" "little bitch" "daddy's boy" "Bob-tailed rat" We glare at each other before looking away, stupid rabbit…

The rest of the journey is relatively quiet except a little bickering between me and the rat or Hidan and Yuki… the further in land we get the more mist there seems to be, I feel my insides tangle , we must be getting close… Please for the love of all things unholy, let me stay alive… I just don't wanna die…

Tou-san stops dead on a tree staring forward… I feel my heart beat faster… before us, clouded in the thickest mist I've ever experienced is a large gate, tall rounded buildings seem to blur into the mountainous scenery and the concentration of chakra is daunting… We have arrived…

* * *

_**AN:/:**_

_**wow... I never thought I'd get 100 follows...Arigatō the support! ^.^**_


	26. The Bloody Mist Village

**Chapter 26: The Bloody Mist Village**

We approach the gate and I feel eyes on us sending chills running up my spine as waves of killing intent bombards my senses… I bite my tongue a take a deep breath before setting my features into a neutral mask to hide my rising panic, I will not show fear to them, I will not…

The guards look us over as tou-san approaches them first, for once acting like a shinobi and not an idiot. "Greetings, we're a team from Yugakure here to participate in the chunin exams" he states firmly. The guard looks at the passes before looking our team over, his hardened eyes scrutinising us before growling "You may enter, The other guard will escort you to the Mizukage tower for further instructions~" out of nowhere I feel a powerful presence land gracefully behind us with a chuckle, The other two jump but I remain still, turning slightly I am greeted with a sight I did not expect…

Pastel blue skin and dark blue hair greets my eyes as black eyes glint dangerously and a razor sharp toothy grin makes my heart stop momentarily… KISAME! Must. Not. Fan boy… Must. RESIST! …Samehada's handle is just about noticeable over his shoulder… RESIST… _**RESIST!**_

"I'll take them" comes his deep snarling voice with a slight chuckle as the guard flinches slightly… Crap he's scary. Tou-san nods warily and I think Yuki is about to pass out with terror. Hidan looks a little rattled by the sheer amount of killing intent that Kisame gives off like crashing waves but I can't bring myself to stop staring in awe… Black eyes stare down at our team, seemingly amused with Yuki and Hidan's reactions but he gives me a longer look, almost interested… I stare back, unflinching even as his killing intent rises making even tou-san a little jumpy. His blood is calm as it swirls in his veins, his heart a slow beat compared to the frantic slamming of Yuki and Hidan's frightened beats… "Would you quit freakin my team mates out, Hoshigaki-San, I don't appreciate it" Come my neural voice, I know it's a bad Idea but I can't seem to stop it coming out… WORD VOMIT!

The massive shark stares down at me slightly bemused before smirking "Looks like this year could be fun" The killing intent subsides and begins to walk off. After a second of watching I follow, yanking Hidan and Yuki along, the demon rabbit that's been blissfully quiet catching up and Tou-san follows too.

I keep pace with the shark and I can feel eyes on my team and flares of killing intent. I was freaking out before but now I feel calm and unfazed. I simply walk and stare forward, the blood in my veins whispering encouragement… though there is that niggling worry of what will happen… I don't know who is Mizikage… meaning Kisame is still here… I fear the worst… I just hope I'm wrong.

We stand before the largest cylindrical building, the Symbol for water proudly displayed over the door way… I feel the calm I was feeling waver as the building looms over me… fuck, fuck, FUCK! We walk in, no one stopping us due to our guide however we get many dirty looks… it's as if they can **smell **kekeigenkai!… _They can't can they?!_ …

Through a maze of corridors and stares that twist in a confusing way… we are before a door. The pastel skinned swordsman knocks before opening the door "A team from Yugakure has arrived for the chunin exams, sir"

NOOOOOOOOOOO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! I can feel my blood run cold at sir… he's still in power, I'm dead… so dead, I can practically see my head on a pike outside the village… _WHY!?_

I stand before a young looking male, his hair messy a grey with purple pupil-less eyes the left having a scar running all the way down his cheek…Yagura… fourth Mizukage, 3 tailed Jinchuriki and under the control of 'Madara'… For the holy mother of Satan, WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS SHITTY SECOND LIFE?! Without Mei, this village still hates kekeigenkai…If they find out about Yuki and I will be murdered… this sucks cock…

Those pupil-less purple eyes look up from what they are doing to look at us, his face unwavering and neutral. I do everything in my power not to flinch but it's near impossible as I feel my fingers twitch against my will. I can feel the slow heart beats of the ANBU level shinobi in hiding around the room, the frantic ones of my team… apparently they're even more unnerved than I am, none of us have stood before a Kage-level shinobi before, it's daunting…even Hida-ass hole our resident loud mouth knows better than to start mouthing off…

"The exam starts in 3 days… you'll be staying nearby, Kisame escort them…" … alright… that was… short… HELL, WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN? ... The less time with him the less likely I'm gunna die!

I feel eyes, not on me so much, more eyeing my neck… I look down to stare at my clan necklace, all members wear one… oooh… I look up nervously to stare into pupil-less purple which are staring at me and tou-san in a calculating way… please don't put two and two together… "You two are of the same clan" he states… it's not a question… I feel my mouth dry… WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT NOT PUTTING TWO AND TWO TOGETHER?! _**BAD MIZUKAGE!**_ …. Like I have the balls to say that… "Yes, due to his large chakra I was given special permission to train him so he would not be a danger" tou-san interjected smoothly… SOME TIMES I THINK TOU-SAN IS THE BEST!

"Young" Kisame states and tou-san is there again "7 years" he proclaims all too proudly and I flinch, turning my gaze on tou-san and glaring in a 'stop telling people things about me!' kinda way… tou-san flinches a little and Kisame chuckles all too darkly "and feisty…" there is an awkward silence before we are dismissed… I nearly shat myself with panic… I'm going to murder tou-san for telling people so much about me… slow and painful…

We walk through the streets of Kiri, the burn of so many eyes near unbearable... We make it to an apartment building and are given a key, Hidan and me sharing a room, Yuki and tou-san have their own. The demon rabbit stating that she's sleeping where she pleases. With that Hidan and I are out of there to map the lay of the land… it might come in useful.

The mist is difficult and the air is colder than we're used to, the land of boiling water being very warm due to sharing borders with the land of fire. We travel through the shadows and trees, memorising important landmarks and places to train.

"I don't like this fuckin village, they look at us like shit" Hidan snarls while we leap from tree to tree. "we're outsider, it's to be expected" I sigh but Hidan growls "And the way they keep askin' questions about you, it's none of their fuckin business, yeah your young but what the fuck does that matter?!" I look at him for a moment before smiling "it's unusual is all… young genin under the age of 10 are usually looked at weirdly… kids who graduate early are normally geniuses or prodigies" I leave out that most villages would want to nip another's villages prodigies in the bud before they can mature, I think he'd start swearing hard then wrap me in bubble wrap… besides, I don't consider myself a genius or prodigy, I have an unfair advantage so was able to progress faster. I already knew a lot of the stuff from being a Naruto stalker in my past life; if I had been dropped in this world with no knowledge of it I'd most likely still be in the academy playing ninja with the other kids my age… that is a HORRIBLE thought…

We stop in a remote part of the misty forest within the villages confines. Hidan's been twitchy since arriving "Hey Hida?" I ask softly, Magenta eyes look at me "Do ya wanna train a little; since we started travelling here we haven't had any time for it, so?" He smirks, gracefully spinning his scythe with his fingers before holding it firmly in his closed hand. We stand at the ready, the mist unwavering.

Hidan charges me, scythe launched. I back flip away allowing it to pass over my head as it embeds its blades into a tree trunk, I get up close and personal forcing him to abandon his scythe for taijutsu.

The traumatic training with kaa-san has taught me how to enhance my muscles with chakra better, resulting in more powerful punches… the woman is _very_ hands on so I had no choice but to improve fast if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in hospital. That coupled with manipulating my blood in my body to become denser to cause more damage has made my taijutsu formidable. Even kaa-san was impressed with it.

Hidan seems a little taken back by the change in my style as I block his blows with relative ease while landing some nasty blows to his ribs and jaw causing him to stumble backwards. "You've improved fuck face" he commented with a smirk. I smile back at him "The Lavender Fury is a slave driver, never fuck with kaa-san" He visibly shudders "no shit" I giggle as I throw a flurry of Kunai which Hidan evades, leaving an opening.

"Game over" I purr into his ear as I raise a kunai to his throat, having flickered behind him. "Never let your enemy get behind you, Kay ass-hole?" I smile sweetly and giggle as he chuckles "lucky you're not my bloody enemy then" I lower my weapon before replacing it in my kunai pouch

"You fuckin improve fast, it's unnatural how fast… maybe I should get some of that crazy ass training from your kaa-san" I sigh "It's hell, she poisons you if you get things wrong… I nearly die every session, that coupled with her unorthodox ways of teaching the human anatomy~" I feel a shiver dart up at my spine "~makes her lessons a little traumatic, I don't wanna know where she learnt her methods, most likely from sadistic medic with a dark sense of humour" Hidan smirks "Come on, let's go see where is good to eat, we haven't fuckin eaten actual food since the boat, where you spent most of your time bring up your bloody internal organs" he laughs manically at that to which I pout "You're such a sadist" I whine before being thrown over Hidan's shoulder "fuck yeah, wouldn't have me any other shitting way though" I smile "I dunno, a few more brain cells wouldn't go amiss… and manners…" I giggle as he growls, He knows I'm just teasing, we both know he's an idiot, but he's my idiot…


	27. Friendlier Terms and Icy Acquaintances

**Chapter 27: Friendlier Terms and Icy Acquaintances **

The nights in Kiri are fucking freezing, the night we spent on the boat is the Bahamas in comparison! As a result Hidan and I shared again; he's like my own half naked personal heater.

It's still early, freakishly early, as in WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING AWAKE? Kinda early. Wrapped around me, Hidan is sleeping soundly, nose buried in my shoulder and Silver hair untamed, his chest rises and falls rhythmically as his heart beats at a relaxed pace. I lay there in silence; I've been like this for a while now… I had hoped I'd fall back to sleep but the longer I stare up at the ceiling the more I know it's futile… I'm restless… this village is unsettling, maybe because I know 'Madara' is pulling the strings… either way I feel like I could fight a war… scratch that, I'm not willing that to come faster… I don't want to change anything… not on purpose, I'm not meant to be here, I'm a mistake…

The world outside is silent, however I can feel chakra moving around the village, more than in the night, indicating the village is beginning to awaken… I feel another wave of restlessness rush me and I sigh… if I'm not gunna sleep I'm gunna train, STUPID MIST FUCKIN WITH MY SLEEP!

I'm careful as I untangle myself from the sleeping zealot, gently his grip around me loose before pulling the sheets up around him so he doesn't get cold… I silently change, folding my sleeping clothes and putting on my usual clothes and slipping on my shoes and heading towards the door…

"And where do you think you're going Gaki" Kuri hissed, the second the door was open she was in front of me with a glare, her left ear more drooped more than usual, most likely only just woken up. I glare at the demon "None of your business rat" I quietly snarl.

POW!

Her foot collides with my stomach hard making me double over… I'M GOING TO RIP THAT FOOT OF HER BODY! "Who you calling rat!? stupid gaki! You are my business!" she hissed angrily as she landed with a hop, rearing herself onto her back legs, front paws swiping at me… our eyes meet in a glare, bolts of electricity sparking from us and we growl at one another… I HATE HER!

I look away with a pout "training" I grunt before stepping over her and closing the door. I'd hoped I was done with the demonic rodent but the sound of 4 paws thumping behind me on the wooden floor told me otherwise… joy…

I head into the forest, away from the main part of the village so I can train in privacy. The mist is dense and shrouds the forest in mysteries, much like the fairy tales I used to read when I was a little girl in another life, the trees more sparse than the land of fire and even the land of boiling water while the sound of bird call is faint and sad, echoing ominously in the dull rays of first light… in a way it's kinda beautiful in a monotone sort of way…

Finding a small clearing I descend from the treetops and land carefully on the balls of my feet, soon followed by the soft thud of the she-rabbit landing close by. I begin to warm up, stretching my muscles and rolling my shoulders before beginning a routine a gymnast would be proud off, starting off simple but working my way into more intricate dance of twists and flips, hearing the blood rush through my body to feed my muscles with oxygen. Soon I begin to incorporate taijutsu, aiming balanced kicks and chakra laced punches, every muscle carefully controlled and manipulated to allow for maximum damage. I never hit Hidan full force, he'd be out cold. My fist connects with a nearby tree, causing the trunk to splinter harshly and tremble under the force.

I glare at the splintered wood, pulling my hand back to examine the damage… not good enough… if I'm going to pass, I have a lot of work to do… I'm assuming that the exam here is going to be set up similarly to the one in Naruto Unleashed, a written exam, a practical exam and then a show of skill which mean I have over a month to train till I'm confident…I know I'm smart enough and have good servival skills… however I have no idea who I'll be facing and I'm not taking any chances, I will pass if only to escape kaa-sans trip training hell…

I build up my chakra, once again striking the tree, feeling the wood splinter and crack… I'll get better even if I have to fell every tree in the land of water… I need something that isn't my kekeigenkai, I don't want to have to use that here…

"Oi gaki, if you want to make your punches stronger, concentrate it better in you knuckles and fingers" I glare at her momentarily however she's glaring at me in a silent dare to argue… I can't believe I'm taking advice from a bob-tailed rat…

My chakra floods my fingers and knuckles and upon impact The tree does not splinter… it near explodes, creaking before toppling down… wow… "I snap my eyes on the she-rabbit who is laughing "Your face gaki, you look stupid!" she cackles while rolling around on her back in the grass" I glare at her "SHUT IT BIG EARS!" I hiss before sighing "thank you" I mumble and her laughing ceases, honey amber eyes staring at me dumbfounded "what was that gaki, my big ears didn't ear you" she taunts with a smirk. I growl low "Thank. You" I ground out between clenched teeth which only seemed to add to her amusement "pleasure gaki, I need my stubborn future summoner to be strong" she purred… I swear she's a mutant of other animals… SHE MAKES THE WRONG NOISES!

"I'm not going to be your summoner, I. Hate. Rabbits" I glared to which she growled "well it sucks to be you then because you're GOING to sign my scroll sooner or later… you're going to NEED a summons and you're not escaping me" she vowed, a serious look of determination flooding her honey eyes.

"Why are you so focused on me? we don't really get on, I hate rabbits and all you do is piss me off… we're obviously not copatable so why bother stalking me?" I question… it's been bugging me that I don't know why the demon is so determined, now is as good a time as any

large honey eyes soften and she lowers her head from her confinent stance to something akin to shyness… eh?… the demon has a soft side? "If you ask any rabbit summon they'll tell you I was chosen to be the rabbit scroll carer because I'm the boss rabbits youngest… but I was choosen because tou-san thinks I'm weak… I'm the only girl of my clan… my brothers being warriors… he decided a girl wasn't allowed to be a warrior so made me be the scroll carer…I wanna prove I'm strong like my brothers so I'd find a summoner who had a unique chakra to sign… I'd then train them up and when tou-san sees how well I've done… maybe consider me useful…" both her ears have fallen limp while honey amber eyes are down cast, her body curled around herself in an almost protective way… I guess everyone has their reasons…even demon rabbits

"so you choose a rabbit hating kid… great choice" I sigh but don't put the usual vemon in my words… my previous self feeling sympathetic, I know what it's like to be considered useless…

"To be fair gaki… I thought you were older… your chakra speaks of an adult somewhere in their mid twenties… it indicates at least high chunin verging on Jonin… I didn't expect a little genin gaki…but you being a kid made it all the sweeter, you can learn faster and you're more flexible to learn rabbit style taijutsu…" kuri rat face is still, looking almost defeated, ears completely flat with her small head resting on her paws… I won't fall for her sob story…

"That's a stupid reason, just to impress your tou-san… you shouldn't give a toss what he thinks of you, so what if you're a girl, kunoichi have been shown to be even more formidable than men at times, look at Kushina Uzumaki the red hot Habanaro and the Lavender Fury, both are women but excel at what they do and feared for their skill, besides any idiot can tell you hit hard… especially when it's me… THAT'S NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON FOR ME TO SIGN!" She stares at me dumbfounded for a moment before an evil smirk crosses her rodent features. "I WAS HOLDING BACK WHEN I KICKED YOU GAKI!" She hissed before launching herself at me. I juck just in time, het paw making contact with a nearby rock, stattering it…note to self, NEVER let her kick you again… EVER!

I feel a shift in mood from depressing to something more pleasant, not quite happy but far brighter than what it once was. "Alright rat, are you just gunna sit and watch me train or are you going to get of your fury ass and do something" I taunt earning a half-hearted glare "I'm going to beat the living crap out of you" she hissed, moving her body into a ready position…

Our spars hit fast and hard, the small clearing looking more like a bomb site as we dodge harsh blows and spit venomous words of insult, name calling being all too prominent in our clash. Her style prefers being low to the ground, being small she easily glides around my guard; however I get in several good hits, using my new found strength to my advantage.

By the time we're done we're both panting heavily though I more than her, keeping up with such speed is hard, even with my own… however, beating the rabbit black and blue has shown me something… I need to improve as fast as possible… I need to be ready for when Hidan leaves, I can tell he's not going to stay grounded for long by the look he gets when he curses the village… I have to be ready for whatever I decide to do when that day comes… Maybe I'll leave too, maybe I'll wait till this village fails and find another to call home… maybe travel to leaf and take Naruto under my wing… but I don't want to change the story any more… I've already changed Hidan, he's no longer a complete baka and he knows more than just basic ninjutsu… When the Akatsuki find him they'll be getting an improved version of him… one that might face Shika pineapple head and not get buried alive… The mental image of Hidan being ripped to bits and being buried alive sends chills up my spine… at the end of the day the zealot is my friend and the idea of that happening to him turns my insides…

My train of though is interrupted by an unknown chakra, it's of fair size and moves almost as fast as Kuri… I spring to my feet not liking the idea of being caught off guard by an unknown…

I see a blurred shape of brown, white and deep green which dances like fluid through the branches, I catch a glimps of a mask which hits me like a ton of bricks, I know those red swirls… HAKU! ... I FORGOT HOW MANY COOL SHINOBI WERE FROM KIRI!

Apparently my staring hasn't gone unnoticed as the effeminate boy pauses, landing gracefully on a branch, silently staring…

The closer I look at him the more I realise… THE ANIME DOESN'T DO HIS GIRLYNESS JUSTICE! His shape is not that of a boy, his body showing gentle curves, hips lightly rounded ang his posture just screaming I AM A GIRL!

"it's rude to share Yugakure shinobi" comes that fermilliar voice though it's slightly higher than the anime… he's just about my age… maybe slightly older but not as old as Hida or Yuki. I smile at him "Sorry about that Mr. ANBU, I just thought your mask was cool" I lie smoothly… feeling a little giddy about taking to_ the_ Haku. I can feel him searching my voice and body language for a lie but I'm a pretty good liar, not that I lie often…

"Aren't you very young to be here for the exams, you're so small" I pout lightly at that, making Kuri demon laugh… _**IT'S NOT MY FAULT I'M SHORT!**_ "So everyone keeps telling me…but it's no different to you, you seem just as young as me" I hear a soft laugh from behind the milky porcelain mask "You have a point… though you seem younger than myself" It's at this moment when Kuri jumps in "Gaki, stop talking to cross dressers and train with me! FOR ALL YOU KNOW HE'S SOME KINDA PERVERT!" I turn my glare on her "SHUT IT YOU BOB-TAILED RAT! IT WOULDN'T MATTER IF HE'S A PERVERT ANYWAYS MEANING MY TEAM IS FULL OF THEM!" I growl, Kuri's honey amber eyes and my pinkie red as we glare at one another, sparks of lightning electrifiying the air…

Behind us I hear a soft giggle "you and your summon are quite strange… I've never met a pair quite so unique" Both Kuri and I look away from one another with a pout "unique is just a nice way of saying weird… the girls are the weird ones~" I'm interrupted by the demon rat ~what? And you and your boyfriend aren't? And your sensei!? HE'S THE CREEPIEST OF ALL OF YOU!" I hiss pulling out senbon "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" my senbon rush at the little demon who bolts out the way with a taunting smirk "And I'm the Hokage! STUPID GAKI IS BLIND!"

Before I can launch myself into a war with the demon I spin around to face Haku "I gotta kill a rabbit, maybe I'll see you again~" I spin back yanking out more senbon "GET RUNNING YOU LITTLE WHORE FROM HELL! YOU'RE DEAD WHEN I CATCH YOU!"

I bolt off after a flash on chestnut lightning, leaving a lightly chuckling Haku in the trees, STUPID RABBIT RUINING MY CONVERSATION!


	28. Bloody Promises and Blackmail

**Chapter 28: Bloody Promises and Blackmail**

We've been in Kiri for a couple days now and I've seen other headbands begin to pop up, a few leaf, sand and stone, the odd cloud and even few of the small villages like grass and waterfall. The atmosphere is tense, as in **FUCK I'M BEING CRUSHED BY THE SHEER DENSITY OF KILLING INTENT IN THE AIR!** Apparently, I'm not the only ones who's noticed… tou-san is stickin to his 'little darlings' like a fly to shit… my poor individual training is out the window… _dammit…_

As we speak I'm cooped up the apartment thing we're staying in, sitting with Hidan in our room while Kuri is sleeping on the futon pillow… it's early but it's necessary as today…. The chunin exams begin…

I'm expecting a written exam but I still pack more weapons than usual, the mist genin are out for blood, anyone's blood… it's not going to be mine!

Even Hidan has realised the risk and is packing heavy, scythe being sharpened and his kunai pouch and shuriken holster are fit to burst.

Yuki… is relying on us weapons wise saying that she'll just boil them to death but she doesn't really seem to get the idea that _**SHE CAN'T USE HER KEKEIGENKAI UNLESS SHE WANTS TO FUCKIN DIE!**_ Even if she could make it look like some weird jutsu she'd still be screwed… Hidan and I can't protect her all the time… and Kuri calls me the stupid gaki… She doesn't seem to understand the danger she's in, it's not like I really care if she's too stupid to get it, I just need to keep her alive… I don't really wanna have to return to Yugakure with her in a body bag… she'd be a bitch to drag back…

…

Have I really become that numb to death that I don't care if someone dies? This world is fucked up…but I'm worse meanin I'm not bothered by the fact I don't care… I guess it means I'm becoming a true shinobi… joy…

"Fuckin bitch whore should pack her own fuckin weapons, when she dies I'm goin to fuckin laugh my ass off" Hidan snarled beside me, running a sharpening stone over the blade of his scythe, grinding the metal to lethally sharp. I sigh and set weapons out into neat bundles on my sealing scroll before setting the seals. "Between us we've got enough weapons to start a war, her not packing any shouldn't be a problem… even if it's bloody annoyin it's all left to us." Hidan smirks at that "at least we get some action, fuckin finally, we're gunna tear the heathen opposition apart, Jashin-Sama will be pleased" He purrs with a menacing gleam in his eye causing me to smirk myself "we're going to be chunin in no time… Yuki needs work but you and I are already there… I know it"

Magenta eyes sparkle brightly as we stare at one another, both of us exuding confidence "Together… we're gunna fuckin make it… together, the world will tremble with fear of lord Jashin, we're goin to be bloody great one day, ya know that fuck face, great" he purred. I feel my smirk, become a smile. I pull out a kunai and slice my right palm before holding my hand out to Hida "promise?" I ask, staring into those familiar eyes that gaze into my very sole. He takes the Kunai, slicing his right palm cleanly as I did before entwining the fingers of our bloodied hands, pressing them together firmly. I feel my blood mingle with his, entwining like our fingers, becoming one and the same "I promise" he vows solemnly, our eyes never once leaving one another… If anyone else had promised me that I'd shrug it of… but I believe Hidan… His word is worth more than a thousand promises… those eyes cannot lie to me, they wouldn't if they could… I trust him…

I send a flow of warm healing chakra through my hand, the cuts healing in the pale purple glow of my chakra, leaving a small scar as a reminder of our promise.

Most people have blue chakra, medics usually have green and tailed demons have red in the anime, something I noticed, the only person I've seen in the anime to have purple are Orochimaru and Sasuke's curse mark… but my purple isn't like theirs. Mine is pale lavender. It's vibrant and bright and swirls fluidly like water… Until Kuri mentioned my chakra being 'unique' I never paid much attention to it and just assumed Chakra could be any colour… but since the demon pointed it our I've realised, no one has the same chakra as me, no clan member, kaa-san has a bright green, tou-san a dark blue, Hidan a blue with the odd pink spark, Yuki with a pale blue… even in Kiri it's either blue or green… no pale purple… maybe I'm over thinking it but maybe it's different from everyone else's for a reason… because I'm not originally of this world, maybe it's affected my chakra some how and made me different from everyone else, like a sign I'm different… it's only a theory but it's plausible…

I've only just realised that my fingers are still entwined with Hidan's… I've no idea how long we're sat like this, hands firmly gripped together but it doesn't feel wrong or awkward, Hidan seems to feel the same as he's made no move to let go, in fact he's holding tighter than before, as if afraid to let go. I tear my eyes from our hands to his face. His eyes glisten with some emotion I can't quite read, but it's soft and sure, quietly confident in itself to remain sparkling in those deep magenta pools

_**FLASH!**_

"**I KNEW YOU TWO WERE GAY GAKIS!**" Comes a high pitch screech from beside me. I snap my head around to look at Kuri, fully awake and smirking like a cheshite cat with a camera between her paws…. On no….

"I wonder how Yuki will react if she sees you and Hidan having an intimate moment, holding hands and staring into one another's eyes like love sick puppies… she'll never you alone again… isn't that right?" Kuri demons face near splits in half as she smirks, a dark humor switling in her honey eyes.

I feel myself pale, my blood running cold…. **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY JASHIN! I DON'T DEREVE THIS!**

The bob-tailed rat giggles evily, verging on a cackle making me tence… I knew rabbits were demons! I KNEW IT! "So gaki… lets make a deal, I give you the picture IF you sign my summoning scroll… seems fair… right?" Hidan is still gripping my hand, I can feel his heart frantically beating, his cheeks lightly flushed.

The rabbit isn't a demon…. IT'S SATAN IN A FURY JACKET! I send my blood through my skin, sending it after the rabbit how twirls and dodges with ease "TOO SLOW GAKI!" she giggles and I hiss "GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKIN WHORE DEMON!" I snarl, getting to my feat and relinquishing my hold on Hidan's hand to give chase. THE BITCH IS GOIN DOWN! BUNNY BBQ FOR DINNER!

We twist and swirl around the room, her evading me at every turn, her style is graceful and near ridiculously fast, Might Guy would be proud it that fast!

The door opens to reveal my female team mate "What's going on in here, I was hoping for Yaoi!" She whines with a pout. Kuri makes a break for Yuki and I feel everything slow down "Yuki, I got something to~" I have to stop it "_I'LL SIGN_!" is all I can screech, at all cost… Yuki can never see that picture, **EVER!**

The demon rabbit smirks, camera disappearing in a flash, replaced with a large scroll, it's outer lining a pale orange, decorated with green swirls and tied with a blue rope. It automatically unravelled, a few names and finger prints decorating the page… I hate the rabbit… balling blood through my finger tips writing my name and printing the finger prints of my right hand on the page beneath my name.

Kuri smirks, the scroll rolling up on it's own and disappearing into a cloud of smoke. I glare at the brown furred demon "I. Hate. You" I hiss to which she smirks "like I care, you're stuck with me now gaki"

Yuki, who is still standing in the doorway giggles "Common Yaoi boys, we're going to leave for the first exam soon" I sigh heavily… this just isn't my day… fuck my life…

* * *

**AN:/:**

**I FOUND A NEW INTERNET SOURCE! who'd thought that the local cristian library would allow me to write yaoi... HEHEHEHE!**


	29. Let the Games Begin!

**Chapter 29: Let the Games Begin**

* * *

**IMPORTANT AN! - READ AT BOTTOM!**

* * *

Today just isn't my day… Jashin really has it out for me… My day started off with having to wake up at stupid o'clock in the morning to prepare for the chunin exams, next I'm black mailed by the stupid demon rat into signing the rabbit summoning scroll so I'm stuck with the fury devil and now… I have to sit a written exam… just fuckin great… Can't I just go back to bed and pretend today didn't happen? Please?

Right now I'm sitting next to Hidan on the floor of the waiting room for the exam, the second I entered I've been glared at… I'M THE FREAKING YOUNGEST THERE BY AT LEAST 3 YEARS! Because of this they're all glaring at me like I'm either a threat or a prime target… Just. Great…

Hidan is glaring daggers at anyone who dares come near us, exuding killing intent while wearing a twisted smirk which promises untold amounts of pain and suffering. Thanks to him, we've got a wide birth, but it doesn't stop the staring… if anything it's only made it worse… couple that with Kuri mouthing off about how her summoner is going to beat the living crap out of everyone in the chunin exams and I have a fan club of blood thirsty genin with more experience than myself glaring at me and promising my death… yeah, that's just how _great_ my day is turning out…

I stare out into the sea of people, my eyes cautiously looking over unknown faces… it seems no one from the main cast is here…the one good part is that I'm not going to run into them… I want as little to do with the story line as possible…I've already met 3 people I shouldn't have, 4 if you count Hida… all I ask is nothing dodgy, I just wanna live through this and get promoted… is that really too much to ask?

There's a sudden poof of smoke, I would have been surprised if I hadn't been expecting it… My eyes glide to the commotion then stop… My pinkie-red irises gaze over unknown faces of the proctors, they're not main characters which I can't help but smile at, if I'm lucky no more main characters will makes themselves known and I can just pass these tests, become chunin and go home with Hidan. No more problems, no more issues…. NO MORE MAIN CAST CONTACT!

I want **NOTHING** to do with the plot, I'm **NOT** going to go around and change things… I'm **NOT** going to intervene, they can sort it all out on their own… I'm not meant to be here, I was some freaky accident and have already messed up the story enough without doing anything else…I'm just going to reach jonin, lay low and avoid the main cast at all cost… **ESPECIALLY** the leaf, Akatsuki and tailed beasts… Even if I am here for a reason other than Jashin screwin me over, I'm not fuckin this around… I gotta game plan and I'm stickin to it…

I've only just realised that I am ignoring the proctors' ramblings about the first exam… _**WHEN THE HELL DID HE START TALKIN?!**_

"~Everyone take a numbered counter and it'll tell you where your sitting" _CRAP I MISSED IT ALL!_ Everyone begins filing into the specified room taking a counter from a box which coincides with a numbered seat…Yuki being bang up front in the middle number 5, Hidan being on the hard left near the back being number 61 and me…. I'm on in the middle right, having 3 people to my right and 6 on my left… number 34…

The room is dotted with higher ranking mist shinobi who are watching the exam… for mist shinobi… none of them look very scary… don't get me wrong I know they're not _all_ the demonic spawn of Satans loins but considering the majority of the mist shinobi highlighted in the manga and anime all looked like living chakra tanks from the deepest recesses of hell *cough* Kisame and Zabuza *cough* … I had assumed majority of them would follow along similar lines… apparently not… spoil sports…

I've zoned out again, only being brought back when Kuri sinks her teeth into my arm "SON OF A WHORE! WHAT THE HELL YOU CUNT OF A RABBIT!" I snarl at the top of my voice, the demon rabbit sprawled out on my desk laughing like a manic "Stupid gaki zoning out" she cackles…. Seconds later Hidan bursts out laughing "FUCK FACE, TELL THE SHITTY BITCH!" I hear from the back rows… only just now realising I shouted that out… the rest of the room is silently glaring at me, especially the main proctor… the other proctors look amused at my little outburst… I do the one thing I can think of doing… I shut the genin up with a wave of killing intent and glare daggers at the proctor before threatening to skin kuri later for her little stunt…. She quickly shuts her fury trap and the other genin are wincing… Even the proctor seems a little uncomfortable but no way near as uncomfortable as the genin… hehehehehe… that's right bitches, DON'T FUCK WITH THE GREAT JUNKETSU MAKKA… THE POWER OF MY YOUTH IS UNRIVALED! I wonder if I said that, how many of the leaf genin and their jonin would cringe… might have to try it…

After my little 'i'm kill you if you don't stop glaring at me' moment, the exam begins… I have no idea what the rules are and I don't care… I can do this…

The heart beats of the genin around me are frantic… they're panicing? I begin to read my own sheet… ah… I see why they're panicing now… WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? A code? The frickin test is in code… _IT'S LIKE GCSE FRENCH ALL OVER AGAIN!_ I THOUGHT I HAD LEFT THAT SHIT BEHIND IN MY PAST LIFE! _**AAAAAAAAGH!**_

Fuckin, shittin, bitch-ass whore, mother fucking…. JASIN DAMMED BASTARDS! I glare at the page almost willing it to burst into flames… It's just filled with a load of crappy symbols and squiggles… I stand corrected… this is EXACTLY like GCSE French all over again… why code it?

My eyes shift around the room to see everyone freaking out… well, nearly everyone… some of the mist genin seem to be powering through it… I get it… they've most likely been planted there… either that or they're trying to fail all the other villages for not knowing their coding sequences… or maybe to test code braking skills… this village is a prick… I can hear the smug sound of their blood… their chakra oozing confidence… I'll show you… Just like I showed Miss Ingolstone… old bitch of a French teacher…

Dude they're practically copying the leaf villages method… what a lack of fuckin imagination… couldn't they come up with anything better? … guess not…

My eyes shift to Kuri who is sitting on the table… she's looking back at me, her honey eyes have cottoned too… they scream revenge… I smirk at her and she smirks back. I secretly channel blood to the surface of my hand making it form words on my skin 'oi rat, how sneaky are ya?' her eyes flicker over the words and her smirk darkens all the more, eyes glinting dangerously… I focus more blood into my hand, changing the words on my skin 'I want you to go check out the mist genins answers, have a looks and report back. DON'T GET CAUGHT' She nods her head before disappearing, no smoke no noise, she just disappears into thin air.

A few of the other village genin have also cottoned onto the fact that there is something off here and are devising plans of action… my only concern is my team… once I get the answers I'll pass them on… somehow…

A few minutes later, Kuri is back looking smug. Her voice is low and near unhearable "Mist is cheating… they're code cracking with ease…" her claws scratch at the paper, leaving markings behind that match the question page, the markings referring to letters and spaces… what a useful rat she's turning out to be…

It's difficult but I get it… the hidden meanings becoming clear… the questions are relatively simple, nothing overly hard, any missing letters I can figure out from here…

I power through it, writing at high speed, my pencil gliding over the page much to the distaste of the proctors… FUCK YOU BUTT MUNCHERS! … I guess they do want to fail the other villages'… _cunts!_

Once I'm done, the tricky part comes… getting the message to them… I can't send Kuri, Yuki is up front and in direct sight of the head proctor so she'll be spotted while trying to help… no… I feel my blood push against my skin, willing it's way out of me… it's strange but… I have an idea… if it works we could pass this.

I release small amounts of blood into the air around us, allowing the cells to separate and become nothing more than a slightly metallic scent in the air, the cells too small to see with the naked eye… I direct them towards my team mates before getting them to gather and become a small pool of blood which I shape into words, to be precise the answers… I can feel their heartbeats, something I've been feeling since the beginning… slowly they begin to calm… their chakra speaking of relief… I on the other hand am struggling… my chakra control is _incredibly_ good for my age… but it's nearly been an hour of near constant manipulation, writing words under my skin, sending out my blood and then doing the painstaking job of having to manipulate my blood into hundreds of tiny words out of my body… I'm getting low on chakra and it's hard to maintain concentration… usually I'd have recalled my bloody by now but I need to keep it out…just a little longer…

I wouldn't usually go to this length to help someone… however I know neither of my team members are the intelligence gathering type… our team is more of a frontal assault you send in after you have gathered info, we weren't brought together to gather Intel, we just don't have that kind of training… We're just lucky Kuri is good at it… I dread to think of what would have happened otherwise.

We don't have long until the end, about 10 minutes, Yuki's hand stopped moving ahead of me so I with draw the blood, and soon after Kuri signals than Hidan has also stopped and also withdraw from there… Just in time, any longer and I'd be completely drained.

"Alright kiddies~" oh my god he's talkin **again**! I swear to all things unholy he loves the sound of his own voice… DAMMIT, STOP ZONING OUT! "You must decide now, to either answer the question or not… but remember what you decide affects your team mates, only 2 of each team will pass and the other will be unable to take the chunin exam again, if you drop out now you can try again later"

hold the phone, say what now mist bitch? This is where they've deviated slightly… if I remember correctly, in Naruto's chunin exam it was if you failed you could never take the exam again but your friends could still pass even if you failed and if you decided to take the question and fail you couldn't take the exam again, no mention of negative repercussions on the team or only 2 of you being able to pass…. Here it's 1 of us will fail no matter what… effectively sacrificing a team mate for our own good… WHAT THE SATAN!? I HAVE NO IDEA!

I know there's a trick here but I can't tell where…

I feel my inside constrict… From my understanding to abandon a team mate is frowned upon, however the shinobi rulebook says otherwise, that the mission comes first… the leaf believe in the bond of teams… the mist, well… I'm not sure… Mei would believe more in the leaf ideology… but the puppet Yagura… I have no idea… CURSE YOU MASASHI KISHIMOTO! NOT GOING INTO ENOUGH DETAIL ABOUT THE OTHER HIDDEN VILLAGES!

I have faith I could pass the question on my own, I could beat the odds and pass however, the idea of loosing Hidan and him being unable to take the exam again shakes me… we have a promise to uphold and if he can't take the exam ever again it puts us at a distinct disadvantage in keeping it… there is a 50/50 change either Hidan would fail, Yuki is kinda smart when she wants to be and had fair marks during our academy days… I don't want Hidan to fail

I spin backwards, making eye contact with Hidan's magenta. He stares into my eyes before smirking at me, his eyes holding his answer to my silent question… Most people wouldn't trust another to help make their decision however, Hidan is more than just a team mate… he's my best friend, one of my precious people… I have faith in him…

No matter the outcome… we'll do it… together…

* * *

**AN:/:**

**Cliff hanger ahoy!**

**Heres the game, I'm gunna let you guys vote weather or not Junketsu takes the question... his fate hands in the ballance of your decisions, either PM or review to play... You'll find out what happens in chapter 30... hehehehehe... choose wisely...**


	30. Answers and Favourite

**Chapter 30: Answers and Favourite**

One by one hands begin to rise, the small whines of team mates apologising to their friends, saying their sorry or that they can't bring themselves to sacrifice their own or their friends futures… some teams respond kindly, telling their friend it's alright, that they'll try again next year or they were about to raise their hands any way… other teams react badly, calling their friends weak and stupid, stating that their team mate has ruined their chances… through everything going on around me, I'm still staring into those confident magenta eyes, we have decided… even if we are wrong we'll at least be wrong together… those magenta eyes shine with their promise to me, their promise for us… we're going to be great…

Slowly I turn away with a nod to Hida, focusing on the panicked Yuki up front, desperately looking back at us for any indication of our actions. I stare into her amber eyes and give her a smile, conveying our plan… Her eyes shine with understanding and nerves before turning away… she's in too… we all have decided…

Kuri remains silent on the desk, looking between the three of us for answers, she hasn't been around us long enough to entirely understand our silent eye conversations, at least not entirely so she's out of the loop, she's looking to me to know but I remain silent while refusing to return her gaze.

More hands raise, many leaf genin giving in to the pressures. Their villages ideology being that abandoning their comrades makes them worse than the scum who abandon their missions, their sensei's hammering teamwork into them as soon as they get their hands on the apprentice ninja… it's a no brainer that they would drop out, their comrades are precious to them and they'll try and protect them no matter the cost… nobel but also risky… those who worry about their comrades too much end up dead in a pool of their own blood… their must be a balance between loyalty to your comrades and loyalty to the mission… too much of either one ends with casualties…be it those you care for or you yourself…

The proctors sharp eyes drift around the room, many have left, easily over half have given in… the room looks pretty bare…3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21 … 21 people makes 7 teams… there was neatly 70 to start with… under a third remain and none of their eyes look none too confident about remaining…

I feel the palms of my hands sweat with nerves… if we're wrong about this, our shinobi careers could be in jeopardy… the silence others hear must be unbearable but the panicked thumbing of their frantic little hearts is near deafening to me, their blood is crying out in terror… I can't take the noise…

"Come on Kiddies, are you confident you can win this? If your not I'd just drop out and come back next year… either way another third of you will be failing… do you really believe you can beat the odds here?" the main proctor taunts from the front of the room, his common features twisting into a malevolent smirk, his eyes speaking of the pleasure of making the us genin suffer… _Must. Resist_… fuck it I have no self control~

"What kind of coward would back down now? Shinobi conduct states that the mission comes first, no matter the sacrifice, be it yourself or your team mates, this is no fuckin different, this shit test is our mission and should be treated accordingly… grow a fuckin back bone brats, even if you fail there are other ways of getting promoted" I purr loud enough for the other genin and proctors to hear. I can't stop the dark smirk which has etched itself onto my features as I run my fingers through my uncontrollable purple hair while I stare confidently into the main proctors eyes, His eyes staring right back into my pinkie red… he's such a back ground character even his eyes are a generic brown… Mr generic the boring background sadist…

**I DID A NARUTO!** Though it's more of a insult speech than a motivational one… hell it's getting the same effect, if any more drop out it would be boring. Hands have stopped raising and I can tell from their slowing heart beats that they've committed themselves to seeing this through now for fear of being branded a coward by a kid so much younger than themselves. **I'm just **_**that**_** cool…**

My insult speech was waaaay more awesome than Naruto's motivational one could even dream of being… hold on, technically I copied him but since I'm a year older than him and taking the exam 6ish years before him… doesn't that mean he copied me?

…I think I've murdered the logical side of my brain… that and apparently my head is firmly up my ass today with all the self praising… DIE INFLATING EGO, DIE! I REFUSE TO BE LIKE SAS-**UKE**! _**NEVER!**_

The proctors eyes look around the room one more time "Are you sure you want to listen to a little kid? He's just a brat"… brat… brat…. BRAT!? WHO'S THAT OLD FART CALLIN BRAT!? I ain't no fuckin brat no matter what the rabbit whore says! I should rip his fuckin throat out!

Kuri is sprawled out on the table before me, pounding her front paws on the wood of the desk in laughter "HAHAHA, he called you a 'brat' gaki!" however she suddenly disappears only to reappear to kick the main proctor in the balls with her demonic rat strength causing him to double over in agony letting out a high pitched squeak **"NO ONE CALLS MY GAKI SUMMONER A BRAT BUT ME!" **she hisses with a dark glare as she lands another strike across his jaw, her back legs, though small are a fuckin strong and do a lot of damage when they connect… I almost feel sorry for the bastard… Almost…

The rat reappears on my desk, front paws crossed in front of her small body with her head held high and long ears laying back against her skull and body while she pouts with her eyes closed "Stupid mist gaki insulting my gaki summoner" she huffs in annoyance… it's fine for her to insult me but the second anyone else does she deems it wrong… DOUBLE STANDARD OR WHAT! Sheesh, I will never understand this she-rabbit or girls in general… they're all weird…and that's coming from an EX female for Christ's sake, that's just how complicated they are!

After a few minutes of agonised squeaking from the main proctor, he manages to compose himself though he's still guarding his crown jewels with his hands in fear of another rat attack. "As I was saying~" He squeaks, voice several octaves higher than it was before the assault on his manhood. I find it hard not to laugh but manage to settle for a slightly smug smirk, though I can hear the distinct sniggering of Hidan behind me. The proctor coughs tryin to stop the high squeaky sound of his voice but with no luck "This is your last chance to quit"

No one so much as flinches, the torturous illusion which once struck fear into the hearts of the remaining genin was shattered into a million squeaking pieces after Kuri rat faces vicious attack on the mans stick and giggle berries which had most likely ruined his chances of having children. He is no longer the foreboding presence he once was; he's now a man who most likely has a deep seeded fear of rabbits after today's' events… I warn people rabbits are evil but no one ever listens… _**I WARN YOU BASTARDS, RABBITS ARE DEMONS IN FLUFFY JACKETS! **_

The head proctors eyes gaze around once more before he sighs "Well I guess I have to tell you that… you pass~" His announcement cut short by cries of confusion from the remaining genin… so they did copy the Hidden Leaf Village… HOW BORING! Sheesh, can't anyone come up with original ideas? Do they all copy each other or something? And I though this would be harder. The second test better be good or so help me Jashin I'm going to murder someone! _I want a challenge!_

"What do you mean we pass, where's the final question?!" comes an unknown males screech behind me. DAMMIT SHUT UP AND LET THE OLD FART EXPLAIN HIMSELF! The main proctor seems just as annoyed as me, his fingers inching towards his shuriken holster… the action seems to shut everyone up, thank hell. Mr generic proctor lets out a growl of "interrupt me again and one less team will be making it through to the second exam, got it brat" before turning to address the entire room "As I was saying earlier, you pass… the mission comes before yourself and your team mates so choosing to take the question proves your loyalty to your mission and your village. If you were one of the cowards who left, you'd have been unworthy of the shinobi name as a shinobi is a tool to be used by the village and discarded if deemed broken or useless… you are at your villages disposal and have no right to refuse a mission… the second exam will begin tomorrow at 8am sharp, be there on time or you'll automatically fail… further details will be provided by your sensei, get out my sight before I change my mind" he snarls, eyes gleaming with annoyance as he stares down Kuri who in retaliation slams a back leg on my desk, cracking the wood… note to self, never let Kuri kick me below the belt… EVER!

The room begins to empty as the passing teams leave and I stand to leave only to be jumped from behind, my body spinning before contact so my back slams against the table "HELL YEAH FUCK FACE! KNEW WE'D FUCKIN MAKE IT!" Hidan cheers with a smirk, our noses nearly touching. I smile at him brightly "Of course Hida, we're gunna be great right?" I ask knowingly to which his smirk spreads "fuckin famous!" he confirms with a nod, magenta eyes sparkle in the weird way they do…

"YAOI!" comes an all too familiar squeal, however a chorus of girlish giggles backs it up… no… For the love of all things unholy don't tell me…

I spin my head, looking over to the unbearable noise to find not only Yuki but also a swarm of girls with nosebleeds, blushed to holy hell and giggling about boy love… FAN GIRLS! I THOUGHT WE WERE SAFE HERE!

I grab Hida's wrist and jump out a nearby open window, a stampede of squealing banshees in hot pursuit. I leave Kuri behind; the bitch can look after herself, I'm concerned with self-preservation!

We dart through the trees looking for somewhere to hide, anywhere… the world whizzes past at break neck speeds as the mist silently blankets the world helping us to evade the psychos. Hidan is hissing about sacrificing them but he's also running for his life… hell knows what'll happen if we're captured!

My eyes lock on a nearby river and my brain shouts at me to hide. I make hand signs making water clones of Hidan and myself before yanking Hidan into the river, pulling him under the surface.

The water is cold but clear as I watch my clones run off into the trees, the girls don't notice the difference and follow them blindly… I wait a few moments, looking to Hidan who is watching the surface carefully.

Soon enough my lungs plead for oxygen and I have no choice but to resurface, Hidan following shortly. I breathe hard as I break the surface, Hidan panting harshly "What's fuckin wrong with bitches, wherever we go they go fuckin crazy!" He hisses while glaring off in the direction the swarm of girls disappeared in. I smile at him "I guess we just have sex appeal, put the image of us screwing in their heads and they turn into rabid animals" I joke playfully, earning a snort from my zealot friend as his head snaps to the side to look at me his cheeks blushed "and you call me a fuckin pervert" He grumbles and I giggle "because you are one, wouldn't change ya though… you're my silver haired zealot pervert at the end of the day" I smile, his cheeks darkening and a slightly goofy smile lights up his features… Dammit! In my old life I'd have jumped him, he looks fuckin adorable all wet and smiley with that embarrassed blush because I wouldn't change him. He's my best friend; of course I wouldn't change him.

We haul ourselves onto the bank before collapsing on the grass, side by side, while staring up into the misty sky. We're soaked to the bone; the cold air sending shivers darting up and down my spine as it reacts with the water cooling my skin.

I sit up and untie my red fabric belt around my waist and pulling off my purple over shirt with red trim and wringing it out as best I can. The netted shirt beneath isn't a big issue at they don't really absorb water due to the material. My shorts are soaked but there's no way I'm stripping in a public place. I hear movement beside me as Hidan yanks of his black shirt before throwing it "Shirts fuckin suck, I fuckin give up with em'!" He grumbles I chuckle slightly before ruffling my fingers through my hair and shaking like a dog trying to get as much water out as possible. Hidan on the other hand just sweeps it back… at that moment I can see Shippuden Hidan, shirtless and his silver hair swept back, it's kind of haunting to think what he's going to turn into… I almost forgot that my Hidan will be that Hidan in a few years…

Magenta eyes look into mine and his face contorts with concern "Hey, you alright Ketsu?" he asks softly… what's going to happen in a few years? He's going to be in the Akatsuki, and me? I've no idea… we'll be separated… that much is certain… our days are numbered…

The thought makes my eyes burn as they threaten to overflow with bitter tears, the idea of not being with him hurts, as if I'm being torn apart from the inside… the mere thought of loosing him making my chest ache with a near unbearable pain. "I, it's nothing Hida~" I mumble but my voice breaks when I say his name and tears silently roll down my cheeks… I don't want to loose him, the bond we share, that smile, those magenta eyes… him…

My body is on autopilot and I move forward and wrap my arms around his neck and nuzzling into his shoulder as my legs straddle his hips. His skin is warm against mine and his heartbeat is fast…. I don't want to loose this…

I feel him shift as his arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer "Ketsu?" he mumbles softly and it burns, this Hidan… he's precious to me, more than my kaa-san and tou-san… I wouldn't mind if they disappeared as long as Hidan was still with me… but soon he's going to leave me…

I breathe hard against his shoulder, that metallic bloody smell easing my pain… he's with me now at least… he's mine for now…

His skin is soft against mine as I turn my head into his neck "Hida… no matter what… your always going to be my favourite" I mumble quietly against his skin, my fingers tracing unknown shapes into his shoulders and top of his back. I feel him shiver and his arms tighten around me possessively. I feel his damp hair tickling my shoulder and neck and his warm breath rippling across the shell of my ear "you're my favourite too" he whispers tenderly, barely loud enough to hear, only for me to know…

I feel my skin tingle and my heart beat a little harder against my rib cage. Those words making my entire body feel warm.

God knows how long we stayed like that… it could have been hours or minutes as time seemed to slow, the world could explode for all I care… I wouldn't mind dieing like this… with him…

When we gently untangle ourselves from one another his eyes look into mine, that spark of unreadable emotion that used to hide itself has been lingering since this morning and seems to grow every passing second. I like it.

He smiles at me and I smile back "Sorry about that Hida…" I mumble softly and he chuckles slightly "no fuckin problem… how bout we go eat? My treat?" he purrs warmly and I smile brightly and nod. "Sure"

I know we won't always be together… but his eyes always say otherwise… I want to believe in those eyes… I want to always be with him, even if it means having to walk a path I don't want too… even if… I have to change a few things… I'm not going to loose this… I'm not going to loose him…


	31. The Second Exam

**Chapter 31: The Second Exam**

The second exam comes fast. Yuki, Hida and I are walking through the streets of Kiri with tou-san following closely behind as we head to our destination. "My darlings are doing so well but you 3 have to remember that from here it's only going to get harder from here, the second exam will push you all… Just remember to stay together aright my little ones?" he tells us worriedly, his arms flailing around in an attempt to make his point clear but the three of us are a little busy trying to work out what'll happen… the only real hint we had was 'come prepared' from tou-san…

Yuki, being the annoyance she is, has only packed light leaving Hidan and I to pack extra to save her sorry ass… GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD, _**YOU. CAN'T. USE. YOUR. KEKEIGENKAI. HERE!**_ She's going to be the death of this team… I don't think she realises that we're not always going to be around to save her when the shit hits the demon wind shuriken… she better get a grip soon or her ninja career will end before it's got off the ground.

"We fuckin heard ya the first time psycho-sensei! We're bloody ninja not fuckin kids!" Hidan snarls in annoyance, His fingers running through his messy silver hair. Thankfully he hasn't decided to keep it slicked back yet so he's still my Hidan and not the Akatsuki's… however the shirt is gone, proberbly at the bottom of a river somewhere… that's right he's half naked and taking the chunin exams, no jacket, no netted shirt… HOW HE'S NOT FREEZING TO DEATH I HAVE NO IDEA… I'm waiting for his nipples to turn blue and drop off… then again he's a naturally warm person and my personal hot water bottle at the moment due to the cold nights here in Kiri.

However a half naked Hidan means Yuki is constantly in a state of fangirl and most girls his age are looking at him like he's prey… HORMONAL WHORES! Thankfully Hidan isn't interested in girls yet… _yet_… so I don't have to worry about him getting a girl friend and becoming a third wheel… he's a pervert but has yet to take an interest, he just enjoys embarrassing me by making everything dirty… He's so fuckin mean to me…

Yuki is ogling him like a succubus on Viagra, WET FLOOR SIGN ON ISLE YUKI! Sheesh, close your mouth before something flies in there… Her cheeks are a constant shade of cherry red and if her nose bleeds any more she'll die… come on bitch, just a little more… fuck, Hidan is having a very negative effect on me… oh well… DIE WHORE!

I hate her; the way she acts around him is a shame on our village.

The 4 of us walk, tou-san trying to gain our attentions while the 3 of us do everything to ignore his worried ranting.

We make our way towards training ground 38 where we've been told to meet… if this is like the second exam of Naruto's chunin exam I'm going tokill someone, I swear to Jashin!

The other 6 teams have gathered… 2 mist, 1 leaf, 1 stone, 1 cloud and 1 sand… so we're the only team that isn't from one of the great shinobi nation… just fuckin great, we practically have a target painted on us… WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!?

The proctor is once again an unknown, thank hell, and is standing around glaring at us… oh what a bundle of joy he seems, like is face would crack if it left it's scowling position, this village is full of miserable lookin bastards… IT'S NOT ILLIGAL TO SMILE HERE! … it isn't is it?

"OH MY DARLING GENIN, I KNOW YOU'LL DO WONDERFUL! I'M LIKE A PROUD MUMMY WAVING HER BABIES OFF!" tou-san gushes suddenly, dragging the three of us backwards into a massive weepy hug… CONTROL YOUR WEIRDNESS!

Every team, their sensei's and the proctor are staring at us like we're nuts, but it's not just them staring, passing ninja and hidden presences are watching this, most likely laughing their asses off… _Just. Fuckin. Great_… DAMMIT TOU-SAN!

I feel my cheeks burn up "Tou-san~" I mumble all too sweetly "YOU HAVE **5 SECONDS** TO LET GO BEFORE I SHOVE MY HAND DOWN YOUR THROAT AND USE YOUR STOMACHE AS A KUNAI POUCH!" I snarl angrily and I feel my red eyes burn with unadulterated fury. My reflection in tou-san's eyes remind me all too much of my kaa-san, something Tou-san picks up on and lets go "n, now my darling boy… calm down… I love you" he squeaks nervously "You're so much like your mother… Have I ever told you how much I love you and your mother?" he starts jibbering, a distinct sweat drop sitting on his forehead as his skin pales and he flails his arms in front of him in an attempt to protect him from my wrath… I can't be that scary… I'm 7 years old… physically any way.

I roll my eyes at him but smile before tuning my attention towards the proctor who is making himself known. Yet another generic looking man, short messy brown hair, dark eyes and frowning like a dog took a shit in his sandals… seriously, he looks near identical to the first proctor, if it wasn't for the difference in chakra I would have barely told the difference! Seriously Kishimoto, PUT MORE THOUGHT INTO YOUR BACKGROUND CHARACTERS!

"It's time to explain the second exam, you must retrieve a forbidden item from a point specified an a rough map, you must retrieve it and return in 2 days or you fail" … that sounds easy… hell I could do that on my own I~

"Oh, and did I mention there's only enough forbidden items for 4 teams to pass? If you don't get there in time you'll have to fight for them" Ok that's harder~

"You also won't only be fighting each other out there, we have high ranking shinobi out there waiting for you, you get captured by them and you'll automatically be disqualified… or killed… it depends entirely on the mood of those hiding shinobi" … I had to jinx myself didn't I? FUCK MY LIFE!

So let me get this straight… our team has 2 days to find a 'forbidden object' whatever the hell it is and return it without being killed by either the fellow genin or these hiding enemy shinobi which if they win against us we're disqualified or dead… and all we have to aid us is a cruddy map which may or may not be accurate, not to mention any other hidden dangers which are bound to be out there…shit… just shit, this is gunna be hard~

"One more thing… you may, if you so desire, use your team mates as cannon fodder, you don't have to complete this test together, the success of the mission is more important than anything else… to collect your map, sign the 'in case of death' form stating it's not our villages problem what happens to you and hand it in and you'll be lead to the start point for your map" … prick… this village is a prick… I have decided once and for all, if I had been brought back as a Kiri-nin I'd have been outta there before the fuckers knew I was gone!

I give this 'in case of death' form over…

* * *

_Full Name:_

_All sections __must__ be completed for participation in the second exam of the chunin selection exam._

_**The above stated agrees to the following terms:**_

_If you are killed, physically or psychologically damaged it is of your own fault and the village may not be held responsible._

_If you are unable to continue your shinobi career for any reasons associated with the exam it is of your own fault and the village may not be held responsible._

_If you suffer torturer during the exam it is of your own fault and the village may not be held responsible._

_If you are mutilated beyond recognition it is of your own fault and the village may not be held responsible._

_If you are mutilated beyond recognition you agree to an autopsy to determine whom you are to be carried out on your corpse so it may be returned to the correct village for burial._

_Any harm that befalls your team is of your own fault and the village may not be held responsible._

_If you fail the exam you will accept any reprimand deemed worthy of your failure._

_I fully understand these conditions and agree to terms of taking the second exam of the chunin selection exams no matter the out come._

_Signature:_

_Date:_

* * *

Sooooo…. Pretty much no matter what happens it's my fault… fair doos. I quickly write my name, signature and the date. Hidan having signed it without reading is glaring at Yuki who is whining about how the 'in case of death' form isn't fair.

"We have like noooooooo rights if anything goes wrong! What kind of sadist would sign this?!" she protests. I raise my hand like I would have in the academy to answer a question as a small smirk tugs at the corners of my mouth "Life isn't fair, now quit complaining and sigh the bloody thing, Hida and I already have" I state matter-O-factly though I can hear a rather agitated sharpness in my tone, my hand lowering into my mess of purple fluffy spikes to which she pouts "Mean yaoi boys ganging up on me" she mumbles to which Hidan hisses "We're NOT fuckin yaoi boys bitch! You're just a fuckin whore, Sign the shitting form and lets get a fuckin move on!" His cheeks are slightly pink as he snarls at Yuki angrily, kinda resembling a pissed off cat… if I ever voiced that he'd totally kill me… kinda tempting… **WHOSE A GOOD HIDA-KITTY!?** … Yeah, he's murder me…

Yuki eventually signs her form too and we hand them in to Mr Generic the Second who once checking our forms are correctly filled in sends us on our way with a lead who abandons us in the middle of nowhere with a squibble of a map… IT LOOKS LIKE A TODLER DREW THE DAMMED THING! … we're so screwed…

* * *

**NA:/:**

***pant* I have just walked about 3 MILES to update this for you guys... that's how much I love you... *passes out***


	32. Saving Hida, Saving Me

**Chapter 32: Saving Hida, Saving Me…**

I've been glaring at the map for about 10ish minutes now. I'm sitting on the floor with my legs crossed willing the paper to burst into flames… stupid bloody thing. I've managed to make out some of it but my job is being made all the harder by Hidan and Yuki.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE WHORE! I'LL RIP YOUR INSIDES OUT IF YOU BLOODY BRING UP FUCKIN YAOI AGAIN!"

"AWW, BUT YOU AND JUNKETSU-KUN WOULD BE SO CUTE! I MEAN COME ON! JUST A LITTLE PHOTO SHOOT! IT'S ALL I'M ASKING HERE"

"FUCK YOU!"

Fuck my life… SHUT UP! They have no idea how hard this thing is to read, even Kuri is silent and letting me work but both my team-mates are driving me nuts. I grind my teeth together… Must. Not. Murder. Team… Must. Not. Murder. Team… Must. No~ "PLEASE HIDAN-KUN, THE CREAM WOULD BE OPTIONAL" … fuck it

"SHUT THE FUCK UP THE BOTH OF YOU!" I snarl to which they both jump "WHILE YOU TWO ARE BICKERING LIKE A PAIR OF BRATS YOU COULD BE DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE LIKE SCOUTING THE AREA FOR CLUES SO THAT IT WOULD BE EASIER TO READ THE MAP!" they're both standing at attention looking scared shitless… that's right bitches, the youngest member of the team is scolding you for acting like brats!

"Now either be helpful or be quiet or I'll kill you, the other teams won't get a look in, Do I make myself clear?!" I growl out with a glare to which they both flinch "Yes Junketsu!" they chorus before disappearing at high speed.

"HAHAHAHA! About time you took control gaki, I've been waiting for you to grow some balls and take charge of your little team" Kuri laughs beside me as she looks over the map. I snap my eyes back to the crappy map, I've worked out that this clump of 3 greenish messy markings represent the forest a few hundred meters to our right in the west and that the squiggles represent the small river we passed coming here in the south… however we haven't met anything that could represent the jagged thing on the map conveying that we have yet to pass whatever it stands for putting us somewhere between those points… I'm pretty sure the map isn't to scale so there no point in trying to work out exactly where… on top of this there are strange markings on the map along the top… they don't actually represent anything to my knowledge… but then again I could be wrong… I highly doubt they'd put something useless on the map…

Yuki returns first, reporting that there was nothing interesting to the south or west… leaving the East and north… I have a nasty feeling East is where we need to go… the jagged symbol being there…

We wait for 10 minutes before I get worried, as scythe happy as Hidan is…he's quite good at gathering basic info and should have been back before now…

I send out my senses, feeling for that familiar chakra with pink flares, seeking the relief of the whisper of his blood… My eyes snap open and I take off East "YOU TWO STAY PUT!" I hiss at Kuri and Yuki who is screaming about being abandoned.

I've never wanted to be somewhere faster in my life, my body forcing itself to move faster as my muscles scream for me to stop to which my blood hisses angrily as it rushes to feed my muscles the oxygen they're demanding. Shit, shit, SHIT!

Chakra rushes over me and I know I've been noticed automatically as I hear a giggle "Aww, looks like someone has come to help you out" a girls voice echoes and I feel my insides tense… so they felt me

I hide in the mist, watching in disbelief of what my eyes are showing me. Hidan looks pretty beaten up lookin very confused and a little worried, around him are 3 female Suna nin… seriously Hidan, wherever you go women go nuts! CONTROL YOUR ANIMAL MAGNETISM!

Hold on… I swear I know their chakra… weren't they in the swarm of evil demon whores known as psycho yaoi fan girls? … I'm suddenly crazy happy I made Yuki stay behind…Satan knows what would happen!

"We know your there, come out~" one of the girls calls out in a sickly sweet tone making me flinch… I don't wanna know what they plan to do if they catch us both… yaoi fan girls are terrorising! Please Jashin… if you're real, I swear to you that if you let us escape I'll become a zealot like Hidan and follow the religion without question, PRETTY PLEASE!?

No wonder Sasori ditched Suna if the women there are like this worrying… urgh. Officially women suck, I'm just going to be A-sexual in this life… at least that way I don't have to do anything disgusting with women… WHAT? TO ME IT'S JUST WRONG! I feel myself shudder at the thought before snapping myself out of my inner musings… I'm so glad no one knows what I think or they'd think I was completely off my fuckin rocker… maybe I am… DAMMIT JUNKETSU, FOCUS!

I manage to snap myself out of my creepy little brain just in time to dodge an attack from a puppet… hello there, long time no see Crow… if I'm not mistaken in Unleashed your Kankuro's… ADVANTAGE AHOY! I dodge a mouthful of needles, gracefully twisting through the air like a cat and landing a little further back, poison dipped Senbon in hand.

"Hello loud mouths boyfriend!" I get an evil giggle from one of the girls standing in front of Hidan. She seems like the leader of this dodgy troop of yaoi crusaders. Her hair is shoulder length brown hair with a crappy fringe think like Ino Yamanaka in Unleashed… from her build she's a close range fighter… hehe, I'm her worst enemy and she doesn't know it yet…

The other two look very similar, both having long dirty blonde hair and brown eyes, the only difference being the styles of their hair, the puppet bitch having it tied up in a high pony tail pulled away from her face while the other has her hair in 2 pig tails… maybe sisters which means maybe they have similar techniques… If I remember correctly, the Crow works with another puppet called the Black Ant to make a secret technique called Iron Maiden… maybe she's it's user… Though it's always possible they have very different techniques…

"First things first bitches, Hida and myself are NOT FUCKIN BOYFRIENDS! YOUR JUST PERVERTS!" I find myself hissing angrily at them to which the girl with the brown hair giggles "YAOI IN DENIAL! How cute!" To which the other two girls nod in agreement and I sigh… Hopeless bitches…

I feel something behind me and I jump evading the Crow… I never forgot about you "It's nice to see the Crow up close and personal, I've always admired Sasori Aka no Suna's work, it's a shame it's being wielded by someone such as yourself… the Black Ant here too I'm assuming?" I ask with a smirk, which receives a glare from the blondes and a slightly worried look from the brunette "He knows" the previously silent blonde mumbles… so my theory was correct. MWAHAHAHAH! I DESERVE A SULTANA COOKIE FOR MY GENIOUS! Please?

The brunette begins to make hand signs. Shit. She's not an overly fast weaver allowing to see the mainly wind based signs… fuck…

"Wind Style: Gale Palm!" her chakra transforms into wind which is sent slicing my way… I react the only way I can think

"Blood Style: Crimson Wall" I hiss out, my blood forcing it's way through my skin and creating a protective wall in front of me. The wind technique collides with the wall of blood… this is the perfect time to use something my hell training with tou-san has helped me master "Blood Style: Diffusion" I mumble, my chakra from my blood cells attacking the chakra in the attack, creating a negative charge and neutralising her attack… it's cool but there's one MASSIVE draw back, it eats into my chakra reserves like a starving samehada … FUCK IT'S EXHAUSTING, something tells me this is a technique I won't be using very often… However the technique seems to have the desired effect as the look in the brunettes eyes says it all 'shit' I smile as my wall breaks down into my defensive double helix technique, wrapping around me protectively as I smile sweetly "Now that was rude wasn't it here I am complimenting your weaponry and you go and attack me… all I want is my team mate back from you yaoi whores." I pout. I flicker technique to Hidan, using my blood style: Ruby Spear attack to cut the ropes and allowing him to move… 2 against 3… I like those odds.

Hidan's on his feet in seconds before he smirks at me "Fuckin bitches ambushed me, screamed about yaoi boys before attacking me for fuckin running yesterday! They're worse than YUKI!" he complains to which I smile "I'm not sure about that… these ones haven't stalked us with cameras yet snapping pictures that look worse than they seem" I giggle making Hidan blush "don't give the fuckin psycho bitches bloody ideas, we already have enough shitting problems" he mumbles and I can't help but giggle from his expression "baka Hida ass hole"

There's suddenly a wave of chakra and I see the 3 girls with stars in their eyes, the crow copying their creepy stance of rabid fangirl mode… that's just so wrong… you poor puppet being stuck with crazy bitches. WHAT THE HELL!

They recover quickly, thank Jashin and get a little more serious but it's fuckin hard to take them serious when they're blushing…

"W, we want your map!" the brunette hisses angrily and I roll my eyes, that's what they want, like hell! I have a lot riding on passing this bloody exams and I ain't about to give away our only way of passing, even if it is crappily drawn!

I can feel the cogs in Hidan's brain working, apparently having come to the same conclusion as me, we're going to be great and no stupid bitches are standing in our way.

"Oi fuck face… I got a plan, but you gotta trust me" I look at him, his magenta eyes burning, that strange spark of unreadable emotion having exploded in his eyes. "I trust ya with my life ass hole, what's this plan?" I ask with a smile, which just makes his cheeks heat up a bright crimson "I just need you to trust me and not fuckin attack me, under no circumstances alright?" I nod warily… what the hell is he thinking? What kind of plan has he concocted in his strange little zealot head?

The three Suna fan bitches are also looking at us warily, ready to attack or defend, What ever Hida is planning it better wor~

My collar is grabbed and I'm yanked backwards, the world spinning as I try and to keep my balance. I let out a little noise of surprise as everything blurs, the sky trees and Hidan becoming a blur of colours. It was fast~

I feel like I'm on fire as I'm yanked against Hidan's chest and his lips connect with mine, the deafening squeals of the Suna genin becoming lost in my confusion…he, he's…**OH MY JASHIN! **My cheeks feel like they're about to melt and from the feel of my blood they're red as the blood itself. Magenta eyes are closed, one hand still holding my collar, the other now resting on my hip… his, his lips are soft against mine. I feel my body shiver against my will, my heart beats so hard it's threatening to break out of my rib cage as my blood goes haywire in my body whispering nonsense to me. I feel completely short-circuited… WHAT IS HAPPENING!

It's as if I've lost control of my body as my muscles relax, my eyes gently coming to a close. Nothings responding to me, my fingers won't even twitch at my command, it's like he's lightning and I'm water… this is wrong… Hidan isn't gay in the anime, HE'S STRAIGHTER THAN A VERY STRAIGHT THING!

Softly he pulls back and I can't stop the little gasp that escapes me. His eyes look into mine with a smirk and his forehead pushes against mine "my plan worked" he purrs giving my hip a squeeze before moving away. Plan? _**THIS WAS HIS FUCKIN PLAN!? **_I manage NOT to murder him and look to where the Suna genin once stood, I say once stood as now they are passed out on the floor in a pool of blood which escaped their noses, their cheeks cherry red.

This is all their fault, because of them Hidan stole me first kiss and it's going to be awkward and… AHHHHHHHHHH! HIDAN STOLE MY FIRST FUCKIN KISS! I'M SOME SORT OF CHILD WHORE KISSING PEOPLE AT 7! I'M GOING TO GROW UP INTO SOME SORT OF PROSTITUTE WHO SELLS KISSES! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! _**WHY!? **_I know in my past life I did a lot more than just kissing, I was no fuckin angel but even that version of myself had the decency to wait until she was 14 to have her first kiss and that was with her boyfriend for Satan's sake, there was no same sex best friend who just came up and kiss me… well… there was that strange period when I was 16… _**NO THAT DOESN'T COUNT!**_

I glare at their unconscious forms on the floor feeling my hate grow by the passing second. Pulling out a kunai. Hidan looks at me "Ketsu?" He asks, voice holding the question 'what the fuckin hell are you doin?' I feel my blood boil under my skin with anger "They saw my kekeigenkai making them a threat to me and sensei, they must be disposed just in case… considering where we're taking the chunin exams" Hidan seems to buy my excuse, even smirking at the idea of a little blood. "3 heathen sacrifices to Jashin Sama" he purrs and I nod "Lets get this over with" I growl approaching them with kunai with the intent to slit their throats.

This is all _**their**_ fault. They screwed with our friendship… _something I will not tolerate._

* * *

**AN:/: YO! just thought i'd give you fair warning next chapter may be a little late as I am going on Holiday today and have been banned from writing while there *cries* ...though I have snuck a few things to keep me occupied *evil smirk* HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER HEHEHEHEHE!**


	33. Sadistic Clarity

_**IMPORTANT DON'T MURDER YAOI-EXPERT AN AT BOTTOM!**_

* * *

**Chapter 33: Sadistic Clarity**

I hadn't realised until now what I have become… what I am… but now I see…

The deep, rich burgundy of blood paints my small pale hands as my anger relinquishes its death grip on me and I see the mess I've made. The 3 psycho-fan girls who once stood before me now lay at my feet, their eyes glazed and no longer of this world as they stare at me, they do not breathe and their bodies still and unmoving. The only time I've seen this much blood is when I used to watch horror movies in my past life… I feel numb, as if I'm not actually here… as if it is nothing more than a movie… as if I am not the one who is gripping the blood stained kunai so tightly my knuckles are white… I feel numb…

I don't know what happened… I just… I just snapped.

It was their fault, they messed with me and Hida… they brought this to themselves… but I've never felt like this… so disconnected…

I stare down at them, well… the bits of them…I'm not actually sure which part belongs to which girl but _most_ of them should be there… I can't even remember entirely what happened… I was too angry… too concerned about Hida to really monitor my own actions… the old me, the former me, Emma… she would have cried at what I did, what we did… but I feel nothing… we've killed before, but this is different… they hadn't tried to kill me, not really and yet I killed them out of anger… they didn't stand a chance, hell Hidan didn't even have to lift a finger.. I just tore them apart… _One. By. One_…

I step back from the near hellish carnage that lay at my feet, my back pressing against something warm. A familiar scent greeting me as the comforting whisper of his blood slowly brings me out of my numb state. Hidan's arms wrap around my shaking form tightly, I hadn't even realised I was shaking until I felt his unwavering presence encircle me. He rests his chin on my shoulder as he pulls me closer so that we're firmly pressed together, his silver hair tickling my neck while the slow rhythmical beating of his heart helps to relax my tense muscles as I once more grasp reality.

"You alright?" comes the soft whisper in my ear, warm breathe dancing against my skin. He's always so warm. I don't feel able to talk yet so I settle of a soft hum and a nod which earns me a sigh and another burst of warm breath against my skin. His grip tightens momentarily before he gently releases me and steps forward to inspect my handy work, his left hand sweeping through his silver hair and pulling it away from his face… I have a feeling he's going to start wearing it back soon… my Hidan is slowly disappearing…

"You made quite the fuckin mess Ketsu, bitches deserved it… Jashin-Sama would be proud of such a sacrifice" he purrs before turning with a smirk to look me in the eye. I feel myself smile at him, a wave of pride rushing over me that Hidan is proud of me… it's that response to him that I've realised, Hidan is the only thing I truly care about in this life… I thought I cared about my new family, Tou-san and Kaa-san, maybe even Yuki a bit… but he's the only one… I assumed love would grow with time, that I could accept them, but I just couldn't, Hidan is the only one… who makes me feel alive… this dark epiphany giving me a clarity I've never felt before… as if I am finally seeing clearly for the first time…

I step forward, uncaring of the bits of bodies scattered around and the pungent scent of death that attacks my scenes. "We should check the remains for tools quickly, they might come in handy" I state as I bend down to dig through the mounds of slippery blood drenched pieces in search. Hidan chuckles beside me "you've never fuckin shown such a morbidly sadistic side before fuck face, ya feelin alright?"

I feel his words click something in my head and I smile sweetly "Aww Hida-nii ish worried about little old me, how cute!" I giggle, my brain finally having recovered enough to get my words in order and act more like myself. He smiles at me before helping me sift through the bloody mess, almost gleefully yanking bits of intesine and other internal organs out the way until he finds the pouches we're looking for, the crow was also buried near the bottom and I can't resist touching him, I mean come on, how many Sasori fan girls would kill to spend 5 minutes with one of Sasori's pieces of art? THEY'D KILL TO TOUCH HIS WOOD! Hehehehe… what? Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to say that joke?

I've never been over fascinated with the puppet master jutsu, the puppets themselves yes but the jutsu no. Even when Sasori was fighting lady Chio and Sakura I found the technique a little annoying… or maybe it was just because Sakura was on my screen for a prolonged period of time and all I could think about how hell bending-ly annoying she is! … either way, I'm not a fan.

"Alright Ketsu, I think we got all the fuckin pouches" Hida says while wiping the blood of his hands onto his trousers. I nod, copying his wiping action though I will have to wait until later to get it from under my nails. "We should head back, Yuki isn't strong enough to fight on her own if she gets attacked and I'd like to be the one to murder the rat" I sigh. Running my sticky fingers through my hair. We leave quickly, taking off into the trees.

Hidan follows my lead staying close while snarling about how he doesn't wanna go back and put up with Yuki.

"I'm just sayin' we just escaped 3 yaoi fangirls and now we're fuckin willingly going to a shittin yaoi fangirl. I don't fuckin care if she is our team mate it's still fuckin crap" the zealot snarls in annoyance makin me laugh "I know it sucks cock but we're a team, After this round we aren't going to have to put up with her for a month so just try and deal with it for now, Kay?" I smile back at him softly making him sigh "fine fuck face, just fuckin fine" he mumbles to which I giggle. Must. Resist. Hida-Kitty…. Nope can't do it "Whose a good Hida-Kitty? You are!" His face runs through an emotional rollercoaster. First his cheeks burn up with his mouth dropping open before his features twist into confusion and then annoyance. "Ketsu… When this is fuckin _over I'm going to kill you_, your going to scream till your lungs give out!" he snarls and I can stop the next comment as much as I try "Oh Hida-nii, your such a pervert wanting to make me scream" I purr with a wink. His face burns up the most prominent crimson I've ever had the pleasure of seeing as a trail of blood spurts from his nose rocketing him backwards. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, MISSION EMBARRASS HIDA ROCKS! _His face was bloody priceless!_

He soon catches up while wiping his nose on his arm. I smile sweetly at him and he pouts, HE'S POUTING! … Fuck it's… cute… CUTE AS IN BROTHER… I'M NOT SOME PERVERT…I don't think … fuck it, fuck it, FUCK IT! Fuck you Hida for being cute! I feel a small rush of blood to my cheeks that I try to deter though I know it's futile… WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE!?

I snap my head forward to protect myself from Hida's pouting kitten face, my insides clenching a little… dammit, stupid Hida's stupid plan making me feel bloody awkward, this sucks cock.

When we finally make it back to Yuki she's sun bathing… SHE HAS NO SELF PRESERVATION! Her amber eyes light up "About time you yaoi boys got back, I'm booored!' She whines to which I glare "how stupid are you? Who in their right mind LAYS ABOUT IN PLAIN SIGHT FOR THE ENEMY TO SEE AND KILL!?" I snarl. She rolls her eyes at me "It's just a test, no one is actually trying to kill each other here I mean come on Junketsu-Kun~" I grab her shirt pulling her off the floor and holding her up "This is a small scale version of war. If the enemy sees you they WILL take you out. How childish just because it's a test no one will take it seriously, at the end of the day you are from another village, you are the enemy" I hiss lowly, my words packed with a dangerous venom… I'm beginning to loose patience with her…

He eyes stare into mine, a spark of panic lighting them up in the most delightful way and her breathing becoming more jagged. Behind me I hear Hidan laugh manically "Be fuckin careful bitch, fuck face showed his true colours to some Suna bitches, sensei's taught him some scary shit" He purrs and I feel a small shot of pride rush up my spine from his words. I release Yuki and she drops to the thinly dispersed glass beneath, her body shivering. I've had enough of fuckin about. If she isn't going to act like a shinobi I will dispose of her. I hold her gaze for another moment, promising her death if she doesn't buck up and act as a kunoichi. I'm not a baby sitter.

I turn my gaze away from her and pull out our map as well as the one we found on the suna team… they're completely different, most likely showing another part of the forest, the only similarities being the crappy drawing of a jagged thing and the strange markings along the top… How useful… fuck my life… I guess we're going to have to head to the jagged thing… I'm so excited I could puke…

* * *

**AN:/: I BEG YOU DON'T KILL ME FOR THE LATE UPDATE! i was poorly, I mean seeing pink dancing elephants and puking kinda poorly so I physically couldn't write, but i'm all better now so can go back to updating like usual now so I beg you, PLEASE DO NOT MURDER ME, I JUST GOT BETTER!**

**OK, now i'm don't groveling for your forgiveness... i'm going to go nurse my wounded pride for begging for forgiveness then write!**


	34. Sassy Rabbits Assessment

**Chapter 34: Sassy Rabbits Assessment**

I really don't like this feeling… It's like we're being watched… The other two don't seem to have noticed so I think I'm just paranoid, I wouldn't be surprised if it was only Yuki who hadn't noticed but meaning Hidan hasn't I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is genuine or if I'm just imagining the faint blood lust… I think I might have finally snapped and started down the road of insanity… joy…

Kuri is unnaturally quiet and has been since Hida and I returned from my little _anger management_ session with Suna, I mean she hasn't made so much as a peep… I'm actually a little worried that she isn't shouting and calling me a gaki or a pretty boy and threatening to cause me bodily harm… She's just following, pulling up the rear while Hida and Yuki flank me from either side. In fact the entire team is quiet… I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse, at least I don't have to listen to Yuki whine about yaoi or that she's tired or that we're taking this too seriously… If I had to listen to that for the rest of today I would consider murdering her and stringing her up with her own intestine… yeah, You can't tell that she annoys the living shit outta me in the slightest… nope… okay maybe I'm a little cranky but who wouldn't be in the presence of the queen on annoying. EVEN WHEN SHE'S SILENT SHE'S ANNOYING IF THAT IS EVEN POSSIBLE!

The day has been long and I can tell from the feel of their chakra that all three of my comrades are exhausted, hell I'm not faring best, what I wouldn't give to curl up in a warm bed with my Hida hot water bottle, unfortunately we have another day after this so theres no cosy bed… I'm beginning to hate the chunin exams… WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS UNHOLY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN?! … To keep a promise and to avoid more medical training with kaa-san… urgh… I'd rather dance naked through the hidden leaf village screaming how youthful I am than do more lessons with kaa-san… guy might even join in… that is just disturbing… I NEED BRAIN SOAP! Kaa-san is scarier than Kushina and Anko in a bad mood COMBINED! … Maybe Kaa-san is what their love child would be? On second thought that yuri pairing turns my stomach with pure unadulterated terror, NEVER! Tou-san must be a brave man to bed her, she could and would rip it off if she was pissed off… maybe she's ripped it off before but reattached it with medical ninjutsu…urgh… woman are scary… yep, totally going to be A-sexual for the safety of my urr, sensitive bits. DON'T JUDGE MY INABILITY TO SAY PE… PEI… _**DAMMIT!**_ …Fuck I've gone on a tangent, _again_… stupid random brain, how I'm not jibbering about horny bloody unicorns and sperm whales that fart pop tarts and shit rainbows is a mystery to me…

We've made up a fair amount of ground, that may or may not of had something to do with me threatening to poison them if we didn't pass , what? It motivated them to run faster and cover more ground than we usually would… I'm so good to them, besides I was jokin… sort of…

I begin to slow down; Hidan, Yuki and Kuri noticing and alter their pace until we come to a stop and we descend to the ground.. "I think we should stop for now to rest, We can't fight if we're completely exhausted" Hidan smirks tiredly before releasing a relieved sigh "was fuckin hoping you were gunna say that, I could sleep for a fuckin week" Kuri is breathing slightly harder than usual but seems in better nick than Yuki who is sprawled out on the floor breathing harshly and near dripping with sweat. She really needs to put more time into her training. Even Sakura in Unleashed was better than this and she was completely useless!

"Kuri and I will take first watch, Hida you take the second, Yuki watch 3" I state firmly and the others nod. While Hidan and Yuki make themselves comfortable on the ground, I take a spot in the trees so that I can have a better view of the surrounding area, Kuri taking a near by branch. The chestnut furred she-rabbit in question is sitting on the very edge of the branch, her left ear flopping the way it does while staring out into the darkness.

The night is cold as the other two go to sleep, having hidden their sleeping arrangement from plain sight. The darkness is oppressively quiet, the only sound being my own breathing and the odd shuffle from Hidan or Yuki.

"Hey Kuri?" I ask softly, voice barely a whisper so as not to wake Hida or Yuki. I hear her shift, the soft scraping of her claws against the bark "what gaki?" She questions in a voice matching my own softness though there is an underlying timid-ness which catches me a little off guard. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE BIG EARED DEMON RAT!? I drag my eyes in her direction, catching the shine of her honey amber eyes as they stare at me. I can't stop the sigh that escapes my lips "there's something up with you… I ain't usually the type to pry but your kinda freakin me out with the silent treatment" I mumble, as I quickly survey the area in the darkness and sending out my senses to feel for chakra or blood… I get the feeling of the creatures of the forest but nothing with a notable chakra. "Your different" comes the she rabbits reply and I pause in my searching "Different?" I mumble more to myself than to her… How am I different? I feel more or less the same, a little less restrained after my epiphany and a little weird after my actions but I'm assuming that's normal after realising you only care about one person and that you don't give a shit about anyone else and would hack through countless people without feeling hateful of your actions… I think… that is normal right?

"Before you went to find Hidan you were fine… but when you returned your chakra wasn't the same, it didn't feel right… like a completely different person, more intense… more violent… I've never seen chakra change that fast" I stare at where I can make out her shape, her honey eyes burrowing into me holding a look of confusion, worry and most of all… fear.

To me, my chakra feels the same, it's that same warm presence coloured pale lavender which whirls around my body like my blood, they're practically one and the same…

"I guess I'm a little weird, but then again you even said when we met that my chakra was weird, maybe this is normal for my chakra" I mumble, not even convincing myself… I'm silently worrying about what the fuck is wrong with me, maybe my theory about my chakra marking me out as different is actually right… WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A SMART ASS!? If my crappy little theory is right I could become a target due to my unique chakra, or worse I'll receive unwanted attention from the Voldemort of the Naruto universe, Orochi-pedo snake is obsessed with the weird and wonderful and I'd like to stay of his child abduction hit list thank you very much, god knows what he does to young boys in the dead of night… urgh… I've read too many non-con OroSasu in my time… they are the only time I feel sympathy for SasUKE duck butt, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, _**I HATE HIM!**_ The snake makes my skin crawl. Fact!

I can tell from the pregnant silence that she doesn't believe the horse shit that has escaped my mouth but it's the only explanation I can give her that doesn't involve explaining the little web of conspiracy I'm building in my head and so I don't have to have the 'I've been reborn into this world which is actually the figment of some creepers imagination' conversation with a talking rabbit… seriously, what is my life coming to? I'm having a conversation… with a bob-tailed rat… My life sucks cock.

We sit in silence for what seems like eternity before I hear her exasperated sigh "Alright pretty boy… you're a complete gaki but you've _obviously no idea_ what is going on with your chakra either so lets just forget it" she drawls, putting particular definition in the obviously no idea part, spitting in my face the fact that I'm keeping secrets… if she's not spitting in Hidan's face for real she's spitting in mine with sass and sarcasm… I'm oddly proud and hateful all at once, I don't know if I wanna sass right back or punch her right in the usually smug face.

The conversation is muted after that, her disappearing to go and survey the perimeter of our secret camp while I keep an eye on my sleeping comrades

* * *

**AN:/:**

**Hello, this is late, please don't beat me! 0.0 I ripped this chapter apart like 6 times and i'm still not happy with it but i'm happier than I was 6 over halls ago so yeah, SORRY! but the next chapter will go up back on my normal updating plan (Tuesday's for the guest who asked which day I update)**


	35. Hida's Watch

**Chapter 35: Hida's Watch: **

My watch drags on for what feels like millennia, I swear to whatever sadistic demon is torturing my existence decided to slow time for shits and giggles, so the second my watch is over I'm down the tree sneaking up on Hida… the bastard sleeps like the dead but fortunately I've devised a cunning plan… mwahahahahahahah!

Silently slinking from my post towards the sleeping zealot's hidden position I find him curled up, nose buried in his arms and mumbling incoherent things in his sleep… _holy hell he looks cute_, all snuggled up like a cat… HIDA-KITTY STRIKES AGAIN! The guy is really not doing a good job of convincing me he isn't a cat. What I'd do for a camera right now.

The idea of waking him up the way I was fizzles out and I find myself by his side, gently shaking his shoulder "Hida… Hida-nii… come on you ass-hole, don't make me resort to my evil plan" I receive an incoherent mumble and a sleepy whining noise "Hida-nii, un-snuggle or I'll borrow Yuki's camera and take pictures of your cute snuggling!' I moan, I just wanna sleep so the bastard better wake up or I'll use a water jutsu on his sorry ass as an alarm clock!

I receive a near purring sound as a slither of magenta becomes visible "You think I'm cute?" comes his slurred mumble before I'm suddenly pulled forward into a death grip of a hug, the not-so-chibi Jashinist pulling me in close before burying his face in my shoulder, the action putting me off balance so I end up straddling his hips… Jashin… if your real, do me a solid and keep Yuki asleep… "I think you're cute too" He mumbles while breathing deeply against my shoulder and releasing a contented sigh. I can't stop the shiver which tears it's way through my body… This is so painfully awkward, I'm still not over his stupid anti yaoi fangirl kissing plan… THE SHAME OF IT ALL! The memory causes my cheeks to erupt with fire-like heat, _stupid blood vessels directing blood against my will!_ **PLEASE** DON'T LET YUKI WAKE UP!

"Hida-ass hole, le'go" I whisper, trying to sound annoyed but I'm pretty sure it came out more like a whine, Something is _seriously_ wrong with me, has Yuki drugged me or somthin dodgy?! Don't tell me she's created gay pills that she's slipping in my food makin things more awkward than they should be… Jashin help the male population if she ever decides to become a medic nin… it'd be the end of the world! I can almost imagine the NaruSasu fangirls screaming their lungs out when their kiss at the academy developed into them fuckin each other over the desk… STUPID FEMALE BRAIN! _**WHY WAS I REBORN AS A BOY IF I HAVE A FEMALE MIND SET!?**_ Jashin is totally fuckin with me, sadistic barstard…

I feel Hidan shift beneath me so that I'm staring into sleepy magenta, his pupils blown and taking over most of his eye. His usually messy hair fanning out around his head like a silver halo… fuck it, maybe Yuki is giving _**him**_ gay drugs giving him the stupid ideas like kissing me as a distraction! I might have to start checkin his food, just to be sure.

"Ketsu, I'll be back for you when my watch is over" is all the mumbled sleepy warning I get before I'm span so I'm flat on my back beneath him, the thin bedding beneath me warm where Hidan once lay while he stares down at me with a soft smile "Stay put"

suddenly unable to force words past my lips I simply nod. Hida smiles a little more before untangling himself from me and shifting the bedding so I'm tucked away and hidden before disappearing, the faint creak of a nearby tree indicating his position…That… was weird… Did I just get tucked in by Hidan? Did I just imagine that? Fuck I must be seriously tired to think he'd do something so… gentle… Yeah, he has his moments but he's not the kinda guy to tuck someone into a bed… his bed… and _he didn't even __**swear**_… I'm hallucinating, must be, no matter what Hidan swears, his first word was most likely 'Fuck' … I'm too tired to think… Just, screw it all… I can't be bothered any more, his bed is warm and it smells nice… taking a deep breath against the bedding I can distinctively pick up Hidan's scent and my eye lids feel like lead… comfy…

…

…

…

…

…

…

I feel a soft flitter against my side that makes my body shiver as my brain pulls me out of the peaceful blackness I hadn't even realised I'd fallen into. Slowly my senses picking up the warmth pressing against my back and the slow and delicate movement against my clothed ribcage drawing peculiar patterns. I breathe in an exhausted sigh against the sheets to be greeted with that familiar scent that lulled me into sleep in the first place. I feel my brain kick itself into gear finally and listen to those whispers of the blood in the body behind me, I must be dreamin… there is no way in hell that I am, for lack of a better term… spooning… with Hidan… there's just no fuckin way. I hear a hum of contentment near me shoulder "Your awake" comes that tell tale voice as the patterns being traced on my side momentarily cease movement before continuing their aimless tracing. "mmm… unfortunately" I mumble, my brain still heavily fogged by the veil of sleep as I press my back against his chest, seeking out his heat. How the guy is constantly warm is a mystery to me but right now I'm very appreciative of his unnatural warmth as I feel it seep from his skin into mine. I find my brain wandering from coherent thought and concentrating on the soothing patterns being drawn against my rib cage… spiral… flower… heart… Jashin symbol… I nearly giggle when I work that one out, the bastard has a one track mind.

There's warmth rippling against my neck, If I wasn't contented right now I'd tear him apart for waking me up, but I'm comfortable so I'll do it later… maybe this is how tou-san subdues kaa-san into not killing him, maybe how he even seduces her… WOAH! _Where the hell did that thought process come from?_ This is _**completely**_ different, tou-san and kaa-san are married for starters while Hida and I are best _friends_, not to mention that the ass hole and is in **NO WAY** trying to get into my pants, he's the straightest person I know, when he's older he's going to be the sadistic evil bad-ass Jashinist Akatsuki member and I think him being gay would have been obvious if he's constantly surrounded by the hottest guys in the anime, hell, he'd be infamous throughout the Akatsuki for wandering around the base with a boner due to all the fine ass there! Plus we're kids still, he's only 12, yeah he's a pervert but I'm pretty sure he's not that far along on the perversion scale. See? Completely different… this is friendly… this is NOT the same… this is, well… this is us… we're a weird pair so it's not surprising our friendship boundaries are a little warped too. This is friendship, a very close friendship…

As much as I know this is just friendship it does not stop my brain bitch slapping me into becoming acutely aware of the position I'm in while my blood whispers to me in an almost patronising way to explain what's going on. _CHALLENEGE ACCEPTED BLOOD!_ Our bodies pressed and melding together… **for warmth**…the gentleness of his voice… **so as not to disturb any near by enemy**… the patterns being traced into my ribs by careful and gentle fingers… **for comfort, maybe so I don't attack him while I was waking up thinkin he's an enemy**… the warm breath on my neck… for… for… **closeness?** … Ok, so that one is a little harder to explain away… I swear I can hear the whisper laughing at me…da fuck man! What kinda creepy voodoo shit is this? I'll grant you I listen to the whispers of my blood and the blood of others freely but it's always some sort of emotion or what I can only describe as the ocean kinda sound, never has blood laughed at me before… hell it's never coherent, only whispers of differing volume and tone… as if speaking a language I have no chance of understanding, besides I now speak 2 languages since my crappy rebirth into the Naruto universe, there is no chance I am learning another. Nope, nada, zip… why can't it be like the anime and have subtitles? English subtitles at that, that would have made life so much easier from day one!

I shift in the hidden bedding until I'm facing my hot water bottle of a friend, his body twisting to accommodate the new position as our limbs entwine comfortably, his arms pulling me closer until I'm firmly pressed against his chest. **Holy Satan he's warm! **_It's like being surrounded by fire!_

Magenta eyes look into mine, that sparkle seems to get brighter every time I look into them making those deep magenta pools shine like evening stars. Those eyes that tell me no lies… those eyes which are always sincere and warm… I would kill to keep those eyes exactly the way they are… those magnificent, unnaturally wonderful eyes, I could stare into them forever and never bore of the intensity of their brilliance.

"Hida?" I ask softly, unable to tear my gaze from his. "Yeah?" he hums, sounding slightly breathless as he pulls me slightly closer until our foreheads meet and I can see nothing but those magenta gems "I can't wait to be great with you" I whisper and smile as my eyelids once again becoming heavy with the desire to sleep, Hidan's scent and warmth lulling me into slumber once more.

As my vision blurs, I manage to make out the zealot's throaty chuckle beside my ear and feel his arms tighten once again around me "Good night, fuck face… sweet dreams"

* * *

**AN:/:**

**A little bit of sleepy fluff... I COULDN'T RESIST!**

**Yeah i'm alive, I have been mad ill recently, SCREW MY IMMUNE SYSTEM ANALLY WITH NO LUBE!**

**Also... I LOVE YOU! OVER 200 FOLLOWS! Junketsu loves you too!**


	36. Hidden In The Mist

**Chapter 36: Hidden In The Mist:**

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!" comes an ear shattering, sickly sweet squeal which can only belong to Yuki. That banshee war song sends alarm bells ringing in my head as my eyes snap open automatically to meet magenta, which look just as panicked as I feel. SHE CANNOT SEE THIS!

When I say this, I mean Hidan and myself curled up together in a tangle of limbs, huddled as close as we can humanly get to one another, my face buried into his chest and his arms curled around my back and hands resting on the base of my back. As if having the same idea we both pull back, bodies untangling and the heat created between us lost in the coldness of the early morning mist.

To say the least our untangling is NOT graceful, me near head-butting a tree and Hidan face planting the ground which would be funny if I wasn't busy trying to locate Yuki to make sure she hasn't seen anything to get the wrong idea…

"That was so cute… HIDAJUNKET FOREVER!" … _Just. Fuckin. Great_… I hate my life, seriously now… WHY!? I come face to face with a nosebleed volcano that was formally the female bane of my ninja career and a demon rabbit smirking at me like the devil himself… I bet my ass the demon rabbit led her here as revenge for me withholding information, I know a revenge smirk when I see one! I'LL KILL HER!

Hidan looks like a rabbit in the headlights and I'm pretty sure I'm no different from the smirk on the she rabbits face that seems to twist with a dark pleasure of our discomfort… THE BITCH SET ME UP! I thought summonings were supposed to be loyal to their summoners?! Of course I get the only summoning that has an issue with authority. Joy.

Hidan's rabbit in the head lights look twists into the dirtiest glare I have ever seen to grace his features, his magenta eyes taking on a feral quality as the corners of his lips curl into a sneer… I think I feel a headache coming on from the imminent bickering…

"GO FUCKIN DIE YOU WHORE OF A FANGIRL OR I SWEAR TO JASHIN I'LL SHITTING SACRIFICE YOU TO JASHIN-SAMA!" Hidan snarls like a rabid beast, grabbing his scythe and waving it around threateningly. Yuki doesn't seem to care one little bit and is running her mouth about yaoi.

Keep calm Junketsu…don't kill them… count to ten… _1, 2, 3~_

"I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE CUTE BUT THAT WAS JUST INSANE, I NEED TO MAKE COPIES OF THESE! I COULD SELL THEM TO OTHER YAOI FANS AND~"

_4, 5, 6~_

"I'LL FUCKIN RIP YOUR HEART OUT WITH MY BEAR HANDS AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR CUNT BITCH! YOU HEATHEN WHORE~"

_7, 8, 9~_

"THEN I CAN USE THE MONEY TO BUY A VIDEO CAMERA AND MAKE HIDAJUNKET YAOI MOVIES! EEEK!"

…Nope… I can't do it…

"Both of you… shut up" I growl quietly but it's enough to catch both their attentions. I'm the most mature member of this squad and I'm 5 years younger than them! It's still early and I want to kill one or even both of them. _They're going to be the death of my ninja career!_

My blood feels like acid in my veins, whispering angrily in its unknown language while pressing against my skin in an attempt to escape. I clamp down on my chakra in the cells to make sure my anger doesn't get the better of me, I've never had such an accident but I'm still young and apparently have anger issues, being a ninja can do that to you. I raise my hand to my face and massage the bridge of my nose as I take in the brief silence and tense atmosphere. "Yuki, If you dare bring up yaoi one more time during this exam I will personally make sure you don't live to reach the final exam" I hiss as I glare at her. Her body tenses under my gaze as she nods in silence. I can hear Hidan snigger and I snap my gaze to him, fixing him with a glare. "~ and Hidan, If you start another fight with Yuki during this exam… well, lets just say you don't want to know what I'll do to you… alright?" Hidan's sniggering dies down almost instantly and he nods. I'm really not a morning person at the best of times let alone after having a rude awakening… Kaa-San would be so proud of my self-restraint, once she had woken up enough not to murder me or use me as a teddy bear.

I take a few calming breaths in an attempt to wake up enough to not follow in Kaa-sans foot steps and use my team mates as target practice… they're no use to me dead… We just need to get through today, find an unknown forbidden object and avoid whatever the hell other plot twists the demonic tormentor of my life decides to throw at me and my squad, all the while staying alive so as to progress to the final exam… I should have killed them and dropped out… fuck it, maybe I'll kill myself instead and save myself the hassle of today… Ok, little sleep makes Junketsu an emo brat. Think happy thoughts… sultana cookies, BBQ, pranking Hidan, decapitating crazy eyed stuffed rabbits… aaahhh … I hated that stuffed rabbit…

Feeling my anger fade and my headache subside, I smile "Alrighty then, lets get this show on the road and pass this exam!" I cheer happily while Hidan and Yuki scare at me dumbfounded and I distinctly hear the demon rabbit mummer 'bipolar gaki'. Seriously, the rabbit is walking a thin line between breathing and swimming in gravy while encased in pastry today, seriously, what crawled up her bob-tailed ass and died?

We take off into the tree tops, navigating our way vaguely towards the one point on the map we can't decipher… if we're lucky, we'll find the bloody 'forbidden object' and make it out without another bloody mess. We're all tired but we're driven. Even Yuki isn't about to lie down and surrender her future.

"Are we there yeeeet? Junketsu-kun? How much longer is this going to take, my feet hurt and I wanna go home and~" Senbon slice through her pale blue hair and her eyes widen before dodging another attack. "The girl is rather loud, she lead us right to them" Comes a voice I hope my brain is confusing… no… THIS VILLAGE CANNOT BE FUCKIN SERIOUS!

Our team scatters to avoid another bombardment of weapons, this time shuriken, one narrowly missing my shoulder as I back flip out of harms way… that's when the mist comes into it's own, thickening and swirling with bloodlust; laced with chakra as it engulfs our surroundings, blinding us, choking off our sences…

That's when I lay eyes on him…. Must. Not. Fanboy… resist… you can do it Ketsu, just breathe and ~

"So you're the sorry excuse for ninja Yugakure sends us. Pathetic. Nothing but children playing ninja. What do you see in this team Kisame?" comes that all too fermiliar voice and the responding and slightly unhinged laugh makes my fanboy squealing needs go into overdrive… RESIST! "The purple haired kid is promising, the silver haired brat too… shame they're not from Kiri"

EEEK! KISAME'S BACK! I think I can die happy, not only is Kisame here but ZABUZA! I'm totally going to die but right now I don't give a flying bob-tailed rat. I LOVE THEM!

"Oh Hoshshigaki-san you charmer, we love you too" I giggle slightly in full fanboy mode, I HAD DONE SO WELL UNTIL NOW KEEPING THE CRAZY IN! "Momochi-san, you're cool too but big blue and bad ass wins the awesome trophy, sorry tall dark and sadistic, maybe next year" … I think Kuri rat face may have had a point about the bipolar, or at least some mental disorder that needs diagnosing and a prescription of potent drugs to restrain this fanboying before I turn into a Yuki… urgh, **I'LL DIE BEFORE I GO AROUND SQUEALING LIKE A BANSHEE ON PROZACK! **Hell, if I started that shit Hidan would sacrifice me to Jashin! No thank you, gimme the drug prescription every time!

Kisame's distinctive chuckle ripples the mist with what I can reliably report to be the largest and most potent chakra I have ever had the pleasure of feeling. "hehehe, So I'm cooler than Zabuza… I think I might like you kid" he hisses in delight while I hear a distinct growl near by which is a pretty good indication I've hurt Zabuza's sensitive feelings. Oopsie! I just gotta keep them talkin until I can pinpoint their locations with my Blood affinity. Knowing their direction is good but knowing exactly where they are is better.

I can feel Hidan about a meter away, his blood whispering in agitation, most likely trying to work out the mist jonin's locations but having little luck. I feel another slightly fermilliar chakra a little to my left and can hear heavy breathing indicating Yuki is there, there's no way Zabu-san or Kisa-san would be caught dead letting their guard down even around little upstarts like us, However our team has the advantage as I know about them and their styles and even some of their arsenal! THANK THE NARUTO OFFICIAL CHARACTER PROFILING BOOK AND NARUTOPEDIA FOR ALL YOUR SECRETS!

I can deduct from those statistics and mentions in the anime that Kisame has the largest chakra reserves of the seven swordsmen so can safely say that the larger chakra is Kisa's who is closest to Hidan which tells me that the chakra in the mist is Zabuza's and is the smaller and the one several meters in front. The silent killing technique uses the Hidden Mist technique where the user makes themselves invisible via creating mist or utalising existing mist and tracking their prey by sound alone… We can do this, we can escape… we'll never win in a direct confrontation but we can run… as long as we don't get caught in the water prison jutsu or escape into water.

"Oi, Hida, Yuki… I want you guys to go ahead, the proctor said we didn't need to complete the exercise together to pass and~"

"NO SHITTIN WAY FUCK FACE! I AIN'T LEAVING YA HERE TA~" Hidan snarls as his blood whispers in panic.

"SHUT IT HIDAN! You will do what I say, you and Yuki go ahead. Have a little faith in me and keep Yuki safe, Kuri you're with me. Get goin already"

Kuri's by my side in a heartbeat, reared on her hind legs. Apparently even in a crappy mood as she has been since this morning, she's still willing to help me out, guess she's more loyal than I gave her credit for.

I hear Yuki mumble somthin along the lines of 'Catch us up soon Junketsu-kun' as she makes a retreat to take the longer way round followed by the more hesitant steps of Hidan "You better have a fuckin plan, we've got a promise so don't fuck up" he warns and follows Yuki away.

"That wasn't a bright idea kid, sending your team mates away to face us alone with nothing but a rabbit, your either stupid or suicidal" Zabuza's rough voice mocks me while I breathe a couple deep breathes… lets hope this works…

"I'd say a little of both actually, though if I'm bein honest I'd say I have a preference to suicidal tendencies" I reply, listening to their blood to tell me their positions while feeling out their chakra for fluctuations to tell me if they try to perform a jutsu

_**LEEEETS GET READY TO RUUUUMBLE!**_

* * *

**AN:/:**

**Long time no update... PLEASE DON'T MURDER ME *cowers behind keyboard* I GOT GROUNDED AND SHIT HAPPENS AND I'M SORRY!**

**if it makes you feel better the next chapter is already written due to my grounding so it'll be up as soon as I can make it back to the library (yay)**


	37. Fighting Dirty

**Chapter 37: Fighting Dirty:**

The air ripples with blood lust as the chakra laced mist coats the world in a white haze, smothering the senses like a thick blanket as the 3 shinobi prepare to face off. 2 of the legendary 7 swordsmen verses Junketsu Maaka, genin, the kid is screwed. The silence between them deafening as adrenaline rushes the genins system like a tsunami.

The breeze faltered and kunai lash out through the cover of the mist, gliding into thin air as the purplnette back flips away, pinkish-red eyes closed, face contorted in concentration as he continuously sends out his senses to feel for chakra spikes and listening for the constant yet elusive whisper of blood which swirls and hisses with anticipation of blood shed.

Without question these men, no, these demonic beasts that classify, as Jonin weren't letting their guard down even for a lowly genin.

'Fuck my shittin life, _why_ did I think this was a _good_ idea again?!' Junketsu mentally cursed while twisting sideways to avoid an executioners blade taller than himself slashing through his side, his summoning hot on his heels, kicking Zabuza in the head with her powerful legs causing him to pop into water as the clone jutsu was broken. The burst of chakra from the breaking of the jutsu momentarily confusing his senses before he recovers to slide under a sweeping Samehada and slit the massive shark jonin across the abdomen to be rewarded with another pop and being splattered with water.

"The kid's better than I thought, being able to evade as fast as this. I think I'm starting to see what you find so interesting Kisame~" the bandaged mist shinobi commented as his blade missed lopping of Junketsu's head off by mere centimetres by dropping into a crouch and twirling out of slashing distance with the practiced grace of a cat. "~Though he's doing nothing but prolonging the inevitable by only using defence and evasion"

The answering manic chuckle of the blue skinned shinobi ripples through the mist "I think this one could be more interesting than you give him credit for, Zabuza. You've never faced off against a Maaka so wouldn't understand"

Junketsu tences slightly at that 'shit, shit, SHIT! I'M TOAST! OF ALL THE ROTTEN FUCKIN LUCK TO HAVE, HE'S FACED OFF WITH A MEMBER OF MY STUPID CLAN!? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the boys mind screeches spitefully, acutely aware of the movement of chakra behind him as he twists just in time to narrowly dodge samehada's scaled tip.

* * *

Right now I think I'm giving the Olympic gymnasts a run for their fuckin money considering how much time I've spent twisting to evade these friggin swords, I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD BEND AT SUCH UNNATURAL ANGLES! And here I thought Hida was the kitty! I guess I should thank Kaa-san and Usagi-sensei for all their helpful child abuse!

I officially have the worst luck in all the shinobi nations, the bastard of a god who is fuckin with my existence is determined to kick me in the balls so hard I might become a girl again, well, FUCK YOU TOO JASHIN YOU ASSHOLE!…. I'm totally going to die for that aren't I? Shit. Seriously, you couldn't write the cluster fuck that is my life, Kisame's faced a Makka, of course he's faced a fuckin Makka, the village that hates kekeigenkai is going to murder me the second he dobs me in, if I live that long, for all I know he's going to behead me and parade my dismembered corpse through Kiri… I can see it now and can practically hear my fathers' whiney sobs of 'WHY MY CHILD, DADDIES BOY!' … I'll hear him from the pits of hell… fuck it, better to hear his whining than EVER have to see him shake his booty again in public, I'll die of embarrassment!

I don't have the chakra reserves, arsenal or level of training to do anything cool and I ain't stupid enough to just wing it and come out alive; yeah not everyone is the jinchuriki of the nine tailed fox with tonnes of chakra, a signature A rank jutsu to spam and so much dumb luck it's laughable! Some people have the desire to see tomorrow unlike a certain dumb blonde knucklehead!

All I have to say is _THANK FUCK FOR TACTICS!_ I swear I could marry whoever came up with Narutopedia, the detailed information on the characters that I may or may not have memorised because I was cool *cough*** obsessive ***cough* like that is saving my friggin ass!

Narrowly missing being split down the middle by Zabuza's big ass sword, I finally start my plan, PLEASE, WHATEVER ASSHOLE OF A GOD IS WATCHING ME, LET THIS WORK OR I'M GOING TO BE JUNKETSUSHI!

* * *

Zabuza's blade silently sweeps through the air trying to slice the mist-blinded genin in his sights only for the child to dodge or twirl out the way with such ease the demon is questioning how this kid is only a genin. The water clones of the to Jonin pop whenever they get to close to the small genin who attacks them without hesitation, aiming for throats and other fleshy kill spots in easy reach of his small stature. The conditions are zero visibility; which surprises the Jonin that the purplnette boy isn't overly bothered, hell, the child has his eyes closed!

Kisame smiles sharply, the kid is tracking them somehow, a technique he's never experienced in other Makka he's faced. The thought that the boy was a sensory type shinobi briefly flits across his thoughts but it's clear its more than that, a sensory ninja doesn't keep their eyes closed throughout a battle "Your interesting kid, but we've got to finish this" the shark ninja near purrs, appearing behind the boy and bringing his blade down, not planning on killing but maybe a near fatal wound wouldn't go amiss.

The child doesn't have time to evade and the scaled blue blade of samehada makes contact with his shoulder...

...

… a poof of smoke erupts from the boys body and Kisame earns himself a nasty thwack from a small furry back paw as a small but pissed off looking rabbit easily bounces around the massive blade and aims for the sharks face. "STUPID FISH FACE! YOU CUT MY BEAUTIFUL BOBTAIL!" The rabbit hisses in a way that should only be possible of snakes, eyes alight with pure unadulterated fury. Both Jonin stare where once there was a boy, both becoming alert… but not fast enough due to the distraction of a pissed off rabbit.

The sudden pain of senbon burying themselves into flesh from the mist catches both jonin unaware, earning a growl from Zabuza and a curse from the shark.

From in the mist a soft chuckling whispers through, giving away the boys position "I can't believe that actually worked!" Junketsu cheered coming out of hiding with an all to smug smirk plastering his face like a cat that got the canary and the cream.

Zabuza hisses pulling out the Senbon from his shoulder and throwing the metal needle to the ground. "don't get cocky just because you landed a hit, one measely Senbon won't save you"

The boy simply smiles brighter, exposing too many teeth while bloody pink eyes gleam in a predaroty way, these mannerisms coming together to look unhinged "Actually, it will… your asses are mine if you want the antidote, kay tall dark and sadistic? Kay"

* * *

I. AM. A. _**GENIUS!**_ I can feel my mouth has twisted into a painfully large smile as adrenaline rushesmy system like a euphoric natural high! I AM AMAZEBALLS!

Being the brilliant little ninja I am, I used their own jutsu against them. The hidden mist jutsu creates a mist screen that reduces visibility to zero, meaning I can't see them and they can't see me and to track me they must use sound via the silent killing technique, throughout the battle I kept Kuri by my side the entire time, her paws matching my foot falls. Using the mist as cover I remained stationary as Kuri transformed into a copy of me and lead them away waiting for the moment to strike. I then received the signal of Kuri's chakra dispelling the jutsu to escape certain death and used the confusion to attack, using my poisoned senbon. I kept Kuri mainly out of the fight deliberately so that they would forget about her, she's a forgettable little rat so it didn't take too long. MWAHAHAHAHA! I AM THE GREAT JUNKETSU! BOW BEFORE MY GREATNESS! I think my ego is going to blow from all the self stroking… that just sounded so wrong… NOT TIME CREEPY BRAIN OF PERVERSE TANGENTS! NO SELF-STROKING, **NO SELF-STROKING! **_**ARGH! **__**I CAN'T GET IT OUTTA MY HEAD!**_

Draggin my brain out of the gutter I look at the to Jonin before me, the signs of the poison at work helplessly displayed and I can't stop the throb of pride that runs through me.

"Taxus Baccata has red seeds which are highly toxic. In humans it causes those affected to have difficulty breathing, muscle tremors and convulsions until they collapse, eventually leading to cardiac arrest if left untreated" I purr, watching as they desperately try to breathe normally and fail miserably and how their limbs quiver in the effort of standing. "I have a question and you will answer, in return I'll give you the antidote" I smile sweetly at them, it's not like they have a choice if they value their lives. I can see the beginnings of convulsions in Zabuza as his chest spasms with every ragged breathe, his eyes set in a death glare that if looks could kill, I'd be torn limb from limb. Kisame on the other hand is faring better and is actually smirking at the situation, looking thoroughly amused by the notion that a genin is holding his life ransom and is in the position to do so. I would be too in his position, it's not every day you get out smarted by a 7 year old.

"So what is it you want kid?" Kisame asks, breathing laboured and muscles shuddering helplessly against the toxins flowing in his veins, I can almost hear the blood trying to fight off the toxins but to no avail. I smile "I want to know where I can find the forbidden objects so I can pass this exam" I state and 2 pairs of eyes lock on me in confusion "that's all you want, you've got 2 of the most dangerous shinobi in the hidden mist at your mercy and you want directions to pass the exam?" Zabuza asks, staring at me like I've grown a second head. I turn my eyes to him "As much as I'd love to use this situation to my advantage, this exam is my mission and the mission comes before my own desires, no matter how much I hate it… though it doesn't stop me having braggin rights that I won a fight against 2 of the seven swordsmen at 7 years old, that's got to be kind of embarrassin for the demon of the hidden mist who murdered a graduation class of academy students before he was even enrolled, to be beaten by an over achievin brat, I almost have sympathy for your bruised ego… almost" I think I have a death wish, WHY CAN'T I SHUT MY COCKY MOUTH BEFORE IT GETS ME IN TROUBLE! Noooo, I just have to mouth off to a man who looks like he now wants to rip my head off and shit down my neck. Stupid faulty brain mouth filter is on the blink again!

I hear a muffed chuckle which soon turns into a full on fit of laughing madness from Kisame who looks tickled pink by my Zabuza bashing "you're a sharp tongued kid aren't you, weren't lying about suicidal tendencies since if Zabuza has his way you're dead" he chuckles, sharp teeth glinting, the mist fading rapidly around us. "You want to know where the 'forbidden object' is? Fine, information for antidote." He smiles dangerously. "Your map shows a sharp-waved marking which I'm assuming you've worked out as where you should head, it's about 4 miles away in the direction of you team, you'll know it when you see it" His pulse is slow, either he's a really good liar or he's telling the truth.

I find myself believing him, if it was Zabuza I wouldn't believe a word but Kisame is a different creature entirely, he may not tell the complete truth but there is always some truth to his words. I also trust the dirty look Zabuza is shooting my favourite blue shark-man which practically screams 'you told him the truth?!'. I run my fingers up my shorts leg, pulling out 2 small vials of antidote in easy use Hypodermic syringes from the bandage around my thigh that holds them in place out of sight. "Thank you for your cooperation Hoshigaki-san, I hope we can speak again without a cranky demon glaring holes into my skull" I chirp happily, tossing them both at the blue mist ninja who shakily catches them. The antidotes will take a few minutes to kick in so at least I'll have time to get a head start if Zabuza decides to come after me in revenge.

Without hesitation I head off in the direction of my team with Kuri trailing behind, hoping to find them before anyone else does, I really can't be bothered with another fight right now and knowing my bad luck they're stiring up an ass load of troublesome shit I'm going to have to sort. Jashin, do me a solid and go on a long holiday for the rest of these exams, pretty please?

* * *

_**AN:/:**_

_**New Chapter AHOY!**_

_**It's late, I know, but do you have any idea how hard it is to fend off old people at my library? No? IT'S FUCKIN HARD MAN!**_

_**anyways, hope you like the update!**_


	38. The Forbidden Object

**Chapter 38: The forbidden Object**

The rabbit and I practically fly through the trees to catch up to Hidan and Yuki, pumping chakra into the soles of my feet all the while, which for the love of all things unholy is _**fuckin exhausting! **_When this is all over I want a deep relaxing bath with bubbles and candles… what? _**DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!**_ I BET EVEN _OROCHIMARU_ ENJOYS THE OCASIONAL BUBBLE BATH WITH SCENTED CANDLES AND BATH SALTS! … I can see it now, the creepy snake sitting in a bubble bath shaving his legs and singin along to Cindi Lauper's girls just wanna have fun while a pink rubber duck bobs in the water… please, save me from my own mind…

My muscles are screaming from all the gymnastics and my chakra reserves depleted from all the chakra I had to use to enhance my movements to avoid being torn into tiny bits by the tailless tailed beast Kisame and the demon of the hidden mist Zabuza. In short, I'M FUCKIN _KNACKERED!_ However there's no rest for the wicked and I'm passing this exam even if I have to kill every other team to do so!

We run in relative silence, hoping to holy hell that we're not intercepted before we can reach our destination, I don't think I could put up much of a fight with so little chakra left.

It's several minutes before I spot the tell tale silver hair of Hidan standing in a clearing not too far ahead and I feel a small rush of chakra allowing me to run that bit faster, light blue hair showing Yuki is with him, FINALLY! I exit the treetops and descend to the ground~

Everything seems to slow down as I approach and they seem to get further away the faster I run to reach them.

**What. The. HELL?!**

The world swirls and distorts as my movement stops; my body freezing in place, unable to so much as twitch my fingers. I can do nothing but watch as Hidan and Yuki scream. There's blood and the unmistakable grinding of bones as they twist and snap… 2 bodies hitting the ground with a heavy thud. The view makes it impossible to stop my voice calling out for them but no sound leaves my lips for they cannot move, my voice just as paralysed as the rest of me. I can't feel their chakra, I can't hear their blood, I can't hear my own blood…

Red pools around their unmoving forms, still and silent as the world around me shatters leaving only their twisted bodies, sharp bones poking out of crimson painted skin… the blood swirls gleefully, leaving morbid patterns in its wake as it twirls closer, closing the gap between me and it before the familiar liquid begins to climb my leg, still warm from the lifeless bodies before me. Slowly the blood twists itself around my body, covering my nose and mouth and clawing it's way into my lungs, feeling like liquid fire as I drown… It's a familiar feeling… I remember it so clearly… The feeling of helplessness as I splutter and gurgle in the struggle to breathe…I feel almost nostalgic in a twisted kind of way, I almost want to do it again… to escape the guilt… _this is all my fault_…

Please… please Hida, your not allowed to die yet, you've got to grow up and become an Akatsuki member… it's my fault~

…

A burst of chakra rocks through my system and I gasp helplessly as my senses are kicked into gear, the scene once before me disappearing into a haze and the call of a familiar blood grounds me before I abruptly begin to cough, sucking air into my burning lungs like it's going outta fashion "What just~" I breathlessly ask in confusion and my blood hisses in my veins. I feel relief wash over me… I am such an idiot… genjutsu, of course. What a fucking rookie mistake!

"You alright Junketsu-kun?" Yuki asks from my left, her hand still on my shoulder, apparently from when she released the gen. "Yeah… I think" I mumble, my senses feeling for an enemy but find nothing. "fuckin hell fuck face, you scared the living shit outta us, the entire bloody area is booby trapped with all sorts of creepy shit. Musta got caught by one" he states matter-O-factly. I smile at him slightly "Okay, Who are you and what have you done with my bone head team mate" I giggle as he smiles "Fuck you Ketsu"

Yuki's hand finally recedes from my shoulder… I didn't know she knew how to break genjutsu, tou-san hasn't taught me any more to build on what I learnt at the academy since he's been too busy trying to hone my kekeigenkai. It occurs to me that, as much as I moan about Yuki's lack of kunoichi behaviours, I don't actually know what she's capable of. She was pretty average in the academy but she apparently shined during kunoichi classes. To break a genjutsu that felt so real, she must have some talent with genjutsu. MY GOD! SHE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A TALLENT THAT ISN'T YAOI! If she could hone this possible talent, she might actually be _useful!…_ that is one scary thought!

"Thanks" I smile thinly with a nod of thanks to which she giggles and smiles a million watt smile which makes my blood run cold in silent horror… **MY EYES!** IT'S A _GUY_ SMILE, COMPLETE WITH OVER THE TOP SPARKLE! IT'S CONTAGIOUS! If she does a thumbs-up at me I swear I'm running away!

"Soo, I'm assuming we're close to our target from the traps and meaning I suck cock at any genjutsu above basic, I vote sticking together in case we trigger a trap, sound like a plan?" I ask, not willing to admit that I just might cry like the little kid I am if I ever see that particular image again. I never want to see that ever again… I can't even begin to process that right now, the image of Hidan's twisted body laying motionless on the ground… he's going to be immortal some day, I just need to keep him alive long enough for him to figure it out… I may be waiting some time…It wasn't real and yet it felt too real… Itachi was right when he referred to genjutsu as painless pain. Who ever came up with genjutsu either needs a punch for being so sadistic or to be applauded for creating something so real… personally I'm angling to punch the sick bastard! I. HATE. GENJUTSU!

The other 2 nod in agreement, most likely having witnessed something as horrific when they worked out their little booby-trapped theory, Satan knows what would be scary enough to make Hidan agree to standing within a meter of Yuki without loosing his temper or trying to maim her, he even looks a little pale, I probably do too though Yuki seems to fair a little better… Yeah, we need to explore this genjutsu possibility…

The world has twisted so many times in the past 15 minutes I'm feeling like I did on the boat, with the waves going up and down and up and down and up and~ urgh… I think I'm gunna hurl cookies…

In this time period we've travelled the great distance of 10 meters, averaging 0.6 meters recurring per minute… joy.

And it gets worse, yes worse, the further we get the more graphic the scenes the genjutsu display, if it isn't the twisting world that's gunna make me puke, it's the images forced upon me every few seconds. It seems the closer we get the faster acting the jutsu are, the last felt to last a good 10 minutes only for Yuki to release me to find only a few seconds have passed… My body is in a state of give up and die, my chakra so low I feel dizzy and Hidan is almost as bad. Yuki is fairing better but her reserves are depleting to rescue Hida and me from the nightmarish scenes every few seconds. I think, if she keeps saving me for these genjutsu, I could actually start to not want to gouge her eyes out every time she giggles… maybe…

The only one not effected is the bobtailed rat who had been completely unfazed, _apparently_ she's immune, I have no idea how but _I hate her_ for it, she's just wandering forward while we suffer.

We push forward, determined to find whatever the hell we're looking for, always trying to remind ourselves it's only genjutsu, no matter how much I doesn't help when you feel the pain of having your legs snapped like twigs my a massive kaa-san dressed in a French maids outfit… _the horror! _I'm going to be emotionally scarred and in need of counselling after this…

Another burst of Yuki's chakra through my system makes me gasp in shock as another wave of nauseating exhaustion punches me square in the face and I stumble in an attempt to gain my footing from the rush of sensation, my hands instantly going to my knees for support while I swallow another mouthful of bile which keep insisting in trying to claw it's way up my throat. Hidan's slightly ahead but is stationary, so is most likely in a nightmarish scene but Yuki is on her way, dispersing genjutsu as she goes, the second her hand touches Hida's shoulder he sucks in a ragged breath and hits the floor with a yelp.

Yuki only just manages to break his fall and I work my way over, some how managing to escape being genned down.

Raiding my supplies I pull out a small box of food pills and force feed Hida 2 in hopes of getting a little of his strength back before offering them to Yuki who snaps two up without question, I take the last one in the box, having only packed enough for an emergency.

I look around our surroundings while I wait for the pill to do its thing. There's no clues, no vague hint, NOTHING to give us any idea what the hell we're supposed to be looking for. We haven't even seen another team yet, which is in all honestly making me worry. We should have made contact with more enemies, Kisame and Zabuza were hell to deal with and I'm thankful we're not being attacked but it feels off… are they in hiding, waiting for us to find the bloody thing before attacking us in our weakened states to take it from us… I would if it was the other way round, I'd slit their throats while they smiled triumphantly at having finally found whatever the hell we're looking for.

I stare up into the sky, as if trying to search for inspiration… there has to be something we're missing… Something we've not thought of…

"FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKIN JASHIN! THIS IS SHITTING STUPID! THE MAP LEAD US TO THIS FUCKIN HELL OF A BLOODY SHITTING PLACE AND THERES NOTHING MOTHER FUCKIN HERE, WE'VE GOT TO BE IN THE WRONG FUCKIN PLACE!" Hidan snarls from his place on the ground. Yuki slaps him on the forehead with a pout "We're not in the wrong place, the map lead us, we're just not finding anything, we're not looking hard enough, stop being so pessimistic" Hidan snarls, spinning from his back to his front, shooting her a glare that should be able to kill but thankfully can't "WHERE IS IT THEN!? UNLESS IT'S IN FUCKIN PLAIN SIGHT THEN WE'RE IN THE WRONG PLACE!"

"Hidan-kun you genius!" Yuki squeals, lunging herself at him and planting a kiss on his cheek to which he hisses a string of profanity around the words 'succubus', 'whore' and 'cooties'. I find myself staring at Yuki on confusion as her hands come together as if to break a gen, the last of her chakra surging as a metaphorical bubble pops around us, my brain feeling completely scrambled…

Around us the enemy stands immobile, all of them facing in on this mother fuckin HUGE altar thing! Their fingers twitch and their eyes shift in their sockets but they do not move from their positions… Yuki you yaoi obsessed star… I know I suck at genjutsu but this is ridiculous, HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN IN THAT THING!?

Yuki huffs a breathless giggle before falling backwards onto her ass and breathing heavily, smiling that creepy million watt guy smile. "I think I deserve a live action HidaJunket show for this, Hidan kiss Junketsu now as payment!" she whines, holding her camera up in readiness. I actually chuckle, the girls has a one track mind… Hidan is full on gut laughing on the floor.

Surprisingly, I actually feel less exhausted now the genjutsu thing is broken… I guess because we weren't really expelling all those genjutsu… I don't think… I'm not really sure what is actually real right now…

Kuri bursts out his a shrill scream of 'ABOUT FUCKIN TIME!' the bobtailed demon sitting on the alter thing looking annoyed "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you gakis to break that genjutsu?! I thought I was going to die of boredom before you figured it out!' she hisses, tapping her back paw on the smooth rock, front paws crossed over her chest… she's never been in the genjutsu and she didn't help us… THE BITCH!

"_YOU DEMONIC TOILET BRUSH OF A BIG EARED, RAT FACED, RABBIT!"_ I snarl, lunging myself at the she-rabbit and catching her in a head lock _"YOU'VE JUST BEEN HANGIN AROUND WAITING AND NOT LIFTING A FINGER TO HELP, YOU LITTLE~!"_ her teeth sink into my arm and I try to shake her off but those fangs are in deep and her grip unyielding as her chestnut coloured body flaps after my flailing arm "LET THE FUCK GO! OW, OW, OW, MOTHER FUCKIN OWWW!" I hiss, slamming my arms against the stone altar in an attempt to make Kuri let go only for her to escape at the last minute and my arm to hit the solid stone hard, eliciting a yelp of pained surprise… Just wait until I get my hands on her!

My anger quickly fades as my eyes catch a glimpse of what is actually sitting on the altar… SCROLLS, GLORIOUS SCROLLS! I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a scroll in my entire life, especially because of the patterns along the edge that match the patterns on the map, YOSH! I COULD KISS MY TEAM MATES RIGHT NOW, if it wouldn't be weird as hell and make everything awkward, that and the idea of kissing Yuki makes me wanna blow chunks!

Looking at the number of scrolls there would never have been enough to for everyone to pass, ya know what they say, first come first serve!

The scrolls are lined up neatly on the altar with sufficient space between each of them to indicate it's one per team. I continue to stare at them for a moment before my world is spinning and I'm lifted off the ground by an enthusiastic Hidan who throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and spins while manically laughing, the surroundings all blurring into a colourful confused mess "FUCK YEAH!" He woops in my ear loud enough to deafen me, _note to self: punch Hidan is I go deaf young_.

When Hidan has finished spinning me to the point my guts feel like they're gunna escape through my mouth, he grabs one of the scrolls and tightens his death grip on my legs,** if he squeezes any tighter they're going to fall asleep!**

Hidan walks away from the alter with me still hanging over his shoulder, Yuki calling after "Hidan kun, where are you going, aren't we going to open the scroll? HIDAN-KUN!" Kuri rolls her eyes with a huff while Hidan simply shifts me on his shoulder into a more comfortable position for the both of us with a pissed off sigh "You stupid bitch, we gotta fuckin move away from this shit hole, if one of those frozen fuckers breaks the gen we're gunna be on the receiving end of a fuckin fight that we don't need right now, Fuck-face is nearly drained of chakra and we're not much fuckin better, shut up and fuckin follow or I'll gut you like the useless piece of shit you are!" he snarls and I can't help but feel a little throb of pride, _**HIDAN IS USING HIS BRAIN!**__**! **__All my time at the academy forcing him to work has paid off!_ **WHO'S A CLEVER HIDA-KITTY! SUCH A GOOD BOY! **Maybe I should start carrying Hida treats for when he has these moments of greatness to reward him? Nah, he'd kill me…

Hidan heads into the cover of the trees and bushes before I'm finally allowed of Hidan's shoulder to stand by his side, Yuki giggling and swooning over Hidan."You come up with the best ideas Hidan-kun, I never knew you were so smart!" She fangirls. I can hear the distinct sound of Hidan's teeth grinding together and the vein on his forehead pulses dangerously "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he snarls, scythe suddenly swinging towards Yuki. My blood swirls and wraps around the scythe and I stand between the two "Hida! Relax, calm your cookies, Yuki shut your trap" Why must I always play peacekeeper? Yuki promptly stops her incessantly annoying squealing and Hidan's struggling stops automatically as our gazes lock, His angry magenta softening almost instantly. I retract my blood and Hida begrudgingly puts his scythe away though he is shooting our resident fangirling pain in the ass some rather nasty glares.

"open it" Hidan demands, holding the scroll out to Yuki who giggles "YAY! I GET TO OPEN IT!" She cheers, snatching up the scrolls. Hidan smiles darkly, leaning down to whisper in my ear "If it's some kind of fuckin trap, the bitch will get the brunt of it" He purrs, a warm exhale of ghosting the shell of my ear. Kuri is staring in Hida and my direction with an all too self-satisfied smirk and I can't stop myself scowling at her. Stupid demonic rabbit smirking, I should just cook her and use her pelt as a shoe brush or something equally unpleasant.

Yuki's fingers easily pick open the side of the scroll and I feel myself tense slightly at the possibility of it being a trap, of Yuki getting hurt. I don't like her, hell no! But she is my team-mate and she did save our asses back there. If this is a trap, she could be our only hope if its genjutsu…

Pulling back the scroll it opens quickly…

It flashes a blinding white and there's an loud popping sound which makes my head pound and suddenly, we're no longer in the forest. The walls are bare and a mottled grey and the stone floor is an off white. There are shinobi around of different villages. Some just sitting around others doing jobs or looking after genin.

"MY DARLING BABY BOY!" Oh no~ my world is sent tumbling as I am engulfed in the vice like grip of my father. He rubs his cheek against mine like a possessive cat while crying and a nasty bubble of snot rolls down from his nose. BACK OFF, I'M NOT A TISSUE~ EW, IT'S GETTING ON MY FACE~ _**HELP!**_

"DADDY IS SO PROUD OF HIS LITTLE BOY, I MISSED YOU SOO MUCH!" tou-san coos lovingly while I struggle to escape his arms, He needs to get control of his son-complex, _now! _I slam my knee down into his crotch earning a pained yelping sound as his arms recede from my person and I make my escape, using Hidan as a human shield.

"WHY MY SON! DON'T BE SHY ABOUT LOVING YOUR DADDY!" tou-san cries, he's literally balling his eyes out while rocking back and fourth on the floor guarding is lower half. Hidan and Yuki both look considerably unimpressed, Kuri giving me the look of 'are you really related?'.

Tou-san, after getting over his little daddy moment, straightens and smiles proudly at the team "MY BEAUTIFUL GENIN! CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING THE SECOND EXAM! _GROUP HUUUG!"_ Hidan, Yuki myself and are off running, tou-san pursuing us while all the other shinobi look at us as if we're crazy while we run for our lives… how is this my life?

* * *

_**AN:/:**_

_**heeeey... I'm painfully late... SORRY!**_

_**ALOT of shit has happened and everything went wrong in my life over the xmas season which caused me to have the worst case of writers block i've ever had in my life, thankfully it has died and i'm writing up a storm now (YAY)**_

_**Hope you can all forgive my crappy brain for fuckin me over**_


	39. Preliminaries

**Chapter 39: Preliminaries**

We've been sitting in this room for a few hours now, after having been looked at by a medic to make sure there's nothing life threateningly wrong with us and tou-san having brought us some real food, I'm feeling bloody awesome! My chakra replenishing quickly thanks to the rest and a healthy does of sultana cookies, BBQ pork pieces with sticky rice and veggies…there maybe a slight ***cough*** rather large ***cough*** difference in the ratio of cookies to healthy food eaten ***cough*** _I ate __al__l the sultana cookies and blamed Kuri, SHHH! _***cough*** but whose keeping track?

Hidan, Yuki and Kuri also seeming better for the small reprieve.

_To say the least there are few genin in the room. There's us, an Iwa team, a Konoha team and 1 Kiri making 4 teams and 12 genin in total~_

"ALRIGHT YOU LOT! ALL GENIN REPORT TO THE NEXT ROOM!" a nameless mist shinobi calls and Hidan grabs my wrist and tugs me along, coming to a stop in the middle of a large room, me heading of my team with Kuri sitting beside my foot. Before us the Mizukage, the 7 swords men and the apparent proctor stand looking stony faced out at us, I am almost tempted to stick my tongue out at Zabuza who seems to be brooding. I think he's still upset about our fight; his sensitive ego must be bruised. Hehehe…

_~which would equal 11 matches in the final exam… too many matches~_

"Due to the remaining numbers of genin we're holding preliminary rounds to reduce numbers" the calls of protest hit like a wall of noise and I stand there dumbfounded…

_~I knew it, I just fuckin KNEW IT!_ Is the god fuckin with me so uncreative he's following the unleashed layout, next thing that's going to happen is there's going to be an attack on the mist while the third exam is in motion. I would actually kill someone if that happens because it's too reminiscent of the series; then again Orochimaru didn't appear trying to give anyone a love bite… _I don't think_… I get that the exams would all be pretty similar due to them all being of the same nature but I'd have thought the different villages would vary more in their testing methods, especially since the anime stressed that different villages had different training methods for their shinobi, it would make sense to have different tests so genin retaking would not become complacent or learn how the tests work and increase their likelihood of passing. Apparently not, I'm actually a little disappointed that it's going so close to the chunin exams in the anime.

Hidan growls behind me "Fuck it, just… fuck!" he hisses angrily under his breath, signs of fatigue showing more than usual. I don't know what's come over me when I reach out and hold his hand, giving it a firm squeeze "Your gunna be fine Hida, you could kill these guys with your hands tied behind your back" I whisper, looking into those tired magenta pools. His hand grips mine tighter and a small tired smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, his eyes brightening and sparking up. He gives a firm nod, the small smile cracking into a full blown smirk, laced with confidence and his blood whispers in a silent faith; chakra rippling.

I've missed half of the ramblings of the guy talking, his voice dull and oh so easy to ignore. It isn't until we're being ushered away from the centre of the room to a seating area above the arena that I realise the preliminaries are beginning. We sit in our teams, Yuki running ahead to bag us the seats at the back, the only bonus; this arena has seats, they're not best comfortable but anything is better than sitting on the floor. The last thing I need is a dead ass before a fight!

The first pair is an Iwa guy and a leaf girl, I don't catch their names and I don't really care what their names are unless they win. It's a bit of a village grudge match that ends with Iwa getting it's ass handed to it by Konoha, It's amazing how history repeats itself. The girl, Himawari Minakura apparently, never heard the name so she isn't a key character though her abilities with close combat weapons is fair and is apparently adept at fire jutsu from the crispy looking Iwa being carted away.

When Hidan's name is called I give him a little smirk which is returned and his chakra spikes again as he waltzes over to the poor leaf genin who is about to fight him. I almost feel sorry for the idiot as Hidan skilfully spins his scythe between his fingers before holding it tightly in his hand. The girls all make a squealing noise, including Yuki right next to my ear, I'M GOING TO BE DEAF BY 10 IF THIS CARRIES ON DAMMIT! STUPID MOSTLY NAKED HIDAN!

The leaf nin tries to disable with kunai but a quick sweep from Hidan's scythe and they're pinging off uselessly while Hidan goes in for a close range attack, they have a short exchange of blows, the leaf genin looking cocky for a moment, that is until, Hidan stops pulling his punches and unarms the idiot before burying his scythe in the leaf nins guts, ripping the skin as the lovingly sharpened blades carve through Hidan's opponent like butter. The scream of pain, the spray of blood, Hidan's manic laugh and the coppery smell that always accompanies my stupid zealot making my heart beat that much faster.

There was never a doubt in my mind that Hidan would win, the ass hole is bloody amazing with his scythe and his jutsu is fair, and when he actually takes the fight seriously he can land some seriously devastating blows. Add his high pain threshold and you have a sure fire winner.

Hidan removes the blade from the poor leaf nins body, blood oozing on the floor and dripping off the carefully maintained blade, When he turns to face my way, His face and chest are splattered with blood, it's probably a good thing he stopped wearing shirts, I'm not going to be the one to get the stains out. THE BONUS OF NUDISM! Though the down side is that all the girls here are practically drooling over him, BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU SUCUBUS WHORES!

Suddenly the scent of blood is close and I'm pinned in my chair by a blood drenched Hidan who is so close I can feel him breathing. "I fuckin won, Was so shittin easy it's unreal" he purred with a smirk and I can't stop my lips twisting to match him "I'm so proud Hida-ass-hole, knew you could do it" I praise to which Hidan preens, eyes so bright and prideful of his accomplishment.

Hidan slips into his seat as the next bout begins against a Kiri genin and a Iwa nin, neither seem hesitant to attack one another but Neither Hidan or myself are paying much attention, He's busy quietly talking about his plans for training to me, his calloused fingers playing with the sleeve of my shirt, sometimes those fingers graze over my wrist, drawing aimless patterns into my sensitive skin, occasionally tracing the veins there. His excitement and prideful boasting making me smile, even as the battle between the Kiri nin and Iwa nin rages before subsiding and the next battle begins, I think against the other mist genin and the final leaf genin, I find myself lost in the conversation.

"I've no fuckin idea how psycho sensei is gunna handle training us for the final exam, hell, the bastard will probably ignore my training to focus on you" Hidan grumbles to which I frown "Why'd you think that?" I question, holding his gaze. Those magenta eyes shy away from mine and instead stare down at my wrist which he's gliding his fingers over "Because he's your fuckin dad, he's going to play favourites and I'm not gunna learn shit" he mutters, fingers carefully gliding up my palm before entwining them with mine, his thumb tracing small circles along my index fingers knuckle. I smiles softly at him "Hey, we'll train together too, even if we have to face off against one another, There's no way in hell I'm gunna let you slack off ya know" I giggle at his slightly confused look before he smirks and chuckles lightly "Fuck yeah" I mumbles, cheeks taking on a light pink tint. Huh… Is he feeling ill? I gotta give him a real health check once this preliminary crap is over, there's no way I'm letting him drop out of the last exam just because of a minor illness!

"Junketsu Makka of Yugakure and Tensai Kazan of Iwagakure" The nameless proctor calls and I'm pulled from my Hidan Health planning to see a blonde haired and tanned guy heading off looking grumpy with his hands folded over his chest. Hidan releases my hand and gives me a devilish grin "the fucker wont stand a chance, just go psycho like with the Suna bitches" he cackles manically and I smile. Kuri sighs heavily "Dammit Gaki, put your gaki boyfriend down!" she hisses and I automatically spin on my heel to glare at her "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" I snarl as she hops along by my foot into the ring

Blondie smirks at me "You sure you don't want to back out, little kid and his cute bunny could get hurt" … alrighty… Did he just call me little? _**LITTLE!?**_ I'M 7 YEARS OLD _OF COURSE_ I'M A BIT SMALLER THAN HIM BUT I'M A PERFECTLY NORMAL HIGHT FOR MY AGE! I'M GOING TO WIPE THAT SMUG LITTLE SMIRK OFF HIS FACE! _**THIS. MEANS. WAR!**_

Kuri apparently agrees with my idea as she's glaring at him like he just offered her a slice of rabbit pie. Angry amber eyes meet with my pinkie red and we nod to one another.

"If you are ready you may begin"

The second the sentence is out, Kuri is up close and personal, teeth and claws bared while she hisses like a demon. I create space between him and I, pulling out my unpoisoned Senbon flicking them accurately to attack sensitive areas, the fucker deflecting them with kunai though I get a few nice hits on his shoulders which earn me a pained hiss, Kuri twists around his defence, attacking from behind, claws ripping cloth and flesh alike.

The Iwa-nin twirls around and tries to fend Kuri off with a punch… MISTAAAAAAKE! The big eared rat sinks her teeth into the exposed tanned arm with a growl earning a confused yelp of pain as the Iwa-nin tries to stake her off which only helps Kuri tear a chunk out his arm, blood marring her chestnut pelt as she smirks… I KNEW SHE WAS A DEMON!

I myself continue to throw a mix of weapons from afar as I watch the Iwa like a hawk. Like hell am I going to show my hand while I feel this guy out, Blondie may be outwardly struggling but that look in his eye tells me it's a big fat lie! He's letting me dominate the fight now to lull me into a false sense of security, get me to lower my guard then strike like the sneaky little bastard he is, that's what I'd do in his position, it's exactly what I'm doing. Because of this I'm not showing him any of my tricks, no poison, no jutsu, only the basics and that's the way it's staying until I know what I'm dealing with. Then, I might take him seriously.

* * *

The two genin continue on for several minutes, Tensai of Iwa fending of weaponry and a stubborn and apparently blood thirsty rabbit summoning while Junketsu attacks from afar, silently gathering intel on his blonde adversary, pinkie red eyes like a hawk eyeing it's prey.

"Earth style, Hiding mole" the blonde smirks, disappearing into the ground beneath him quickly and without pause. The arena is silent, both Junketsu and the on lookers trying to work out the next move…

The ground erupts, once smooth earth rising up and twisting, tearing apart and moving menacingly causing the small purplnette to dash up a nearby wall to crouch of the ceiling, a small smirk playing on his lips. "Now this is more like it Blondie" Junketsu purrs, easily twisting out of the way of a pillar of earth, pinkie red eyes falling closed.

If he had his eyes open, the Yugakure genin would have noticed the way Kisame shifted on the side lines to watch more closely, he's have seen the way Zabuza twitched irritably with barely compressed hate… he's have seen the way Akiku's eyes burned like wild fire as he watched his son, the corners of his mouth quirking dangerously behind his hand…

* * *

ABOUT FUCKIN TIME HE QUIT PLAYING DAMSEL AND PULLED HIS FINGER OUT HIS ASS! I was getting bored shitless of just throwing weapons!

Blondie must be a pretty good genin, this technique is at least a B rank jutsu from the amount of chakra the ground is saturated with, I'm impressed… even if the idiot is only going to tire himself by expending that much chakra so early on in our little game of cat and mouse… meow

There's just one _tiny_ little problem… I can hear his blood whisper beneath the surface, I know where he is… I just can't _get _to the jerk! I forgot about the hiding mole… fuck~

I twist outta the way of a spike of earth trying to impale me through the stomach, skidding across the cold grey tiles beneath my sandals… think, think, think…

"OI RAT FACE!" I call, a moment later to be graced with the furry demons presence beside me "How many times gaki, I'm. A. RABBIT!" she snarls to which I can't help but open my eyes to roll them at her. "Whatever big ears, is there another rat with a way to get Blondie jerk out the ground so I can brutalise the bitch into submission?" I ask sweetly to which her mouth twists into a nasty little smirk "Should have just asked, pretty gaki boy" she purrs before cheerfully bouncing from the ceiling to the nearby wall and to the ground.

"Where's Blondie jerk face?" she calls to me sweetly though I can see the evil intent on her face… this should be good…

I point to a spasming mound that erupts into a new pillar that tries to crush me but is easily dodged. Her smirk darkens and I can practically see horns and fire… I swear her smirks are scarier than an angry tailed demon on speed… NEVER get on her bad side Junketsu, or I'm deader than Might Gai's sex life… EW…

"Earth style, stone shatter" she purrs, flicking her body in the air into a small back flip, slamming her large back paws on the ground, releasing a shockwave of chakra in the hiding Iwa-nins direction. The effect is immediate, Kuri's chakra tears through the earth, it shatters and crumbles like one of kaa-san's sultana cookies to reveal a dumbfounded Blondie.

"Gaki!" the rabbit snarls. I don't need to be snarled at twice; I launch myself off the ceiling, channelling chakra into my fist as Kuri explained… one chakra infused punch to the face, a satisfyingly loud crunching noise and a destroyed nose later, the Iwa jerk is barely conscious in a puddle of blood gushing out his nose. Kuri is by my side in a heart beat and I giggle at the happy grin she shoots me "Stupid Blondie, Never underestimate a ninja or his summoning, it might get you killed next time" I chide sweetly in my best innocent voice, I see his fingers twitch but there is no more movement from the jerk.

"Winner, Junketsu Makka of Yugakure" The medics are first on the scene, carting off Blondie and I smugly watch him be man handled onto a stretcher and carted away.

"MY BABY!" Is all the warning I receive before I'm being yanked off my feet into a bone-crushing hug by a crying tou-san who nuzzles me relentlessly; I hiss at the unyielding grip around my waist keeping me in place before I smirk.

"T, tou-san, you, your hurting m, me!" I sniff, pulling a cute face and forcing tears to well in my eyes. The reaction is automatic and I'm back on my feet while Tou-san cries in his emo corner of shame "I'M A BAD FATHER, MY POOR LITTLE BABY!" He wails and I have to fight the smirk tugging at my lips.

The world is spinning suddenly and the air forced outta my lungs as the world spins, manic laughter filling my ears "FUCKIN HELL YEAH! WE'RE BOTH THROUGH TO THE FINALS!" Hidan snarls happily while he spins us, me over his shoulder and clawing at his bare back to try and make him stop but it only seems to spur him on. The world abruptly stills and my brain feels like it's just slammed against the inside of my skull as I'm dumped into my chair and Hidan takes his spot next to me, grinning like a mad man.

"Yuki Aurora of Yugakure and Sentoki Higure of Mizugakure" The nameless shinobi calls and I spy Yuki flinching, her breath hitching at the sound of her own name. I shake her shoulder "Oi Yuki, relax and take a deep breath, you'll be fine, Kay?" I smile encouragingly at her, trying my best to be nice and supportive like a good team mate, discreetly elbowing the snorting Jashinist beside me in the ribs hard enough to make him growl. "Don't fuckin die bitch, I'm not carting your dead body back home," he growls and I guess that's the best we're going to get out of him. Tou-san has managed to drag himself out of his pit of despair and smiles brightly at Yuki 'Get down and Boogie my little duckling!" He cheers, swishing his hips in a way that should be illegal, _**MY EYES!**_ KILL ME BEFORE HE CAN BREAK OUT INTO A FULL ON SHIMMY AND I DIE OF SHAME!

Yuki smiles and nods though she still looks like a deer in the headlights as she heads off to face down the Mist girl… I'm not sure how this is going to go down… I have more faith in Yuki now than I did when we left for the exams but she's a bit of a lazy ass who whines at the idea of training and this mist girl looks tough, her black hair cut in a short boyish style to keep it out the way and her clothes are dark and functional, Katana strapped firmly to her back compared to Yuki's short and frame accentuating dress. Physically? Well the mist girl looks like she'd eat a Yuki for breakfast and still be looking for more! Seriously, _**THAT'S A **__**GIRL!?**_

The fight gets of to a flying start, for the mist girl who ploughs forward like a bulldozer and throws a flurry of punches that could easily break something. Yuki marginally dodges them though it's only by a few millimetres at best. There's no way Yuki can go against this Sentoki in hand to hand combat, close combat is the worst idea in the world with this one, especially if she has any skill with that sword she's carrying. Yuki needs to make space before she's a pile of grisly meat chunks on the floor and the mist girl is wearing her entrails as a fashion statement!

A powerful fist collides with Yuki's cheek and a pained yelp erupts from the fangirls' throat as she's sent crashing to the ground. I find myself edging forward in my seat, my muscles tightening and fingers twitching to reach for a weapon. Beside me, Hidan's jaw is clenched as his nails dig into his knees. We're both used to covering her, taking the brunt of the fighting because Yuki sucks at taijutsu, she's never been much for close combat, more of a midrange kunoichi with slightly below average aim and a basic arsenal of jutsu.

Yuki forces herself to her feet. Her blood hissing with panic and a growing dread as the shemale mist kunoichi rushes her. "DAMMIT YUKI, KEEP THE BITCH AT A DISTANCE!" Hidan snarls, he's on his feet and gripping the rail hard enough to make his knuckles white.

Yuki reacts automatically, shifting backward to keep the man beast far enough not to connect, but she's not going to do any good just running away, she needs to attack, anything will do right now until she can form a plan! COME ON YUKI!

Yuki just twirls out of the way of a punch and makes a quick burst of hand signs behind the girls? Guys?… things… things back and manages to cartwheel out of reach. The thing continues attacking forwards, completely ignoring Yuki who sighs, her genjutsu having taken affect. Amber eyes snap to Hidan and myself desperately, looking for a hint as to what to do.

Hidan growls in frustration and I can feel my own body itching to get in there. I hate to admit it but I think we've come to almost like our teams arrangement, Hidan and myself doing all the heavy lifting while Yuki is sort of moral support, in a twisted yaoi obsessed way, she at least keeps us on our toes, I swear that girl would do anything for yaoi~

… I can't believe I'm going to do this…

"Hey Yuki, you win this match and I'll kiss Hida-ass-hole" I shout making her freeze and Hidan squeak beside me, I can feel my own cheeks burning like mad at the idea. I look sideways at Hidan who looks about ready to pass out, face completely red and a slight nosebleed as he twitches. A deafening squeals nearly ruptures my eardrums and suddenly Yuki is bouncing up and down camera in hand, a shameless blush and massive smile splitting her face "REALLY?! TONGUE INCLUDED? GROAPING!? SE~" … eh… at least she's motivated? … Why am I proposing this again?

"FUCK YOU WHORE, NO GROAPING, 1 FUCKIN KISS, CLOSED MOUTH NO TONGUE! AND ONLY IF YOU FUCKIN BEAT THE LIVIN DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THE BITCH!" Hidan hisses like an angry cat, cheeks stained such a bright crimson it's ridiculous. I was pretty sure I'd be able to get out of this if Hidan refused but apparently the crazy Jashinist is at his wits end with watching our team having the crap beaten out of it, besides, it's no big deal, kissing seems to be his default shock tactic when it comes to fangirls, why not a bargaining chip? The zealot stole my first kiss… I knew it, my future as a kiss selling prostitute is just getting more and more likely, stupid pervert team mate, stupid pervert Suna, stupid pervert Hida, just… STUPID PREVERT WORLD!

I sigh in exasperation, running my fingers through my hair and close my eyes in acceptance that this is my life… I hate my life…

On the bright side, Yuki is completely motivated; the feral yaoi girl looks ready to kill if it means winning… I'm kinda hoping she looses now, just a little bit. Beside me Hidan seems to be gripping the rail that bit harder while staring out at the fight.

"Kai!" is all the warning we have before the shemale is rushing Yuki again, a prominent blush across her face.

"WHAT KIND OF PERVERT ARE YOU SHOWING ME THAT, YOUR TEAM MATE IS A LITTLE KID!?" The mist shemale hisses while jabbing a finger in my direction before slashing at Yuki with her katana… I don't think I even wanna know what Yuki did… ignorance is bliss…

Yuki flurries through hand signs, creating basic clones as a distraction tactic, the mist bitch slashing at them with her katana for them to disappear, Yuki catapulting herself through the air in a twist of flips while weaving more signs, another genjutsu hitting the mist girl who stands stationary, hand still clamped down on the katanas handle before there's another growl of 'kai' to dispel the jutsu "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AND YOUR OBSESSION WITH YOUR TEAM MATES!? CREEPY LITTLE PERVERT!" The shemale snarls, face the colour of tomato ignorance is bliss, ignorance is bliss, ignorance is bliss… WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SHOWING HER YUKI!? My team mate in question is smiling like a woman possessed "I AM NOT A PERVERT… I AM A YAOI FANGIRL! HIDAJUNKET FOREVER!" She hisses like a banshee while in a power pose… once again, how is this my life?! There's a burst of chakra and THE MOST HORRIFIC SIGHT IS PLAYING OUT! There's Hidan and me on the field, me beneath Hidan doing… doing… _**AHHHH!**_ MAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOP! HIDA HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO MEEEEEE YOU PEDOPHILE! There is a chorus of excited female squealing throughout the room, along with the horrified shrieks of my tou-san "MY BABY NOOOOOOOOO! DON'T DEFLOWER MY LITTLE KETSU!" Beside me Hidan is bright red all over, eyes practically popping out the sockets while his mouth flaps open and closed like a fish out of water. Kuri, the evil bitch is laughing her ass of, rolling across the floor while pelting the ground with her paws, genuine tears rolling down her face… I'll never live this down!

The mist girl has a nose bleed like Niagara falls gushing and looks about ready to pass out, Yuki looking all too proud of herself for her yaoi based tactics, However the Mist girl growls like a rabid animal, ploughing forward and slicing her katana through the image making it disappear in a cloud of smoke, Yuki take a moment to realise that her little yaoi nightmare has dispersed, but by then the shemale genin is diving out of the smoke like a tiger ready to kill, katana raised and teeth bared savagely. Yuki doesn't have time to make hand signs; she doesn't have time to do anything, her large amber eyes wide with terror…

The tables turn suddenly and I feel my heart drop at the scream. We told her… we all told her… NOT TO USE HER KEKEIGENKAI!

Before me the mist kunoichi is screaming in pain, the skin of her arm blistering under the coating of water that shifts and bubbles angrily, slowly working its way down her arm. The katana hits the floor with a metallic clatter and the killing intent in the room soars from friendly match between villages to full blown 'your dead meat' in the space of 5 seconds as the penny drops and people realise Yuki's using a blood line trait.

The two mist genin on the side lines are practically oozing with the desire to kill our resident fangirl, not only because of the kekeigenkai but because Yuki is using her kekeigenkai to incapacitate their team mate… DAMMIT! She's basically painted a target on her back and invited the whole of Kiri to murder her in her sleep… all this for a kiss, I'm not sure if I respect her commitment to yaoi or horrified at her own suicidal tendencies.

Tou-san is watching the scene play out, his pinkie red eyes unblinking as the Kiri kunoichi yields and Yuki wins, much to the angry murmurs from majority of the mist shinobi present. The 7 swordsmen don't so much as make a noise about the use of a kekeigenkai but Yagura is giving Yuki a near dangerous look, his face may be blank but his eyes look like a shark smelling blood… fuck…

Yuki is on her ass breathing hard and trembling in the middle of the arena, her chakra feeling massively depleted which isn't surprising considering we've had little rest between these preliminaries and the second exam.

"All those who failed the preliminaries leave, all those who passed line up!" the nameless shinobi orders and we follow, Yuki getting up on wobbly legs. Hidan and myself are quick to flank her in an attempt to create a barrier between her and the mist genin who are glaring daggers at her but a feral growl from Hidan makes them back off, for now…

Yagura looks the final candidates over, one female leaf, 2 male mist and the entirety of team Aka, even if one of our members looks about ready to collapse.

The team Jonin stand off to the right of the Mizukage puppet, the 7 swordsmen to the left. The atmosphere is tense, it seems that everything in Kiri is tense, the exams, the shinobi, hell even the few civilians seem tense enough to give the stick up Sas-UKE's ass the appearance of a care free and outgoing persona.

"Congratulations on your victories" Yagura starts in what can only be called the most bored monotone voice, to him this is just going through the motions, congratulate the genin, give a little speech how it's getting harder, how this is a representation of war, blah blah blah blah, GET TO THE MATCH LISTING ALREADY!

I know I know how this shit goes and the others don't but that doesn't mean they need to make everything so wordy, quit beating around the bush, say your spiel you worked all of 30 seconds on and tell me whose fighting who so I can go back to the hotel and HAVE A BATH! I wasn't kidding about the bubble bath dammit, I FREAKIN' STINK OF DIRT AND SWEAT AND MY MUSCLES FEEL ABOUT READY TO TEAR THEMSELVES APART!

As if on cue I'm bitten by the she-rabbit by my foot, I manage to bite my tongue before I burst into swears that would make tou-san faint in horror and kaa-san chase me with a bar of soap and kick the rabbit hard enough to get a growl.

My brain latches onto the nameless chunin who has been acting as proctor who is impatiently shaking a brown bag at me. I take the hint with a sickly sweet smile and pull out a counter…3…

Just like in Unleashed we all take a counter and then are asked to call out the number while the proctor with no name squibbles down our names before revealing our fate…

Yuki vs. Tansui Sakana

Me vs. Himawari Minakura

Hidan vs. Batsu Hosoku

I can work with that; I can totally work with that. Kuri seems pleased enough from the creepy little smirk that has slithered onto her face; teeth glinting, ears twitching and honey amber eyes seem to burn with confidence.

I've zoned out again and don't snap out of it until I'm being man handled by tou-san "MY BABY! DADDY HAS SO MANY PLANS FOR YOUR TRAINING! FIRST WE'LL START WITH~" I can feel Hidan and Yuki deflate behind me and sigh

"No"

Tou-san seems to short circuit momentarily before actually realising what I just said "But baby, daddies little angel, daddy has it all planned and~" I shoot him a glare "No sensei, I… I already have plans" I lie through my teeth. Hidan and Yuki need his attention more than I do, besides I'm a better all rounder, Yuki needs work and Hidan need polishing up. Besides, I can learn more taijutsu from Kuri since she seems to have a bag of tricks that is as of yet unexplored, she gave me good pointers on how to enhance my strength with chakra so maybe I can wheedle a few more pointers out of her. Maybe…

Before tou-san can push this any further I spin on my heel and head for the exit "See you guys later!" I wave cheerfully though it's all a massive bluff… lets hope I can pull something out my ass…


	40. Out of the Frying Pan

**Chapter 40: Out of the Frying Pan and into the Shark infested Water**

Bolting through the trees I barely dodge the kunai which whiz past my ear at near unnatural speeds, I've gotta hide, I need to escape, _**THIS IS ALL TOU-SANS FAULT!**_

The evil bastard ratted me out and now I have to deal with _this!_

"**SHONEN!** GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" comes an all too familiar snarl from behind and I find it in myself to run that much faster, SHE'S FURIOUS!

***/****(2 hours earlier)****/***

Having just woken up from what can only be described as the best sleep in my entire life I find Tou-san eating breakfast while humming a cheerful tune "MY DARLING BOY!" he squeals, waving me over "sit, sit, sit, you need to eat before a hard days training!" he chirps happily, practically shoving a plate of something twitching "I MADE IT MYSELF!" tou-san beams proudly and I stare at it in horror… I think it _blinked_ at me…

"Your training is going to be hard but daddy is hear for his baby!" tou-san happily prattles to which I twitch "I told you, I don't want your training" I state, poking the mess on my plate with a spoon… IT FUCKIN TWITCHED; KILL IT, _**KILL IT!**_

"I know, that's why I called in some help" he mumbles, face looking a little sheepish and he pokes his own meal… that's when I feel a chakra all too familiar to me… my blood freezes and I can feel myself pale… no… no, no, NOOOOOOOO!

Behind me~ I turn just in time to dodge a Senbon laced with a purple liquid "Shonen, I do hope your ready to learn" an all too sickly sweet voice coos and I swear my sole escaped through the top of my head…

KAA-SAN! She stands there nonchalantly rolling another poisoned Senbon between her right index finger and thumb, lips pulled into a sharp grin with too many teeth while poison green eyes bore into my pinkie red. Her usually plain long dress no longer cladding her, in it's place knee length dress much like my shirt in pale purple and black, the black fabric belt pulling the dress tight giving her the perfect hourglass figure models would die for, netted stockings coming up to just below the knee with gauze wrappings around her ankles and hands; head band proudly displayed across her forehead on black fabric, a sea of lavender hair pulling it all together and framing her features in a way that would have every kunoichi in the great nations writhing in envy… She looks 10 times scarier!

Tou-san makes a nervous whining nose that if carefully deciphered is most likely a greeting to the Lavender Fury and an apology to me wrapped into one… Just wait until I get my hands on him, He'll never have another child…

"H, Hai, kaa-san… Your looking lovely, if I may be so bold, the headband really brings out the colour of your eyes…" I all but whimper "I, I'll just… BYE!" I squeak before diving out the nearby open window and running for my life, mere seconds later there's a near inhuman roar of my name and a burst of killing intent… yeah, maybe running away wasn't the best idea I've ever had~

SAVE MEEEEEE!

***/****(Present)****/***

I skid on a branch, turning a sharp corner and managing to keep my footing as I dart between the trees, I've gained a bit of a lead but I can't afford to rest, I need to keep going befor~

_**CRASH!**_

I hit something, HARD! I find myself falling backwards, only just about saving myself from landing gracefully on my ass, twisting to land on my hands and knees and I most certainly didn't yelp, no sir… I~I GAVE A MANLY ROAR!

The deep chuckling hits me harder than what I ran into and I manage to snap my eyes up to meet the one and only big blue and badass Kisame, don't do it Junketsu! PUT YOUR FAN BOYING ASSIDE FOR YOUR SELF PRESERVATION! The memory that I'm being pursued by kaa-san slaps me and I pounce to my feet _**"HIDE MEEE!"**_ I squeak desperately at the shark shinobi whose been chuckling at me since I literally ran into him, seriously, his abs are hard as rock! I'M LUCKY I'M NOT CONCUSSED!

His lips quirk in amusement "What's so scary your running away?" he questions, sharp teeth glinting. Before I can answer kaa-san's voice pierces the moment "SHONEN, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, PUT YOU BACK TOGETHER THEN POISON YOU!" a very furious and very lavender kaa-san snarls like the demon she undoubtedly was in a past life as she comes into sight, her hair distinctively splayed like Medusa's own snakes while her eyes burn like fire and acid combined, teeth bared like a wild animal~

I feel desperation overwhelm me and I do what any self respecting child would do… USED KISAME AS A HUMAN SHIELD! I mutter a sorry before taking shelter behind the still blue ninja who seems to be staring at kaa-san neutrally, possibly turned to stone from looking at kaa-san directly… I can almost feel my blood curdling, my heartbeat ringing in my ears as it slams against my rib cage, my blood screaming at me to run for my miserable life… my eyes clap closed in silent panic…

I'm dead, she's not going to have mercy on me, I won't survive to compete in the final exam, I'll never drink alcohol again, I'll never get to tease Hidan about his first girlfriend, I'LL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN! I'm gunna be torn limb fro~

The killing intent stops suddenly … am I dead again? I don't feel dead again… huh… I snap my eyes open to see what can only be the most horrifying sight in the entire universe….

"YOUR JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE LEGENDS, IT'S AN HONOR TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LAVENDER FURY HERSELF!" … Kisame is fanboying… over kaa-san…? … Kisame, the ultimately awesome swordsman of the hidden mist… is fanboying over kaa-san…. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK KISAME!? SNAP OUT OF IT! DON'T RUIN MY ILLUSIONS OF BADASS! _**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_

Kaa-san looks momentarily dumbfounded before blushing and giggling, most likely latching onto the beautiful bit of the fanboy fawning that is _soooo_ wrong on _soooo_ many levels… seriously, Kisame looks freaking terrifying with a bright purple blush and starry eyes… where's a camera when I need one?

"Urrr… Kisame? Would you quit staring at my kaa-san like that, tou-san might get jealous and start a war~" I ask nervously, praying to every god possible that Kaa-san isn't going to gut me the second she remembers I'm still here

"Wait~ the Lavender Fury… is your MOTHER!?" Kisame is suddenly on his knees in front of me, hands clasped on my shoulders and shaking my small frame like a rag doll. The shaking stops abruptly making my brain feel like it's crashed into the inside of my skull; _**He's so OOC it's freaky! **_… That's when the laughing hits me; it's evil and very female.

"Where do you think my little shonen got his purple hair? It's not exactly a common colour is it now, Little Junketsu is every bit his mothers son; his fathers clan be damned, he's more me than he will ever be his father" Kaa-san purrs, eyeing me with dangerous green eyes and a sharp smile. "If you've finished running away, maybe we can get down to training, Shonen" I feel like my blood just coagulated in my veins as I automatically get ready to bolt again~

~Only to be hauled up under Kisame's monstrously powerful arm and trapped against his solid rib cage "And here I thought I was training you kid, backing out now your mummy's here? ~" … Eh? When did I ever agree to that? Kaa-san looks a little surprised too "Your training my shonen?" she asks sceptically, Kisame's arm holding me too tight to even squirm, a deep chuckle rippling through his body, vibrating through me "Made a deal during the second exam… something about me being big blue and bad ass after he poisoned my colleague and swapped the antidote for my aid in training if he made it to the third exam" … that _sooo_ did not happen, what the holy hell is goin on here? As I'm about to voice my 'what the fuck are you talking about' conversation, Kisame's arm tightens more, effectively squeezing all language out of me along with all the air from my lungs, dark eyes momentarily flickering down to me with a warning to shut up… I snap my mouth shut fast and his vice like grip loosens slightly, allowing me to breathe a little. "I'm pretty sure Junketsu-kun informed his sensei that he already had plans?" Kisame asks and how the hell does he know I told tou-san that? WHAT KIND OF CRAZY CHILD STALKER ARE YOU KISAME?!

Kaa-san is mulling over the situation, eyes clinically evaluating the information "DAMMIT AKIKU! HE SAID YOU NEEDED A TRAINER! JUST WAIT TILL I SEE HIM NEXT!~ I'm still training my shonen, I didn't come all this way for nothing, your medical ninjutsu needs work and there's no way any child of mine is completing the chunin exams without being able to do basic medical taijutsu! YOU'LL REPORT TO ME THE SECOND YOUR DONE WITH HIM!" she snarls, pointing at Kisame when referring to 'him', Kisame straightening at being referred to. Me? I just nod dumbly feeling completely lost… what the hell just happened?

"Stupid Akiku~" kaa-san snarls to herself, fist flexing dangerously… I feel a little revenge coming on… "Urr Kaa-san? If your interested… the kunoichi on my team, you know Yuki right? She's pretty useless but we've discovered a little genjutsu talent… if your bored while waiting for me, you could maybe, ya know, you could explore this new found skill… I'm not sure about your genjutsu level but anything is better than nothing, add your… _unique_ teaching style and maybe Yuki might survive the third exam? You have a way of hammering in talent~" I praise casually with a cute smile and fake care for Yuki's well-being… Translation: Yuki is completely useless except genjutsu which mainly revolves around me and Hidan in compromising positions, please poison her to near death and teach her how to use her only ability in a way that doesn't make me wanna scream with embarrassment…. Hehehe, I'll teach you Yuki for showing the world my… illusionary deflowering… I'll never live it down~

Kaa-san's demon smile is back again "Genjutsu huh… I'm sure I can do something to help while I wait, the little bluennette with the camera right?" she asks and I nod, only just managing to hold in a matching evil grin. Kaa-san is gone in a cloud of water vapour and I can't stop my evil laugh any longer "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YUKI IS GUNNA BE _**FUCKED!**_ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I just about to get my insane laughing under control to see the weird look I'm getting from Kisame "What?" I giggle which earns a smirk and a raised eyebrow "Your secretly evil aren't you?" I smile deviously at him, pulling my lips until my cheeks hurt. "I might be" I purr, earning a sharp grin from Kisame, his eyes holding a calculated evil gleam. "I think training you might actually be fun kid~"

… I thought he was joking about the training thing… maybe trying to bail me out~

"You were serious about the training thing? Isn't there some rule against teaching rival villages' genin or somthin like that? Ya know, village techniques and all that crap, shouldn't you be propositioning one of the mist genin because of village pride and whatever else floats your boat?" I ask, feeling taken aback by the possibility… this could be so bad… what happened to my not wanting to mess with the plot line any more than I already have? I somehow think getting training from a bad ass Akatsuki member to be counts as a possible fuck up when I see one… As in what if I ruin every thing? Oh sweet hell, what if Kisame comes _good!_ WHO WOULD LOOK AFTER ITACHI!? **THEY'RE SUCH A GOOD PAIR! **

"No, During the chunin exam you can train whoever you choose if you deem them to have enough potential to be worthy of training, weather or not they are from your own village or not, some students are assigned sensei' others can seek out their own and ask for training or a sensei can seek out the student" He tells me almost sagely… seriously, so much of his personality is skipped over in the manga and anime, the next thing he's going to tell me is he's into ballet and dreamed of being a pole dancer as a young boy… What is wrong with me?

"But… aren't our abilities kinda… polar opposites? You know I'm a Makka right? Long-range fighter? You're a close to mid range fighter right?" I stare up at him, silently trying to worm my way out of this, then again I'm still helplessly trapped in his vice like grip and hanging there as uselessly as a dead fish.

Kisame is a freaking power house of a shinobi' he's strong, fast and one hell of a heavy hitter as well as a water affinity shinobi meaning he can teach me more water affinity ninjutsu, but weapons training is more or less out meaning I suck with a sword, I can use Hidan's scythe fairly well but that's only because Hidan wanted us both to be scythe users… I prefer Senbon and shuriken; having worked my ass off since graduation to perfect my aim, unlike Hidan who hates my weapons almost as much as he hates pagans. Add on top of that my 'avoid main cast like the plague' plan and this is a totally bad idea…

There's a deep dulcet chuckling from Kisame which makes his entire frame vibrate against my side… when he's not being a bad ass ninja swordsman and laughing like a crazy person he actually has a nice laugh that Kisame fangirls would die over… seriously, it's a cross between manly and mother fuckin sexy! The kunoichi must throw themselves at him here! … Wait… did I just call a guy sexy? … I'm not even freaked out… huh~ I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing… **ON ****TASK**** JUNKETSU**, YOU CAN HAVE A GIRL BRAIN MOMENT LATER!

"You may be a long distance fighter naturally but your no slouch in close combat, you hit hard and fast and use others weaknesses to your advantage." He purrs, eyes glinting dangerously. "You're a fair tactician and from our little fight in the second exam, you have a sensing ability, making you the perfect candidate to teach the water clone jutsu and the hiding in mist jutsu" Kisame reasons, voice showing he knows what he's talking about…

…. Ooooh …. I really wanna learn the hiding in mist, like really bad… the first time I saw it in the anime I thought it was useful and totally somthin I'd wanna learn if I was a ninja… then again the Rasengan was also on that list and there's no way in hell I'm learning it, now when there's a possibility of running into ninja that know exactly what it is, Kakashi, Tsunade and Jiriya just to name a few~ but hiding in mist would actually be useful and not suspicious because it's a pretty common jutsu…. GRRRRR! MOTHER FUCKIN DAMMIT! I WANT THAT JUTSU! The uses I saw in the anime made the hiding in mist jutsu come into it's own for hiding and assassination though I have a feeling it would be useful in fleeing too, then the bonus of the water clone which, though not as strong as a shadow clone it's definitely nothing to sniff at, even with it's distance limitation it would still be a boon in my arsenal as well as help with close combat… Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! THIS IS BLACKMAIL! … I feel like a donkey with a carrot dangled in front of it's face… only my carrot is a really cool jutsu…

"How would this… sensei-student-thing work?" I eventually ask, knowing that I'm going to regret this. I receive a feral sharp toothed grin and another deep chuckle "thought you'd say that" he purrs and I pout. Stupid Kisame, your so cool but I think your also a jerk sometimes… just wait, I'm brewing a hallucination poison next, just for you~

All right…. So there is a tiny possibility I might change something… but how much damage can one months worth of training do? At most I'll cry even harder when Kisame dies than I did when watching the anime… there's no way I can change Kisame, right? I'm not like the blonde idiot hero who can change the world with a smile and a pep talk, The only reason I changed Hidan was because of a twist of fate that put me in the line of fire… just a bunch of accidents that lead to us coming together… this wont be the same…

I'm broken from my musing as my feet touch the ground, my petit form having been lowered from the crook of Kisame's arm in a surprisingly gentle manner for someone who could snap me like a twig.

"Just a friendly warning, if you fail to meet my standards even once; I'll kill you" he growls with a smirk, manic chuckle rippling through his throat… there's the crazy big blue and badass fangirls love… I think I preferred the Kisame who freaked out over Kaa-san like the secret fanboy he is… why do I feel like I've jumped out of the frying pan straight into shark infested water?

Maybe I should go beg Kaa-san to train me while I have the chance~

Before I can utter a word there's a Samehada slashing my way, manic chuckling crackling dangerously in my ears, I barely manage to dodge but before I can regain my footing samehada is sweeping at me again~

"You don't dodge you'll be cut to ribbons, training starts now kid, playtime is OVER!" Kisame snarls~ _**KAA-SAN, SAVE MEEEEEEEE!**_

* * *

**AN:/:**

**Hello! Hope you all enjo the chapter! ^.^ Sorry about the delay, just about recovered from the dentist last week so am back!**


	41. Training or Torture? - A Month Consensed

**Chapter 41: Training or Tourture? – Snippits**

**Day 8: Kisame's Mean**

It's been 8 days since I started training under Kisame and Kaa-san and I have but one thing to say… KILL ME NOW!

I skid across the training field, entire body screaming at me in pain as I channel chakra into my feet to stop my slide only to twirl out of the way of a speeding samehada, barely dodging the scaled sword by an inch before being forced backwards again by a sharp kick. Even with using my arms to block the blow, the sheer force sends my catapulting backwards, bones creaking dangerously again with the threat of crumbling under the onslaught of powerful strikes that have shattered my bones more times than I care to count in the past week or so, I try to send my chakra rushing to fix small hairline fractures that'll buckle if struck again but splitting my attention between the fight and healing is above my skill set, all I can manage is to soothe a little of the near unbearable pain throbbing throughout every inch of abused skin on my body to try and uncloud my mind.

There's no time to think about what I'm doing, I'm relying entirely on muscle memory hammered into my body through the years, no time to plan ahead when Kisame is giving me no recovery time to get my footing or use my better judgement, I'm blocking, countering and attacking entirely on instinct and the masses of adrenaline that surges in my blood making it sing euphorically, the whisper becoming almost deafening as I dodge a water bullet by the skin of my teeth.

My fingers twist in a complex blur of hand signs, the entire point of the exercise

"Water style: water clone jutsu" I growl, my chakra reacting automatically to the hand signs, vapour from the air and water from the nearby river coming together to make a clone… DAMMIT! The bloody thing is mostly transparent, it holds my shape well but it is very obviously not right from the lack of colouring and details, it's merely a mass of water in the shape of me. Kisame carves through it with ease, snarling in annoyance "AGAIN!" he snaps, samehada coming down on me, I substitute myself for a nearby block of wood which he tears through before coming after me, my hands going through the hand signs again, my heart pounding like a jack hammer "Water style: water clone jutsu" I call again, chakra once again coming to my call only to form another defectively transparent clone, fuck, fuck, FUCK! I hiss at myself in fury as Kisame's fist connects with my upper arm, the loud crunching sound and burst of pain; an agonisingly clear symptom of a broken humerus, my blood hissing at me loud enough to make my head pound. My teeth snap closed to hold back a yelp of pain as I make space between the blue swordsman and myself, a small trail of blood following… that's not good… my eyes flickering to my arm to see my sleeve steadily darkening as the fabric becomes soaked with my blood. Instinctively I'm taking control of the blood, pulling what I can from my clothes and skin and pulling it back through my skin while making it bypass the apparent wound to stop me loosing more blood than necessary.

Kisame has stopped his attack at the swirl of blood now twirling around my body. "You alright kid?" He asks, voice holding slight concern since I'm not to meant to be using my kekeigenkai unless there's a big problem. The hand of my less injured and not pissing blood arm works the knot of my red fabric belt open, the fabric coming loose after a few hard tugs allowing my purple shirt to slide open, the belt being it's only support in staying shut, to reveal the mesh shirt I wear underneath. I work the fabric down my shoulders carefully, the stark white bone protruding out my arm snagging on the sodden fabric… just what I needed, a compound fracture, hopefully not a comminuted fracture or I'll have to go to kaa-san again…

"Fuck" I growl, fingers glowing a light lavender as I position my hand near the wound to channel my chakra towards the break, my blood gently tugging at the bone from within my body to carefully convince it back into place without damaging any more surrounding tissues, being particularly wary of veins, arteries and muscle.

I hear Kisame move more than see him, my eyes focused entirely on my work as the bone slowly moves back, little by little pulling back under the skin. The popping snap of the bone clicking back into place with its other half is never a pleasant noise but the feel of medical chakra is incredibly soothing as it washes through me like a wave of relaxation, like the best orgasm known to man… god I miss sex… a little relieved moan escapes me as the pain dulls to nothing but an deep warmth, the skin knitting together… I love medical ninjutsu…

When I look up from my work I'm being stared down by Kisame who is sitting crossed legged in front of me, eyes looking up from my once wound, looking slightly awed. Not knowing entirely how to react I smile "Never seen medical ninjutsu or somthin' big blue?" I ask lightly only to receive a sharp toothed grin "Medics keep to the hospitals, very few Kiri shinobi get to see medics in action, there're so few of em' we cant risk killing them off by putting them on the front lines unless there's good reason" He tells me, giving more information than I'd have thought a shinobi from a rival village would give about their peoples health care. Are there really so few here? I've been in the hospital once or twice looking for kaa-san and I noticed there weren't many trained medic nin there, but then again I assumed they were on active service…I know that there is a shortage of competent medics from the anime, Lady Tsunade having been fighting for better medical training since the days of the last ninja war but I didn't realise that the problem was in other countries, is it me or is it stupid not to have a lot of healers? If I was the head of a shinobi village I'd make training competent medics for the front line a priority in an attempt to minimize casualties on missions as well as in the case of war where medics would possibly be the most important resource a village could have to offer.

My thoughts must have been pretty clear from the look on my face as Kisame's sharp toothed grin softens marginally "a lot of villages don't have the recourses to train front line medics, it's something you pass down to your kids like clan jutsu, those who don't have a medic in the family will most likely never learn anything above how to wrap a wound, it's the same in just about all shinobi villages~" Kisame sits back slightly with a sigh and shrugs his shoulders lazily "~besides, most people don't have the patience, I've heard it's a long process to learn to how to even heal minor wounds, something that takes a lot of commitment" I nod along, not disputing the fact that its hard, that it takes time and needs a committed student to get past basics, Kaa-san having been drilling the teachings into me since the day I asked her for help. If I'm not with tou-san training I'm with her training, practicing on animals like fish and raiding the medical journals and equipment in the hospital by abusing my position as the Lavender Fury's only medical student to date. The sheer number of hours I've spent reading up on suggested materials is mind numbing, memorising plants and their properties, how to activate certain groups of cells, how to numb pain and even how to mix certain medicines; all these things took me a long time to get my head around and I'm a certified genius here! I'm ahead but there's so much to learn.

I'm snapped from my mental musings by a chuckle, a hand suddenly messing my already uncontrollable hair up. My eyes snap up to glare at Kisame and I can feel the tell tale burn of my cheeks, jerk, he has no idea how hard it is to get me hair not to look like a crows nest!

"Breaks over kid" He smirks, his hand leaving my head with a snigger, MY POOR HAIR! I automatically try and control the unyielding purple fluffy spikes that are my hair but I feel it rebel against my fingers "JASHIN DAMMIT KISAME! WHYYYY!?" I cry in exasperated horror, his quiet sniggers overflowing into a full on gut laugh… SON OF A BITCH! I'm automatically going through hand signs, my chakra eagerly rushing to form, my blood whispering dangerously, NO ONE MESSES WITH MY HAIR AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

" Water style: Water clone jutsu" I all but hiss, the water molecules coming together while I charge the bastard, every weapon I possess flying from my fingertips with monstrous accuracy, some pinging of Samahada, others ripping into clothes and flesh. However Kisame doesn't move for a moment before bursting out into manic laughter causing me to stop dead… Eh?… What the actual fuck? WHY IS HE LAUGHING?!

"Seems you finally got the water clone right kid" the big blue and giggling shinobi states at my obvious confusion. I'm automatically pivoting on the balls of my feet in a neck breaking 180 turn to stare at a perfect water clone me… destroyed messy hair included… _**AH!**_ IT LOOKS LIKE A CROW HAS MADE A HOME IN MY HAIR! **NONONONONONONONONONO!**

"Jashin dammit Kisame, look at my HAIR! How could you do this to me! I thought you were cool!" I whine as I force tears into my eyes and a blush to my cheeks before spinning at looking up at the huge blue shinobi with my best kicked puppy gaze… the reaction is automatic, one moment Kisame is laughing is ass off and the next he looks like he's been slapped, his jaw hanging agape and fingers twitching on Samahada's hilt… One nil to me, one more thing to push the boat "I'm gunna tell my kaa-san on you bullying me" I whimper and I can practically see his soul escaping through the top of his head… MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM THE GOD OF THE PUPPY EYES! KNEEL BEFORE MY EVIL GAZE OF CUTENESS!

Feeling I've done a good job today I take off skipping, humming a cheerful tune; leaving behind a stunned Kisame to catch up… I wonder how long I'll be able to pull this cute thing off before I get too old for it? I'll have to milk it for all it's worth while I can, hehehe… I wonder whom else it'll work on?

**Day 10: Kaa-san VS Professor Snape!?**

Making medicine is kinda awesome… In my past life I always liked Harry Potter and I thought that if I was a witch I'd have wanted to specialise in potions and not just because I had a crush on Snape… Fine, maybe Snape's tall dark and secretly kind self had a bit to do with my potions interest but I've always been interested in the idea of making potions, which is basically like making medicines; there is no guessing in making medicines, it is an exact art that requires a keen eye and patience. Over stir a basic healing salve and the mix will do more harm than good, so much as a milligram too little of the key ingredient and it will be entirely ineffective and be a waste of ingredients which can be extremely expensive. Everything must be just so, right amounts, right temperature, right number of stirs, right cooling time… everything MUST be right or you could end up killing the person you're trying to help. There are no chemicals or preservatives, everything that goes in is natural and if prepared incorrectly can be devastating, it also has a short shelf life unless you know a good seals master who can build you a preservation seal but seals masters are few and far between so if you need it, you make it when you need it.

While humming the Harry Potter theme song; my fingers carefully move from unlabeled pot to unlabeled pot, carefully rolling the ingredients between my calloused fingers; feeling for the next ingredient that needs to be added to my salve mix that is gently bubbling over the burner in a pot which looks suspiciously like a cauldron while Kaa-san's keen eyes watches from her spot leaned against the far wall of the borrowed hospital room… I have no idea how Kaa-san sweet talked her way into the hospital for our lessons but you have no idea how thankful I am to be somewhere familiar, the generic smell of potassium iodide in alcohol burns in my lungs while the fainter scents of herbs, roots and various pastes soothes my soul as my fingers swiftly roll the ingredient between sensitive pads once more before weighing out the right amount and adding it to the pestle and mortar to crack the hard husk of the bobblely cased nut to extract the fleshy centre that I grind between a blade and sterilised table top to make a grey paste before adding it to my cauldron, the mix automatically changing colour from a near brown mix to a pale yellow as I stir in a clockwise direction before cutting off the heat. As the mixture cools I quickly feel through the unlabeled pots once more for the downy fluff like seeds of one of the many plants that only seem to exist here, adding 9 to the mix the moment the colour starts to grey, mix them in thoroughly and the mix once more changes colour, becoming a pure white.

I move back from the caldron like pot as kaa-san approaches, her eyes delving into the pot as she lifts out the stirrer to inspect my work, a small dab of the warm paste on her fingers to feel the texture, a sniff to tell if it is even worth considering before a small amount is placed on a previously prepared scroll to test if it's correct… I wait with bated breath for the results, I've made this particular mix once at home and it was passable but not perfect…Please be good, please, please, please!

Making medicine in the Naruto world is just like I imagined making potions in the Harry Potter movies, down to the grumpy teacher who you fear above all else, though if I'm honest, I'd rather be learning under Severus Snape, at least he can't breathe fire like a dragon and won't chase you with poisoned weaponry until you collapse if you fail… I don't think… maybe for Harry he'd make an exception~

A small poof of smoke on the scroll and Kaa-san spins round with a smug smile gracing her lips "Congratulations shonen, you've made a beautiful salve that could rival my own" she purrs and I can't help but preen at the compliment, a wave of pride washing over me as well as relief that I wont be running for my life today as I sigh with a contented hum. I KNEW I'D HAVE MADE AN AWESOME WIZARD! _**NEXT STOP HOGWARTS TO PERV AT PROFESSOR SNA**_~ I mean… to _learn potions_ under professor Snape… yeah… under professor Snape, I can work with that…

"However~" Kaa-san purrs darkly and I feel my entire body tense… "~Until you surpass me it's not good enough" her voice is practically a snake worthy hiss which matches the demonic smile stretching across her features; I can feel my blood run cold…maybe she's secretly related to Lord Voldemort, it would explain a lot… "You have a 5 second head start, 1~"

I'm running out the room faster than a bat out of hell, channelling chakra to make every move that bit faster, and here I thought I _wouldn't_ be running today! FUCKIN DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!

I can feel her on my tail, Kaa-san's chakra leaching of her like toxic radiation as she chases after me with an unhinged cackle through the halls of the hospital as I look for an exit. Room after room after room I pass before I spot a small open window and launch myself through it, momentarily in flight before the ground is rushing up to greet me, I channel more chakra into my legs once more to lessen the impact and allow myself to drop into a forward roll before straightening up and running through the busy streets of Kiri, many of the people automatically parting like water for me to run through, this escape pattern having occurred several times since the beginning of my training, many cheering me on to run, knowing exactly what I'm running from. Hell, they probably find our little escapades amusing, though many of the shinobi pause to watch the bouts of medical taijutsu we break into when Kaa-san catches up; yeah, not the most subtle way to train but kaa-san seems to have a flare for dramatics and loves an audience, I can't denigh that since there's the possibility of crashing and burning in front of so many people I put more effort into learning the techniques, if only to avoid embarrassing myself in front of so many higher ranking shinobi, though I always end up on my ass, trying to maintain medical chakra in battle to attack feeling impossible no matter how much I try; hell maintaining medical chakra to heal myself in the heat of battle feels impossible!

I mange to twist out of the way of a glowing green hand that tries to strike my shoulder; carefully trying to manuver as far out of reach as possible, my hand coming out on instinct to try and strike at her, my fingertips missing her by a hair and I'm forced to back flip away out of range of another strike aimed at my upper thigh. I cant afford for her to weaken the muscles in my legs as healing such an attack is above my skill set in the midst of battle, I'd be a sitting duck for kaa-san to pick off and there's no way in hell I'm about to go down without a fight!

I manage to twirl out of the way of another strike and dart off down a nearby ally, bouncing from wall to wall and up to the roof tops, kaa-san following… yeah, I would totally take Snape over Kaa-san right now, actually I'd take all the death eaters over kaa-san right now, at least if they tore me to bits they couldn't stick me back together and repeat the process! WHY WAS I REBORN INTO THE NARUTO UNIVERSE!? _**SAVE ME SEVERUS!**_

**Day 12: Demons In Bed**

… I think today is the day I'm going to die… Seriously… just why?

Kisame is looking far too smug right now and I know exactly why~ Sitting in a tree looking as murderous as ever is Zabuza, glaring up a storm while he patiently waits to use the training ground… the training ground Kisame has absolutely no plans on yielding… who'd have thought for the past 12 days I was training in one of the seven swordsmen of the mist's private training grounds… I'm not sure if I'm honoured I've been training in a training ground that has seen to honing the skills of the most violent and dangerous shinobi of the mist village or freaked out that I've been training somewhere I should not be welcome… and to top it off Zabuza has his panties in a twist and is looking especially grumpy today, then again that could be that Kisame basically told him to shove his precious executioners blade where the sun doesn't shine not 5 minutes ago… the demon of the hidden mist was not amused and has settled for murderous glaring~ at me… I told you I was going to die today… and to top it all of Kuri has decided to join me in my torture training today… double joy… _kill me now_…

"Come on gaki, put your back into it! Less running more attacking!" Kuri cackles from the side lines as Samehada comes down on me in a sweeping ark motion, My body twirls out the way on instinct, my small stature coming into it's own as I twist around the brutal attacks that could tear me apart. Kisame's training method has slowly got more and more brutal as the days have gone by forcing me to adapt or die. I can't even kid myself into thinking he wouldn't kill me; he could snap my spine like a tooth pick with just his pinky finger if he felt so inclined. This training that feels like it's ripping my body apart is nothing to Kisame, not even a warm up~

Samehada changes trajectory suddenly, slicing through the air right over my head… the sound of clashing metal making my body spin 180 degrees to come face to over muscled chest with Zabuza, his blade set to slice down onto the very spot in which I stand… _I think I just pissed myself~_

"Tsk tsk tsk, Zabuza… you should know better than to go after another's student, it'll make you enemies" Kisame growls, his sharpened teeth glinting menacingly while his eyes delve into the murderous dark pools of the bandaged demon across from him. Zabuza in return chuckles, voice like ice that sends a silent shiver down my spine before I press the fear down. "Maybe, but the brat isn't really your student, he's an outsider, an enemy~" Zabuza purrs, his eyes dropping to stare at me, his eyes bloodshot and pupils constricted "~you should just put him out of his misery Kisame, he wont survive in the real world, kill him and stop wasting your time and mine, clogging up a training ground" …

…

…

Really… ALL THIS OVER THE TRAINING GROUND?! _**WHAT THE FUCK ZABUZA!? **_I knew you were bat shit crazy but I didn't think you'd attempt to kill someone over a training ground. And he has the nerve to call me a brat; if he doesn't get his way he throws his toys out the pram and goes on a killing spree, If I'm a brat then he's a super psycho brat! Is he on a man-period or something?, His hormones sending him crazy? Thank god Zabuza is a guy because if he were a woman with such mood swings on her time of the month the entirety of Kiri would be levelled over a bar of chocolate! The mental image of a female Zabuza going loco one week of every month nearly makes me giggle~

Kisame seems to find the situation amusing as well from the teasing grin that is threatening to erupt; I highly doubt we're having similar thoughts, my brain being home to the weird and ridiculous while his more to the sadistic and down right scary…

"You should have just said you were that _desperate_ for the training ground, we would have stepped aside… you wanting to work off a little pent up _frustration_, eh Zabu-kun?" Kisame purrs sinfully… wait… is Kisame insinuating Zabuza has a shit sex life or are my ears deceiving me? My eyes flicker between the pair of swordsmen carefully to see the way their eyeing each other…

…

…

**SWEET BABY JASHIN!** TELL ME I'M WRONG! I think my eyes have popped out of their sockets as my mouth drops open, my blood screaming for me to pull myself together though its rushed to the surface of my cheeks and is no doubt staining them a shocking cherry red.

"YOU GUYS ARE _FUCKING!_" a voice squeaks and it take me a moment to realise it was me who practically screamed those words… both swordsmen practically launch themselves at me, a large blue hand clamping over my mouth while Zabuza growls dangerously though its hard to be scared of him when the tops of his ears are probably redder than my cheeks… properly…

"Did you have to scream that kid!?" Kisame practically hisses, his voice a whisper. Every muscle in Kisame's body is tense while Zabuza is practically shaking with bottled up fury "kill him" Zabuza snarls, eyes wild and focused entirely on me but I can't bring myself to care, _**KISAZABU HIS HOOOOT!**_ My brain takes that exact moment to run different scenarios through my head, running away with its girlyness and fuled with my keen knowledge of yaoi from my past life… I just manage to bite down the fangirl squeal that is trying to claw it's way out of my throat, control the inner fangirl, push her down, guys don't squeal and proclaim 2 other guys fuckin is hot… 2 guys fucking… Zabuza and Kisame ripping off each other's clothes with animalistic snarls, nipping at sensitive skin and…. Sweet mother of porn~ WHERE IS YUKI'S CAMERA!? _I NEED TO SEE THIS__**! **_**THE INNER FANGIRL HAS ESCAPED!** RUN AWAY! LOCK UP YOUR HOMOSEXUALS! ~ _NOOOOOOOO!_

"That's awesome!" I giggle, apparently cutting off an argument between the 2 who snap their attentions to me with a look of shock. "Your not going to black mail us? Go mouthing off about this?" Kisame's voice asks shakily and I tilt my head to the side in confusion "No… its no one else's business what you guys get up to in the privacy of your own homes, weather you rut like animals in heat or spend your free time knitting tiny jumpers for underprivileged kittens, it is no concern of mine, though I have nothing against same sex couplings, if it works it works right?" I ask eyes flicking between the 2 huge men before me. Kisame seems to stare me down for a moment before seeing whatever he's looking for and relaxing. Zabuza is still pretty tense and glaring daggers at me "I still think we kill the brat, the brat could squeal and~" as if on que Kuri bursts into fits of uncontrolled laughter "AS IF, GAKI WOULD BE A HIPOCRITE!" The demonic rabbit cackles and my cheeks burn like fire **"HIDAN IS **_**NOT**_** MY BOYFRIEND!"** I snarl at the rabbit but she just laughs harder "there's no need to be shy gaki, I know you two have been sharing a futon~ HIDAN AND JUNKETSU SITTING IN A TREE K.I.S.S.I.N.G" the she rabbit taunts mercilessly, honey amber eyes alight with amusement. My entire body feels like it's been dipped in an active volcano and I'm pretty sure I'm a bright red from the hiss of blood at the surface of my skin "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT~ IT'S COLD IN THE LAND OF WATER DAMMIT~ _**SHUT UP!**_" I snarl, Senbon flying at the demonic shoe brush that dodges easily and is off running, laughing all the way… _just wait until I get my hands on her! _I automatically give chase, leaving behind a chuckling Kisame and a smirking Zabuza… _I'll never live this down, __**EVER!**_

**Day 14: Spar Day With an Ass-Hole**

I don't think I've ever been more relieved to see Hidan in my life. After the day I've had, between Kisame's early morning mist training consisting of a warm up that makes me want to puke, practicing the water clone that I've more or less got down now, learning the hiding in mist jutsu which is a lot harder than one would first assume when you've got Kisame breaking your concentration every 5 seconds by either attacking you or making lewd comments about sharing a futon with Hidan _(you and your little boyfriend fucking yet? IT'S NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERT! He looks like the pitcher in your relationship~ JASHIN DAMMIT KISAME! ~Then again your pretty feisty and he seems to follow your lead so maybe he's the catcher~ PLEASE SHUT UP KISAME, I'M BEGGING YOU! ~I've changed my mind, he probably likes to hear you beg, Kami knows Zabu makes the most amusing noise when I put my finger behind his~ AHHH! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!~ Then, I roll my tongue over the head of his~ LALALALALALALALALALA, I'M. NOT. LISTENING, LALALALALALALALALALALA!~ Concentrate on the jutsu kid! I REALLY HATE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT!?) _Before breaking into some 'light' sparing that ends with me having to try and heal the mess he makes of me before kaa-san takes her pound of flesh, running me though medical drills, slicing me up like shishimi and attacking me while I try a patch myself up and defend myself simultaneously, which, on one occasion ended with vomiting blood and a furious healing session and sometimes, she teaches me some nifty water jutsu that ties in with Kisame's training. I usually start my day before the sun rises and end it as the sun sets, some times managing some food that I sometimes keep down during the torture training before stumbling back to the hotel and passing out after Hidan shoves some food item down my throat.

Today however, Kaa-san has plans to torture Yuki and has allowed me a day off… .OFF…. I've never wanted to cry with joy over a day off before but being able to do what I want after Kisame's training is like a god send and I'm practically skipping out the training ground with the intent on a hot shower and food that I'm actually going to keep down! Truly, today is blessed!

Weaving through the trees, keeping as quiet as possible to work on today's lesson with Kisame who decided today would be a lesson on stealth that ended with pain every time I so much as breathed too loud, I hear a pained snarl and a hollow thud which makes me pause, feeling out my surrounding to make contact with a pair of very familiar blood whispers. I pull my chakra in tightly to myself in hopes of not being noticed before sneaking closer; following my instinct until I come to a small clearing.

Hidan's panting harshly, sweat and water pouring off his body as his limbs shake with the strain of keeping him up; behind him tou-san stands firm and the surface of the stream that cuts through the clearing, a cold mask of indifference covering his emotions "Come on Hidan, again; this is a key skill for all shinobi to learn!" he snaps harshly at my silver haired friend. Hidan gets out a low growl before approaching the rapids of the deep stream and taking an awkward step onto the surface, looking like Bambi when he takes his first steps. His chakra maintains itself awkwardly, trying to stay afloat and is doing a decent job of staying above water until tou-san is throwing attacks left, right and centre. Hidan's concentration breaks after a close call with a kunai, a small yelp rips out his throat before he disappears under the water, a flurry of panicked bubbles rising to the surface.

Tou-san sighs, his lips pinched together in annoyance but makes no move to rescue his fallen student; instead waiting for Hidan to rise once more.

It takes a moment or two, but my zealot friend breaks the surface with a sharp gasp for air and arm flailing as he doggy paddles back to the riverside, hauling his waterlogged self up onto dry land. "That's enough for today Hidan, I want you back here same time tomorrow and we'll try again" Tou-san states all too numbly before disappearing without another word.

Hidan makes no move to leave, he lays still at the edge, breathing harsh looking both annoyed and frustrated, his fingers burying themselves in his soft silver tresses and digging into his scalp in silent fury. So he's learning to water walk. I remember learning that in the academy after tree climbing, and I remember struggling.

No matter how easy the anime takes water-walking looks, it's a very hard thing to learn, much harder than tree climbing as you have to constantly having to alter the flow of chakra to remain afloat. Learning to water walk on a calm hot spring like I did is hard enough let alone trying to learn while contending with rapids like tou-san is trying with Hidan is borderline ridiculous! What the hell is tou-san playing at? I find myself annoyed at tou~ Sensei, going hard on Hidan like this, find myself annoyed that tou-san isn't teaching my team mate like he teaches me; how the hell are my team meant to compliment if we're all at different levels?

Hidan lets out a frustrated growl before sitting up and glaring at the water rapids in an almost desperate fashion.

"You know, it's easier to get the basic idea of water walking on calmer water" I finally speak up, causing Hidan to jump in surprise; his entire body spinning on the spot, muscles tense and ready for action. Magenta eyes glare furiously before seeming to recognise me and soften. "Ketsu~ what the fuck you doin' here, thought you had training" he grumbles slightly, eyes still lacking their characteristic shine; I smile despite his downtrodden spirits. "Just finished, Kaa-san gave me the day off to torture Yuki" I chuckle softly and Hidan manages a half smile, even if it's a little lacklustre.

What the hell has tou ~sensei done to my Hidan, in 14 days of training Hidan's gone from a rightfully confident genin to a miserable and frustrated husk of a genin. There's no need for Hidan to be like this; he's a strong contender with a solid fighting style and firm grasp on the jutsu taught. I feel my anger rise again.

"Alrighty Hidan, your coming with me, I can see tou-san's being a bit shit at this moment in time so you and I are going to train" I declare, marching up to Hidan and grabbing his hand before heading off up stream back the way I came to the seven swordsmen private training grounds Kisame's been training me in. Hidan doesn't protest, the fight seemingly been beaten and drowned out of him. A couple minutes quick walk and I slow, leading Hidan to the river edge. I gently release his hand before stepping on to the surface as I would the ground.

"Water walking is the next step up from tree walking and applies similar rules of channelling chakra into the feet, however you are not trying to stick to the surface as you would in the tree climbing exercise. During this exercise you are required to make a stream of chakra and maintain it while constantly altering said stream to compliment the flow of water beneath you, thus allowing you to stay afloat and to maintain balance, are you with me so far Hida?" I ask, in full teacher lecture mode that I used with Hidan during our academy days. Hidan nods slowly, seeming to mull over the information before nodding a little more certainly. "Good, our goal today is to get you simply standing for now without you feeling as though you're about to fall through. I want you to build up chakra in your feet, when it feels right take a step onto the surface, alright" Hidan once again nods, magenta eyes closing and he brings his hands to build up chakra. He builds it slowly, measuring it as precisely as possible before once more opening his eyes and taking a hesitant step onto the surface.

One step. Two steps. Three~

His chakra wavers slightly and his feet begin to sink. I'm reaching out instinctively, taking both his hands "Your doing fine Hida, concentrate on the stream, feel the water beneath you, feel your chakra… breathe…" I murmur my mantra of relaxed and calm motivation, keeping a firm and reassuring grip on Hidan's hands.

Four steps

His feet step out of the water onto the surface once more and remaining afloat.

Five steps. Six steps. Seven steps.

With every step it becomes a little less Bambi's first steps as he gains a little more confidence that he isn't about to sink like a lead. I lead him slowly along the river, encouraging him when his control wavers and never letting go of his hands, slowly but surely picking up the pace from a slow start to normal walking pace to a light jog. By step 483 Hidan finally cracks a real smile as we wander hand in hand down the river, navigating the different water flows in a calm and orderly fashion.

By step 1217 Hidan pulls hard on my hand, yanking me forward before letting go and putting me off balance, I instinctively channel my chakra to my hands and perform a brief hand stand before swinging my legs in a sweeping motion downwards in an attempt to knock the suddenly confident zealot off his feet. The silverette dodges like he would on land and I right myself into a crouch, releasing a flurry of non-poisoned kunai for him to dodge. Hidan grin cheekily at me as he masterfully dodges the airborne blades. "That all you got fuck-face? Here I thought we were taking the chunin exams, not some academy test" I chuckle softly to myself "you looking for a fight ass-hole, I'm sure I can accommodate" I purr before launching myself at him at high speed for a round of taijutsu sparing.

_Up in the trees, Kisame and Zabuza sat comfortably on the branches obscured by thick mist; Kisame watching with amusement while Zabuza merely rolls his eyes. "I know your getting soft for that brat Kisame, but stalking him on a hot date is creepy even for you" the bandaged male growls in an annoyed tone though their was an underlying fondness tingeing those gruff words that the shark shinobi picked up on. The blue skinned grinned a sharp toothed grin "Don't try and pretend you don't like the kid, we both know you've a soft spot for kids, the spare bedroom in your apartment isn't looking so spare since you took on that apprentice, Haku, of yours, and don't try to bullshit me into thinking the kid doesn't live there" The pastel blue shinobi purred. Zabuza didn't meet the other swordsman's eye, didn't say a word; for they both knew the demon of the hidden mist couldn't denigh the presence of Haku in his home and couldn't denigh that he was somewhat… fond… of the boy he'd brought to the village. Instead they both watched the Yugakure genin spar upon the waters surface, watched them laugh and fight and dodge until the sun began to set… and watched with knowing eyes as the silverette blushed when the younger took his hand and lead them towards the main village for dinner with similar thoughts. The tailless demon of the hidden mist and the demon of the bloody mist met eyes but spoke no words… 'To be in love'_

**Day 17: Reflection**

The sun is setting for the day over the village hidden in the mist~ a day of medical training and physical violence that some how doesn't class as child abuse if your wearing a shinobi head band, and I feel as though I've been hung drawn and quartered; but the day is over… 17 days down, 12 days to go… I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it or loathing it with every breath. On the positive side, it'll all be over and I can go home no matter the outcome; on the down side I'd be leaving Kisame behind~ as much of a slave driving bastard he is during training, he's actually really nice when you get to know him, funny too and one hell of a teacher; my close combat fighting style has matured more in the past few weeks than it has in the past 6 months of training and missions at home, why they don't give him a genin team I'll never know! Kisame's even been showing me a few little tricks with a sword under the basis of _'a scythe isn't that much different from a sword'_, after I let slip Hidan had been trying to teaching me to use his scythe since he got his hands on the damn thing. I'm no close combat specialist but now if push comes to shove I'll have more than chakra enhanced strikes to save my ass and I'm not as reliant on my clan abilities as much as other kekeigenkai using shinobi giving me more options in battle.

If tou-san knew I was learning more close combat he'd probably have palpitations for wanting to get close and put myself in a position that doesn't suit my natural affinity for long distance fighting, his training having been working near exclusively on my kekeigenkai and long distance weaponry; teaching the traditional Makka style of fighting~ but I don't want to fight like a traditional Makka. It seems stupid to go against a tried and tested method of the clan but if it's tried and tested, then it's predictable and easy to develop a counter measure that results in my second death. It would be even worse if I was to face an enemy that had faced a Makka previously, they'd have existing background knowledge that would work against me~ Makka are renound for their hate of close combat, one good sucker punch and most will crumble like a tonne of bricks, clan members never building on the basic styles they learn from the academy. I don't want to have such a huge weakness~ I want to be unpredictable; I want to lure my enemy into a false sense of security, thinking I'm a simple long distance fighter then tear them to shreds for underestimating me. I've always been different from the other members of my clan; what's one more difference?

Kaa-san seems to have a similar belief to me on the style of fighting the Makka have; being a close range fighter herself and being a field medic, she spends a lot of time up close and personal and can run rings around tou-san in battle when she gets close enough. Kaa-san is quick and agile; she's graceful and deadly and packs more than just a punch if you're stupid enough to try and stand against her. Her fighting is more like a fluid and ever-changing dance… like the blood swirling in my veins… She was more than enthusiastic in brushing me up on my medical taijutsu, hammering the importance of knowing how to fight up close and personal but tou-san had frowned when she proudly proclaimed that my medical taijutsu was coming along beautifully, he didn't like that I'm not sticking to the Makka way of doing things. I think given half the chance he would discourage the close combat side of things… but there's no way in hell I'm going to be swayed, what I'm doing isn't a bad thing, I could wipe the floor with a Makka of the same level and I know it. I actually get what kaa-san said about me being more her than I ever would be tou-san. I am my kaa-sans son, Makka or not I'm built to be proficient in close combat as well as long range, the abilities of both my parents should cancel out but they don't, they work so well together; their strengths come together and the weaknesses are counteracted leaving me with a solid defence and one hell of an offence that you don't want to be on the receiving end of. Add to that a bit of Kisame and it's a deadly mix; I know I've still got a long way to go but if I can hone these abilities, learn from my teachers… well, I'm going to be one damn effective and very uniquely talented shinobi…

I won't become powerful over night. It's going to take years of blood, sweat and determination; I'm going to hit walls where my trainings are going to contradict each other, where they don't agree and I'm going to have to work around that, getting 2 polar opposites to work side by side isn't going to be easy but it's possible if I'm already working the 2 together as it is; the chakra fuelled heavy hits, the pin point precise strikes, graceful movements and kill or save potions of my kaa-san; the supple manipulation of every cell, the fluid yet cast iron defences and lethal attacks of my tou-san…. the carefully chakra control, dedication and skill both demand; one slip and it's all over, my defences crash and attacks become useless… but I won't slip… I've come too damn far to slip so there's no fuckin way I'm just going to roll over because its starting to get difficult; the last time I decided to give up and die I ended up here; Jashin knows where I'd be spat back into~ If I were given another chance at all.

Staring up at the misty pink sky from my laying position on the ground, I can feel my jaw set in determination; the birds chirp merrily while my pinkie red eyes burn. I'm not just going to survive… I'm going to thrive. My first life hit me with every cruelty it could throw and I gave up; but I'll be damned if I take the cowards way out again. One death is enough for anyone.

"Oi, fuck face! You gunna lie out here all shitting night or are gunna go get dinner!?" Hidan's voice choruses, my eyes snapping to see my idiot friend leaning against a tree; a tired yet satisfied smirk playing on his lips and dirt and nasty scratches marking up his shirtless torso while his scythe rests against his leg, blade to the ground. I feel a smile light up my face and I'm getting to my feet "Dinner sounds like a plan, got anywhere specific in mind or we seeing which place we find first again?" I ask, walking past Hidan's resting spot and making him spin and take a place at my side. I catch his eyes and am momentarily caught off guard by the way his magenta eyes glow in the pink light of the dieing sun, my blood lightly warming my cheeks at how damn pretty Hidan's eyes are, like slightly pink Amethyst's in the sunshine… I swear they get prettier every time I see them…

I may not want to fuck this world over but I won't be fucked over by it either. I've had enough of being helpless, but now I have every chance to take this world by the horns; to look it in the eye and tell it to go fuck itself if I feel so inclined. I'm going to fight for a better hand this time round… I actually have something to fight for this time; I'm not alone here, my friend is standing with me; Hidan is with me.

The zealot I should never have met; who I shouldn't have befriended for fear of messing everything up but couldn't stop myself, the boy who is loyal and ready and willing to fight anything that gets in the way… I'd tear this world apart for. To protect our friendship I'd commit acts far worse than murder… to protect him… to protect the future immortal and bloodthirsty Akatsuki member to whom I promised we'd be great, that we'd make a name for ourselves together, a duo.

To protect our future, our plans and our friendship~ I'd fuck the world over… to always see those magenta eyes shine the way they do…

**P.O.V change…**

The dieing sun's rays burn over the land of water, giving way to the dusk, which in turn gives way to the darkness of night; so says the natural order. The dawn of a promise and immortal devotion as the world spins of a new axis…


End file.
